Group of teens, singing very loudly: Bye, bye, miss American pie, drove my Chevy to the levee but the levee was dry…
Girl teen: We're a cult!
–Columbus Circle
Group of teens, singing very loudly: Bye, bye, miss American pie, drove my Chevy to the levee but the levee was dry…
Girl teen: We're a cult!
–Columbus Circle
Guy #1, at bar: What?
Guy #2: Yeah.
Guy #3: Really?
Guy #2: Yeah. I don't use condoms. My religion doesn't allow it.
Guy #3: You'll do just fine in prison.
–Dojo's Restaurant, 14th St
Headline by: Incognito
Runners-Up:
· “And That’s How the Church Of Barebacking Got Its Start” – Botticus
· “Fortunately for Him, Dudeism Also Forbids Paying Child Support” – Jim C.
· “I Hear There’s a Waiting List for Priests…” – Father Dick
· “It’s Not Losing Your Virginity If You Don’t Use *Your* Penis” – samson
· “Jail: The Last Refuge Of the Religious” – BenGay
· “Stop Calling Our Marriage a Prison” – Sandy Paws
· “The “Abstinence Only” Crowd Finds Their Niche” – again
· “Why Couldn’t My Cell Mate Be More Like You?” – Fresca P.
· “You Already Know How to Turn the Other Cheek” – Kelly
Mystified/amused pot dealer, as two jocks jog past him after sunset: They just runnin'! No cops, no robbers, no cowboys, no Indians, nothing blowin' up. They just runnin'!
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: innocent bystander
Dad to three-year-old boy learning to how to swing: Well, maybe if you were in better shape, this would be easy for you. You need to work on your abdominals.
–Rckefeller Park
Overheard by: Maria
White buff guy, during spin class: I need to do some serious laundry, so I only had the one clean towel. If ya can't get one, I can always just give you mine and do my usual air dry jumping jacks for the insane amount of fems they have in the locker room over there. But apparently I have a bad-case-of-gay-face, because they look at me like a fat kid in front of the tasty delight window.
–29th St & Lexington
Overheard by: Lace
Suit to another: I wish I could bench press the sins of the world!
–74th St & Broadway
Girl in short skirt and stilettos: Did we just power-strut too far?
–PATH
Lawyer: And what do you sell?
Jury candidate: I used to sell diamonds. Now, in the depression…I sell toilet paper to religious people.
–Centre Street
Suit on cell: You're stupid enough to swallow a condom but you're smart enough to know you can sue someone.
–69th & York
Overheard by: Eugene
Attractive tall Asian chick with purple hair on cell: There's no way I would be compatible with someone so much smarter than me.
–Joralemon & Columbia, Brooklyn Heights
Overheard by: Awesome Mother Fucker
Effeminate young man to lady friend: I think you're street smart when nobody tells you you're street smart.
–C train
Father to son: You are so smart. You are going to be the leader of a cult someday.
–Thompson & Spring
Uptight, Greg-type dude: Doesn't it hurt to sit with your legs like that?
Cheerful, Dharma-type chick, in lotus position on bar stool: Nope!
Uptight, Greg-type dude, after short pause: I shall pray for you, my dear.
–St. Mark's Ale House, St. Mark's Place
Overheard by: Amber Star
Tourist teen: Scientology? Is that like that crazy Darwinism stuff where they think people are monkeys?
–TKTS
Guy: Well, 20 million years ago you were a monkey too!
–NYC Lab School
Overheard by: T
Teen to friend: So once the car is full of monkey poop, then you trade it in for another one.
–Chelsea
Hobo sitting in subway station: Woman ain't want no man in her bed…she want a monkey in her bed…ooohh ooh oh ahh ahhh ahhh. (makes monkey noises)
–E Train
Overheard by: Ja9
Comedy show hawker: You will all have autism when you're done with this show. And you'll be having sex like monkeys and bunnies.
–Times Square
Overheard by: fluffyautist
Little boy watching monkey, to father: I bet he wouldn't leave his kid at a Wal-Mart.
–Bronx Zoo
Moviegoer: Come on, I wanna see this potentially shitty movie!
–AMC Loews, 68th & Broadway
Overheard by: Robert Gleyberman
Guy on phone: I'm not trying to have sex with you, I just really want to see The Dark Knight.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Ross
Movie theater employee: I don't go to the movies. I watch them on the internet.
–AMC Loews, Lincoln Square
Overheard by: Holly
Guy on cell: Okay, love you, bye… Oh, and the reason she says "Foxy, you better work it out!" is because that's the name of her character in the movie.
–62nd & Broadway
Overheard by: Richard
Nerdy film major: Silent Night, Deadly Night II is the worst movie ever. It's so bad it's amazing. There's something cathartic about watching it; you leave thinking, "there is a god!"
–NYU Dining Hall
Guy leaving The Curious Case of Benjamin Button: You have to be some kind of anti-Christ to write a movie that retarded.
–AMC Loews, 68th & Broadway
Overheard by: Mark Nilges
Girl, as credits roll at the end of The Curious Case of Benjamin Button: Wow…they both lived way too long.
–AMC Loews, 68th & Broadway
Anthropology prof: Amish youth in Pennsylvania have the opportunity to go out and experience mainstream society for a period of time before deciding whether or not to leave Amish society. An overwhelming amount decide to return to Amish society. That really tells you something about the cohesiveness of this religious sect! (pause) Then again, maybe it's just because Philadelphia is the city they all go out into.
–Classroom, Fordham University
Overheard by: Martin Van Nostrand
Professor: You still need to lubricate anything that's sliding in and out.
–The Cooper Union
NYU prof: I have an aunt who is 105, and she just keeps on living. I just want to tell her, "you don't need to live for-fucking-ever. Die already, you have no quality of life!
–NYU
Columbia professor (to teaching assistant): You know, I've been teaching this stuff so long, I almost believe it.
–Classroom, Columbia University
Professor: I hope that Freud reading gave you a rise. I didn't just say that.
–NYU
Overheard by: Yeah. It did.
Three-year-old boy, refusing to get in stroller: Shit! Shit! Shit, mommy! Shit!
–Chelsea Market
Overheard by: Sarah
Young boy, yelling after hearing Jesus freaks preach: What a bunch of shit that is!
–7th Ave & 33rd St
Overheard by: Colleen
Hobo drinking Red Bull: This is Red Bull shit!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: RevolutionSuzi
30-something lady on cell: I'm gonna be shitting my brains out later.
–Astoria
Seasoned-looking guy, watching hobo pee in the middle of a subway car: I ain't never seen that shit before. That shit is brand new!
–4 Train
Overheard by: i will be traumatized forever
Menacing black woman on phone: I'mma go home and shit on my girlfriend's China.
–Pratt Institute
Overheard by: Penelope
