We're All a Few Paychecks Away from Being Wednesday One-Liners

Girl to friend: He's Indian! How can he be homeless?

–Union Square

Crazy Asian lady: I think everyone should experience jail and being homeless at least twice in life, so I need to go to jail again.

–Pinkberry, 32nd St

Suit, screaming: Why the fuck did I go to school? Look at these homeless people. They have a perfect life. Free samples at every corner. Apple Store is open 24/7, which means good shelter. Gahh!

–Union Square

Overheard by: hespeakstruth

Flamboyantly elegant gay guy to female friend: Would you rather lick this entire subway platform or have a homeless woman eat your pussy?

–Times Square

Overheard by: Katie

Posted on June 16, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Fag Hags, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Home, Sweet Home, Homeless, Insults, Licking, One-liners, Prison, Queer guys, Questions, Race, Restaurants & Cafes, School and studying, Street, Stupidity, Suits, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

My So-Called Wednesday One-Liner

Peter Greene (Zed from Pulp Fiction): What happens in your life if you don't have your gallbladder?

–The Library, East Village

Girl on cell: My life is cursed, Cordelia!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Charlotte

Hobo carrying tall bamboo pole: What a life. Who wants to shoot me in the back?

–Strawberry Fields, Central Park

Overheard by: Publius

Girl to friend: So they, like, told me I should come up to the school for two days and, like, go to some dinner on the first night and then do campus activities the next day. But I don't know. That's, like, two days of my life.

–6 Train

Overheard by: Bystanding Citizen

Little girl to mom: It's okay, mom. I'll just go on and have a good life and never learn how to whistle.

–80th St & Amsterdam Ave

Posted on June 9, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, B-List, Body Parts, Central Park, Education, Friends, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Hobos, Kids, Library, Moms, Murder, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Penn Station, Questions, School and studying, Time, TV, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Also Why He Forgot to Put Yeast in the Bread

Professor: And why did Moses lead the Jews out of Egypt?
Student: Because he was stoned.

–NYU

Posted on May 21, 2010
Education, NYU, Questions, Religion, School and studying, Students, Teachers/Professors, Weed

Just a Friendly Villager

Girl in skirt: I can't believe you missed that!
Random suit: Hello! How was school?
Girl in skirt: Fine…
Random suit: Good!
Girl in skirt's friend: Do you know him?
Girl in skirt: No…

–42nd St & 8th Ave

Posted on May 18, 2010
Friends, Girls, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Questions, School and studying, Strangers, Suits

The Gang War Was Just a Smokescreen

Blond high school Long Island girl: Well, I don't think she's that pretty.
Blond high school jock: You're wrong. That girl is so hot! She's the reason why we have cameras in our school.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: miki

Posted on May 18, 2010
Beauty, Gadgets, Girls, Jocks, Penn Station, School and studying

He Was Like, “This Is My Body, Breaded and Fried for You”

AP English teacher: Let's look at how this book can be read as a Christian allegory. The main character, Santiago, was a fisherman. (draws Jesus fish symbol on board) Okay, you all know what this is. So it means that Jesus, like Santiago, was a…?
Confused student: A fish?

–Riverdale

Posted on May 10, 2010
Animals & Nature, Books & Writing, Christianity, School and studying, Students, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, The Bronx

Britney Always Gets “A's” in Sulk and Sarcasm

Physics teacher: Who wants to read problem five?
Girl in front of room: Who wants to drink cyanide for breakfast?

–Bard High School, Queens

Overheard by: Sunny

Posted on May 9, 2010
Education, Fast Times at New York High, Queens, Questions, School and studying, Students, Suicide, Teachers/Professors

Who Says You Get a Little Something Extra with an Ivy League Education?

Guy: I just go to class and go right to sleep anyway. But god, the chairs are so uncomfortable I always have neck cramps when I wake up.
Girl: Ouch, that's so annoying!

–Columbia University

Overheard by: amalthya

Posted on May 6, 2010
Columbia University, Education, Girls, Guys, Health and Hygiene, School and studying

Wednesday's One-Liner Sense Is Tingling

Black man in Batman suit trying to get tourists to pay to take pictures with him: I got bills! I got bills!

–Times Square

Overheard by: kpan

Traffic cop, motioning in vain for car to stop: I guess my powers aren't working today…

–Citifield, 7 Train Entrance

Teenage girl: I love my physics teacher. He's like a fat, middle-aged Superman.

–Bard High School, Queens

Overheard by: Sunny

Large man with heavy accent shouting into cell: Please send somebody–I have just been robbed. (pause) I am on the corner. (pause) What do you mean, "white"? He is a Spiderman! He's wearing a Spiderman suit!

–Stanton & Essex

Posted on May 5, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Cars and Driving, Clothing, Cops, Diet/Weight, Fast Times at New York High, Fat People, Lower East Side, On Cell, One-liners, Physical appearance, Pictures, Queens, School and studying, Superheroes, Teens, Thievery, Times Square, Tourism, Tourists, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Everyone Will Remember This in the End.

Astronomy professor: And on the test you'll all circle the answer that says…
Class, in unison: Mercury and Uranus!
Astronomy professor: Right. Mercury and my anus. So…

–Wagner College

Overheard by: At least class is never boring…

Posted on May 1, 2010
Ass, Astronomy, College, Education, School and studying, Science, Students, Teachers/Professors

School and studying

Who Says You Get a Little Something Extra with an Ivy League Education?