Girl #1: Why does she seem so nasty and stressed all the time?
Girl #2: Well, I think it’s because she’s a lesbian by default.
Girl #1: A what?
Girl #2: A lesbian by default. She’s such a bitch that guys don’t want anything to do with her.
–Manhattan Lounge
Overheard by: fpod
Chick: Um, Mo, I never thought I’d ask you this, but… does this shirt make me look like a lesbian?
Lesbian, laughing: Oh my God, no! Just make sure nobody thinks we’re together…
–192nd St & Broadway
Overheard by: Curly girl
Man on cell: So, my boss texted me and wanted to know about fleshlights…
–B train
Loud lady on cell: So you’re the one who sent me a text message saying, ‘A penis is the best breakfast because it has two eggs, a sausage, and milk’!
–Q25 bus
Chick on cell: You may have texted me about him, but because it was Halloween, I was too busy flogging dogs.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: McF.
Plagiarist: … And he sent me a text message saying, ‘I guess I have to do your homework now, L-O-L,’ and I’m like, ‘What’s the L-O-L for? You think this is a joke?!’
–Baruch Collge, Newman Vertical Campus
Overheard by: I Am McLovey
Girl on cell: They were texting you from downstairs? Oooh, that’s gay.
–Starbucks, Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Jenya
Hot lesbo to another: You already have two girlfriends — you don’t need another boyfriend!
–92nd & 2nd
Hipster guy: Well, it’s not like I’m into men, but there aren’t really any girls around right now… It’s convenient! At least I’m getting laid!
–In front of Metropolitan Bar, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Rowan
Mini thug with girlfriend. You know, baby, I just get homo sometimes.
–115th & Lenox
Wannabe lesbo: … And I was like, ‘What, just ’cause I like to sleep with men, that makes you more gay than me?!’ And she was like, ‘Uh, yeah.’
–Bedford Ave & Lincoln Pl, Brooklyn
Overheard by: equally gay
Fag hag to queer friend: She is so ruining my heterosexual life!
–42nd & 7th
Overheard by: j
Hipster dude to pals: I gotta go! I just found out this guy is bi!
–Parsons the New School for Design
Chick to another: She was a little bit bisexual in Hong Kong. But, then, who wasn’t?
–1 train
Guy #1: This is fun, but it will be a lot better when we’re in bed.
Guy #2: … You’re gay?
–Urinal, Hard Rock Café
Overheard by: Danny
Headline by: ilemanzer
Runners-Up:
· “Can’t a Straight Guy Talk to His Penis?” – Tadzio
· “Does Mom Know?” – Ren
· “If I’d Known That Earlier I’d NEVER Have Let You Suck My Cock” – Lindsey
· “No, but I Did Appreciate That You Swallowed.” – Me
· “You’re a Guy?” – alice
Thug to friends: Yo, it’s not like I’m gay! Just… the kid had some nice hair!
–Ave M, Q train stop
Overheard by: LoRna
Teen boy: Yo, near the pubic hair, son… That shit is phat!
–Southern Blvd, Bronx
Overheard by: E.J.
Seven-year-old blonde to friend: … And if you get it in your hair, you lose all your points!
–Washington Square West
Overheard by: SELENA
Asian 30-something on cell: Well, he doesn’t have any hair, so he better be good-looking.
–13th & 6th
Chick on cell: Masochistic hair to go with a masochistic gal. Aw!
–Columbia University
Overheard by: McFreaky
Subway performer, finishing barbershop-quartet style song: We’d like to wish you all a beautiful afternoon. If any of you happen to run into Condoleezza Rice, please tell her we’ve got a sista in Harlem waitin’ to do her hair.
–R train
Overheard by: Marisa
Girl #1: Doesn’t it turn you on when two guys kiss?
Girl #2: Um… No… Not really…
Girl #1: … Oh, yeah… Me neither…
–6 train
Redhead: And look — he gave me a hickey last night.
Man: I thought he was gay.
Redhead: He is.
Man: Oh, good. I was afraid my radar stopped working.
Guy behind them: I was going to say, ‘He deserves a fucking Oscar for his gayness.’ Or Tony. Whatever.
–55th St, between 2nd & 3rd
Thugette: She just gave me a compliment! That don’t mean she’s a lesbian!
–34th & 7th
Overheard by: go rangers!
Man to self: How can you be a vegetarian and a lesbian? It don’t make no sense… How can you be a vegetarian and eat pussy? Don’t make no kinda sense!
–Outside health food store
NYU chick to another: But I don’t want to be a lesbian today…
–In front of Trader Joe’s, 14th St
Hobo: No, women don’t like men! You know who women like? Lesbians! All women have a lesbian girlfriend!
–E train, 53rd & 5th
Overheard by: Little boxes
Blonde to queer: What I found out is that lesbians really like me.
–Outside Nowhere gay bar
Overheard by: lesbians don’t like me
Chubby girl to skinny girl: I’d totally be a lesbian if I wasn’t fat. Nobody likes a fat lesbian.
–MoMA
Suit #1: Is she a lesbian?
Suit #2: I hope so.
–Grand Central
