Watch Wednesday One-Liners' Noses Grow!

Chubby Midwestern woman on cell: Yeah, I'm at Saks Fifth Avenue right now.

–Burger King

Overheard by: willy cheesesteak

Guy on cell: Yeah, I'm heading west on 23rd.

–1st Ave

Overheard by: Angela

Suit on cell, pacing around fountain: Yeah, baby I'm so sick, I could barely get out of bed this morning, I dragged myself to the kitchen. Didn't go to work or anything. Yeah, I think I'm just going to try to sleep it off, tonight. Guess dinner's off, sorry.

–Central Park Fountain

Overheard by: Knows Suits on cells are always lying

Man on cell, entering subway station: Yeah, I'm going to my limousine now, I'll talk to you later.

–Subway, 66th & Broadway

Dude in hoodie on cell, exiting subway: No, baby, I can't–I'm in Manhattan. No, I'm in Manhattan!

–86th St & 4th Ave, Bay Ridge

Man in jeans purchasing Doritos, on cell: Dude, I can't talk right now, I'm running in the marathon. Call you back in a few hours?

–Duane Reade, 87th & York

Overheard by: Upper East Sider

Posted on April 14, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Apologies, Brooklyn, Cars and Driving, Central Park, Duane Reade, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Jobs & Careers, Lies, Men, Midwesterners, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Restaurants & Cafes, Shopping, Sports, Street, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Suits, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Who Insisted on a Prenup

Five-year-old girl: This is where rich people shop, right mommy?
Mother: Yes it is.
Five-year-old girl: Will we ever shop here?
Mother: Not while I'm still married to your father.

–Bus at 5th Ave

Overheard by: Cat

Posted on April 13, 2010
Bus, Kids, Marriage, Moms, Money & Class, On the Bus, Shopping

Mommy, Where Do Wednesday One-Liners Come From?

Woman on cell, sitting at counter: The baby's not out yet…as in "it's still inside her."

–McDonald's, Varick Street

Overheard by: Jordan

College student: It's like taking candy from a baby…only, ya know, I'd ask the mother first.

–LIRR

Overheard by: Dara

Dork walking by Babies "R" Us with friends: Dude, look! I totally wanna buy a baby!

–Union Square South

Guy on cell: That shop smells like babies!

–Union Square

Drunk man in Santa hat to all train passengers: I know all you ladies want to have babies for Christmas, but there's no time for it! Close your legs, there'll be less heads.

–L Train

Overheard by: Handley Elizabeth

Posted on April 7, 2010
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Babies, Body Parts, Celebrations/Parties, Compare/Contrast, Dorks, Geeks and Nerds, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, For Sale, Guys, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Passengers, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Restaurants & Cafes, Shopping, Students, Thievery, Trains Not Subway, Union Square and East Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Just Follow My Scent Trail

50-something woman: Angela, Angela, where are you!?
Angela: I'm in the other aisle… I have to get the Summer's Eve!

–CVS Pharmarcy, Queens

Posted on March 2, 2010
Queens, Questions, Shopping, Store, Women

Bed, Bath, and Wednesday One-Liner

Hipstress to another: At least now if you find a baby on your doorstep, you'll have a dresser drawer to put it in.

–Pete's Candy Store, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Mat Freimuth

Gamer on headset, freaking out: Oh my god, why would you move the couch!? Why the hell did you move it, idiot!? When you move a couch, bad things happen! Move the couch… You stupid… Oh my god. Wanna know why we all died after moving the couch? Because we moved the damn couch!

–Glendale

Middle-aged woman backing away from pink, cushioned chair for sale: Only $199? I wonder what it would be like to fuck on that chair!

–Hamilton Heights

Angry wife: No, it's fine, at least I finally know how you truly feel about throw pillows.

–65th St & Broadway

Posted on February 24, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Babies, Brooklyn, Couples, Death, For Sale, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hipsters, Home, Sweet Home, Insults, Magic, Money & Class, One-liners, Queens, Questions, Sex, Shopping, Store, Street, Stupidity, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Or, If You're Really Lazy, Wet Seal.

Man to girls in Armani store holding H&M bags: You like this stuff, girls?
Girls: Yes! It's fantastic.
Man: Well, stay in school, or you'll be shopping at H&M forever.

–Manhattan

Posted on February 20, 2010
Advice, Education, Fashion, Girls, Manhattan, Men, School and studying, Shopping

They've Found Their New Slogan!

Young black man, pointing to young black woman's reusable Trader Joe's bag: Where'd you get that?
Young woman: I don't know.
Young man: That's where white people shop, yo.

–Jamaica Ave & Parsons

Overheard by: white person

Posted on February 18, 2010
Black People, Men, Queens, Questions, Race, Shopping, Women

What Ever Happened to Good Old-fashioned Theft?

Customer: Um, can I get a discount on this coat?
Cashier: Is there anything wrong with it?
Customer: No, I just don't have a lot of money right now.

–Urban Outfitters, NoHo

Posted on February 12, 2010
Cashiers, Clothing, Customers, For Sale, Money & Class, Offers and requests, Shopping, Store, The Village

And I Thought You Supported a Woman's Right to Shoes?

Tourist girl: We still have to make it to Williamsburg! When are we gonna do that?
Tourist guy: Why? What's in Williamsburg?
Tourist girl: Shoes… For one.

–2nd Ave & 10th St

Overheard by: Rubie

Posted on February 6, 2010
Shoes, Shopping, Tourism, Tourists, Travel, Union Square and East Village

She Redecorated Her Mother's Uterus

Man to salesman, looking at $650 doll house: I want the house fully furnished. Can I pick out the furniture?
Salesman: How old is the child, sir?
Man: She is three.
Salesman: She may not appreciate all of this furniture at her age.
Man: Oh, yes she will! She is very detail-oriented.

–FAO Schwarz

Overheard by: laura pieper

Posted on January 18, 2010
Age/Aging, Clerks, Customers, Kids, Parents, Shopping, Store, Wishes & desires

Shopping