Store

Wednesday One-Liners Are So Nouveau Riche

Female shopper to Bloomingdale's cologne sprayer: Don't you dare spray your $30 over my $150.

–Perfume Aisle, Bloomingdale's

Old lady on cell: I mean, it's just five million…

–Madison & 77th St

Very rich mom to new nanny, about baby in stroller: Okay, well, she loves sushi, and…

–Upper East Side

Rich teen: I asked my mom to go to Louis Vuitton with me this weekend and she was like, "we're in a recession, let's go to Dolce."

–42nd St

Overheard by: I want a m6

Label-whore eating grapes and cheese, to friend: Oh my god, I feel so rich when I eat this stuff… Oh, wait, I am.

–Paul's Cafe

Kyle Gets Payback for Mom's Gaydar Remark

Five-year-old boy: I have nipples! Look! I have nipples!
Mother: Yes, you do.
Five-year-old boy: I have breasts!
Mother: No, boys don't have breasts.
Five-year-old boy: Neither do you!

–Old Navy, Chelsea

Victoria's Most Well-Kept Secret

Son to father: Daddy, do they sell Spiderman clothes in here?
Father: No, I am pretty sure they don't sell Spiderman stuff in here.
Son: Yes they do!

–Victoria's Secret

Lucky the Cashier Had Completed Customer Service Training and Knew the Answer

Boy, looking at fish skull in glass case: Where is this fish native to?
Cashier: The ocean.

–Maxilla & Mandible

Overheard by: Aidan Shepard

Lifestyles of the Wednesday One-Liners and Famous

Rich girl to friend: I couldn’t decide between the Marc Jacobs sweater and the Dior jacket. It was like Sophie’s Choice.

–Outside NYU dorm

Rich lady on phone: Uh-huh, uh-huh, but what if we just put the tennis court where the house was? … Okay, okay, what if we demolish the existing tennis court and make that area the guest house again? Or create a glassed-in structure over the court instead?

–Madison Square Garden

Overheard by: mkp-hearts-nyc

Man lunching with friend: I mean, I never lost a million dollars before.

–55th & 6th Ave

Overheard by: ilegal browser

Dad to child in stroller, passing the park: What? You wanted to go in there? I thought you said you wanted to go to Marc Jacobs.

–Hudston St

Overheard by: Colleen

20-ish girl: Fuck my dad. How selfish can you be? If I want to live on West 11th, then fucking buy the flat on West 11th. Ugh. Sorry. Can I get another dirty martini?

–The Village

WASP lady: She’s not even nouveau riche — she is just nouveau!

–A Voce, 26th & Madison

And All This Time I Thought It Was a Compatibility Issue

Semi-irate customer: You mean all you did was swap out the USB cable?
Apple store guy: I guess the old girl just likes some new cable once in a while.

–Apple Store, West 14th

Headline by: g

Runners-Up:
· “…and If Your Feeling Adventurous, Try the Firewire Port.” – You might need some plugins first though…
· “And Occasionally a Bigger Hard Drive” – Chris
· “How Steve Jobs Talks Raunchy” – Julia
· “Now Take Her Home, Boot Her Up and Give a Little Wine and TLC Before You Go Trying to Violate All Her Ports Again.” – Gabbertoons
· “Too Many and She’ll Get a Virus” – Henk

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Don't Read Too Much Into These Wednesday One-Liners

Check in girl: I only like buying books with sparkles on the cover.

–York & 72nd

Overheard by: fance

Teenage girl on cell: I gotta find this book in the religion section. You know, it's like… it's not that you believe in god, or you don't believe in god, but that you just don't care? I want that book!

–Borders Bookstore, Midtown

Amtrak conductor: A free copy of Amtrak's Arrive magazine is located in your seat pocket. For those seeking enlightenment, this magazine is the first step.

–Train, Penn Station

Student, discussing The Sound and the Fury: I suppose it's a very *artsy* ending–a big, retarded guy holding a broken flower… Does that come with skinny jeans and an apartment in Williamsburg?

–Stuyvesant High School

Tipsy 30-something nerd: We can't all be riding escalators with hard-ons.(older woman turns around) What, lady? It's a literary reference, look it up!

–1st & 7th

Overheard by: Phyllis Dean

Not As Much As You Hate Geography…

Employee: Would you like to try a new Portuguese wine?
Customer: I love South American wines!

–Cabrini Wines, Hudson Heights

He’s Cheating on Me with Joe

College girl #1: I found out Mike’s cheating on me. I’m, like, totally devastated.
College girl #2: Ugh. What an asshole. How’d you find out?
College girl #1: Joe told me last week after we hooked up.
College girl #2: Ugh… Mike is such a jerk…

–Macy’s

Overheard by: Merlyn

Wednesday One-Liners: Unfiltered.

Chick on cell, not visibly pregnant: I'm having a c-section and a cigarette.

–Simply Natural, 43rd & 10th

Overheard by: Pleased

Recurrent drunkard to bar: I'm not a smoker! I'm a libertarian, for fuck's sake!

–Peter McMannus Pub

LIRR conductor: There will be no pugilism on this train. Additionally, tonight marks the first night of Kwanzaa, and in the spirit of Kwanzaa, I ask you to not smoke on this train. This is the final warning: if you are smoking, you will be ejected at the next convenient stop. Also, no throwing up is allowed on the train. The two places where you may throw up are in the conveniently-located bathrooms, or on yourselves. Again, merry Kwanzaa.

–LIRR

Overheard by: Jenna K

NYU girl: Do you have a cigarette to ease my cough?

–Waverly & Mercer

Chick: Mad Men is like porn for smokers.

–172nd St & Broadway

Overheard by: Ladle

© 2026 OverheardinNewYork.com
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist