Fuck One-Liners and the Wednesday They Rode in on

Angry woman, venting: Oh, but he doesn't know I scrapbook like a motherfucker.

–M&J Trimming

Girl, screaming: Fuck you, International Baccalaureate!

–Brooklyn

Really angry guy on cell: I'm talkin' about mothafuckin' cookies and apple juice!

–23rd & 6th

Overheard by: Q

Well-dressed black man, addressing entire train: Ladies and gentlemen, I'm here to talk to you today about… fucking. You see, everybody likes to fuck. My parents love to fuck. My ex-wife–she loved to fuck. President Obama, he enjoys fucking…

–Q Train

Overheard by: Hunter

Six-year-old girl to mother, ready for day at the beach: Shit, mom! It's fucking raining!

–Q Train

Suit on cell, cheerily: Okay, fuck you, bye!

–7th Ave & 50th St

Overheard by: dignell

Posted on September 23, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Drinks, Food, Girls, Guys, Insults, Kids, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Passengers, President, Sex, Store, Suits, Weather, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Excellent– You're Hired.

Chick #1: Would Bruce Springsteen be under “b” or “s”?
Chick #2: Duh! “b”! Baaah-ruce!

–Virgin Megastore, Times Square

Overheard by: DawllyLlama

Posted on September 22, 2009
Girls, Music, Names, Questions, Store, Times Square

Maybe, but Her Body Stayed in the River

Cashier #1: So I was like, “Damn! I ain't gonna be drowned like this!” So I fought fo' mah life! And that's why I ain't dead.
Cashier #2: Yeah, that's the desire to live! It's human instinct, yo!
Cashier #1: Unless you kill yoself or somethin'.
Cashier #2: Yeah, but that's only if you just off a building or hang yourself or some shit, no one gonna drown themself!
Columbia chick: Well actually, Virginia Woolf drowned herself.
Cashier #1: What, she fall into the bathtub?
Columbia chick: Um, well no, she put rocks in her pocket and walked into a river.
Cashier #2: I bet she walked right out again! Shit…

–Health Store, 114th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Vicksburg

Posted on September 19, 2009
About Celebrities, Accidents, Cashiers, Columbia, Death, Store, Students, Suicide

Best Place to Go for Aligator Pumps

Preppy rich girl #1: So, my dad just got back from Florida yesterday.
Preppy rich girl #2: Oh, really? Did he have fun?
Preppy rich girl #1: I guess. He was mad at me for some reason, so he didn't really tell me much. He said he really liked the Everglades, though.
Preppy rich girl #2: The Everglades? I have always wanted to go to that mall!

–Marc Jacobs Store

Overheard by: Alexa

Posted on September 12, 2009
Parents, Preppies, Questions, Rich people, Store, Stupidity, Tourism, Travel, Wishes & desires

Destiny's Child: Really Makes You Think

Salesgirl: And this is the Carol's Daughter line of hair and body products. The creator named it after her mother, Carol.
Sarcastic customer: Really? Wow, I'd never imagine that.
Salesgirl, not getting sarcasm: Yeah, isn't that really cool?

–Sephora, W 34th St

Overheard by: nisey79

Posted on September 5, 2009
Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clerks, Customers, Hair, Health and Hygiene, Names, Parents, Questions, Shopping, Store, Stupidity

Bowling for Wednesday One-Liner

Drunk thug, reflecting on his baby-mama's new man: I love motherfuckin' guns, and that's the bottom line, but I don't wanna go to jail.

–Bar, Cortelyou Road

Boy to limping blonde struggling to keep up: Oh my god, if you were a horse I would shoot you.

–NJ Transit

Overheard by: The Game

Father to two small children, pulling them away from the register: C'mon, guys. Let's go before mommy shoots herself.

–Forbidden Planet, 13th & Broadway

Loud black girl: It's Manhattan, I don't have to worry about getting shot.

–NYU

Guy on cell: Hey man, aren't you tired of being shot?

–Queens Center Mall

Posted on September 2, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Bars & Clubs, Black People, Boys, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Dads, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Families, Family Ties, Girls, Guys, Insults, Kids, Malls, NYU, On Cell, One-liners, Only in New York, Parents, Prison, Queens, Questions, Shoot, Store, Suicide, The Village, Thugs, Trains Not Subway, Weapons, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

If Only I Knew What It Tasted Like…

Gangsta #1: A glass elevator! Supersonic!
Gangsta #2: Goin' down?
Gangsta #1: This thing looks like a giant condom.
Gangsta #2: Now I know what my cum feels like when I'm bangin' my girl.

–Apple Store, 59th St

Overheard by: Matt w

Posted on August 31, 2009
Compare/Contrast, Condoms, Cum, Gangstas, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Sensory Experiences, Store

Only in the Event Of His Demise, Honey

10-year-old girl in store: Mommy, I want this too!
Mother: No, that's it, we have no more money.
10-year-old girl: That's not true, daddy said we are millionaires.

–83rd St & Madison Ave

Posted on August 29, 2009
Kids, Moms, Money & Class, Parents, Store, Upper East Side, Wishes & desires

It's Almost Like You Think We're Allowed to Speak Freely in This Country!

Crazy lady: You are the rudest, most obnoxious person I have ever encountered. I want to speak to your manager.
African American cashier: Okay, then go speak to him.
Crazy lady: You know just because Obama got elected, you can't have an attitude like that.

–Banana Republic

Overheard by: Jelly W

Posted on August 7, 2009
Black People, Cashiers, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, President, Race, Store, Wishes & desires

Nature: 2 Nurture: 0

Hyper five-year-old boy #1, shocked: And in France, men kiss each other! On the cheek!
Hyper five-year-old boy #2, mumbling: Wow, I wish I was French.
Hyper five-year-old boy #1, puzzled: Wait, what?
Hyper five-year-old boy #2, disgruntled, sighing: Nothing.

–Coldstone Creamery

Overheard by: Kat

Posted on August 6, 2009
Body Parts, Gays and Lesbians, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Kids, Store, Weirdness, Wishes & desires