Skinny girl #1: … And these guys always want to do blow with me, like all the time, it’s so weird!
Skinny girl #2: Awww, no one ever wants to do blow with me.
Skinny girl #1, whispering loudly: That’s because your ass is the size of Russia.
–Tiffany & Co.
Overheard by: EDW
Dad in pet food aisle, near huge bags of kitty litter: You can’t haul that.
Son: 190 pounds of solid muscle, man.
Dad, snorting: Thought that was canoli.
–Key Food, 4th St & Avenue A
Overheard by: Michelle
Cop: There are no downtown express trains! I repeat, there are no downtown express trains. If you have a problem with that, take it up with the President of the United States!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Trixie
Suit on cell: The problem with Canada is that it’s not the U.S.
–129th St, Harlem
Overheard by: Koen
Black guy on cell: Yeah, what is Condoleezza Rice, anyway? I think she’s Puerto Rican or Dominican. She’s definitely not American.
–Barnes & Noble, W 66th St
Black guy to white friend eating lunch: Ah, yes, the American dream: doing nothing while eating a sandwich.
–Stuyvesant High
Hobo: Thirty-two-gallon garbage can — who wants this beautiful 32-gallon garbage can? Made right here in the US-of-A! Come on, people! It’s an American product at Mexican prices. Now, what’s my first bid?
–4th Ave & Atlantic
Overheard by: Mike N
Large black lady on cell: I know, right? Osama bin Laden is like the Uncle Sam of America!
–CVS Pharmacy
Perfume guy: Gucci! Gucci! Gucci’ll get you a hoochie!
–Macy’s
Overheard by: alison
Woman selling belongings on street: Look here, deodorant! Brand new! One dollar.
–44th, between Lex & 3rd
Hawker with "Cheney/Satan ’08" bumper stickers: Inappropriate stickers here!
–Outside Grand Central
Musician to passerby eating cookie: If you like cookies, you’ll love my new album!
–9th & 6th
Overheard by: Gil
AM New York lady to another: Bitch, don’t be comin’ over here! AM New York, people — get your AM New York! Fuck you, you bitch, I been here since seven AM every day this week. Don’t be givin’ me that shit. Get your lazy ass off my corner ‘fore I cut you! Fuck you, bitch! Fuck you! AM New York, people, AM New York…
–Penn Station
Overheard by: BJ
Comedy hawker: Free bag of marijuana with your purchase! Yaaay!
–43rd & 7th
Overheard by: Sarah R
Man: $100 for a garbage can?!?
Woman: Unless there’s a person in it…
–Target, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Drizzle
Supermarket stock guy, screaming into cell while loading cheese onto shelves: Yo! What up, punk ass! Call me back punk ass bitch!
[Hangs up cell and breaks into chorus of that “Oh What a Night (December ’63)” song.]100-year-old male shopper: ’63? You’re not even old enough to remember ’63.
Stock guy: Man, I was born in ’60. July 1960.
100-year-old male shopper: Oh, ’60, huh? I served in Korea…
–20th St & 1st Ave
Overheard by: LiAps
Black security guard: Hello, and welcome to Urban Outfitters. Break it down, break it down, break it down, break it down, break it down…
–Urban Outfitters, 6th Ave
Security guy to woman whose bag is in the machine: Lady, there is something Batman-shaped in your bag. Do you have Batman in your bag? Are you aware that you are not allowed to take American heroes out of the country?
–LaGuardia
Overheard by: Susan
Big security guard: Put your IDs in the air! … And wave ’em around like you just don’t care!
–NYU SIlver Building
Security guard, into walkie talkie: Ice, get your balls out of your wife’s purse, and kick that guy out!
–Music Hall of Williamsburg, Jonathan Richman concert
Overheard by: j-bones
Blonde #1: Look how big that dog is!
Blonde #2: Oh my god, that dog’s as big as my body!
–ESPN store
Man: How’s this?
Woman: Like that, but way more sequins. It’s got to catch the eye!
–Kohl’s, Bay Parkway, Brooklyn
Girl #1: I can’t wait ’til we get to college. We’re going to be different people. And, like, we’re going to be the best dressed people on campus. We’re gonna be awesome!
Girl #2: Yeah. No one will dress better than us!
Girl #1: Yeah. So awesome!
–Macy’s dressing room, 34th St
Overheard by: evie24
