Don't Read Too Much Into These Wednesday One-Liners

Check in girl: I only like buying books with sparkles on the cover.

–York & 72nd

Overheard by: fance

Teenage girl on cell: I gotta find this book in the religion section. You know, it's like… it's not that you believe in god, or you don't believe in god, but that you just don't care? I want that book!

–Borders Bookstore, Midtown

Amtrak conductor: A free copy of Amtrak's Arrive magazine is located in your seat pocket. For those seeking enlightenment, this magazine is the first step.

–Train, Penn Station

Student, discussing The Sound and the Fury: I suppose it's a very *artsy* ending–a big, retarded guy holding a broken flower… Does that come with skinny jeans and an apartment in Williamsburg?

–Stuyvesant High School

Tipsy 30-something nerd: We can't all be riding escalators with hard-ons.(older woman turns around) What, lady? It's a literary reference, look it up!

–1st & 7th

Overheard by: Phyllis Dean

Posted on May 11, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Books & Writing, Clerks, Clothing, Conductors, Erections, God, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Nerds, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Penn Station, Public Transportation, Religion, Shopping, Store, Street, Students, Stupidity, Stuyvesant, Teens, Train Station, Trains Not Subway, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Wishes & desires, Women

What What (On the Butt)?

Barnard-looking girl #1: You can shower, but then, if you take a shit, you feel totally dirty again. But those, they're like wiping with a washcloth.
Barnard-looking girl #2: I've almost crapped myself a few times on the subway and had to get off at the next stop.

–Grand & Havermeyer, Brooklyn

Posted on May 9, 2015
Brooklyn, Cleanliness, Compare/Contrast, Poop, Public Transportation, Students, Weirdness

Everyone Who Knows My Wife Feels This Way

English teacher: I tell her I can’t come to bed because I’m working. So basically, the definition [of a Penolopean web] is doing something to avoid doing something you don’t want to do.
Kid: Are you saying you’d rather plan our lessons than have sex with your wife?
English teacher: [Leaves the room.]

–LaGuardia High

Overheard by: ToMuchInfo

Posted on May 9, 2015
Relationships, School, Students, Teachers/Professors

He’s Cheating on Me with Joe

College girl #1: I found out Mike’s cheating on me. I’m, like, totally devastated.
College girl #2: Ugh. What an asshole. How’d you find out?
College girl #1: Joe told me last week after we hooked up.
College girl #2: Ugh… Mike is such a jerk…

–Macy’s

Overheard by: Merlyn

Posted on May 9, 2015
Infidelity, Store, Students

Wednesday One-Liners: Unfiltered.

Chick on cell, not visibly pregnant: I'm having a c-section and a cigarette.

–Simply Natural, 43rd & 10th

Overheard by: Pleased

Recurrent drunkard to bar: I'm not a smoker! I'm a libertarian, for fuck's sake!

–Peter McMannus Pub

LIRR conductor: There will be no pugilism on this train. Additionally, tonight marks the first night of Kwanzaa, and in the spirit of Kwanzaa, I ask you to not smoke on this train. This is the final warning: if you are smoking, you will be ejected at the next convenient stop. Also, no throwing up is allowed on the train. The two places where you may throw up are in the conveniently-located bathrooms, or on yourselves. Again, merry Kwanzaa.

–LIRR

Overheard by: Jenna K

NYU girl: Do you have a cigarette to ease my cough?

–Waverly & Mercer

Chick: Mad Men is like porn for smokers.

–172nd St & Broadway

Overheard by: Ladle

Posted on May 9, 2015
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Celebrations/Parties, Compare/Contrast, Conductors, Drunks, Fighting and ass kicking, Film, Girls, Illness, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Politics, Porn, Preggers, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Public Transportation, Smoking, Store, Students, The Village, Trains Not Subway, Vomit, Washington Heights and Inwood, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Only If You'll Indulge My Peter O'Toole Impression

Professor: When would be a good day for our review session?
Student: How about Friday?
Professor: Nope, sorry. Friday I'm gonna get my drink on!
Student: Can we have it in the bar?

–NYU

Posted on May 8, 2015
Drinking & Drunk People, Education, NYU, Questions, School and studying, Students, Teachers/Professors, Time

The Bell Tolls for Wednesday One-Liners

Chick on cell: I hope you fucking die! Die! … Well, not like now… but someday… like, when you’re eighty.. Okay, eighty-four.

–NYU

Overheard by: Kelly

Student: … And I was all, ‘Dude, don’t touch my side of the cadaver!’

–Albert Einstein College of Medicine

Overheard by: BuddyblueJD

15-year-old: Look! They’re dying because they suck!

—The Bucket List showing, AMC Empire 25

20-ish chick: After I died, I hardly did anything.

–45th & 3rd

Overheard by: mkr

Blonde to gal pals, on Heath Ledger: It just made me realize how real death is when even a celebrity can die!

–25th & 1st

Posted on May 5, 2015
About Celebrities, Age/Aging, College, Death, Default, Girls, Gripes, Idiots, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Movie Theaters, Murray Hill and Gramercy, NYU, On Cell, Students, Stupidity, Teens, Time, Wishes & desires

Tomorrow –Wood-Chippers and Car Trunks!

Student: So how can we use this information to our advantage?
Professor: Well, if you were ever going to kill someone you would want to bury them in wet ground.
Student: Like a swamp?
Professor, with evil grin: A swamp would be ideal.

–Electromagnetics Lecture, Columbia University

Posted on May 4, 2015
Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Crime and Punishment, Default, Education, Murder, Questions, Students, Teachers/Professors, Weirdness

…If He Knows What’s Good for Him

Loud girl #1: I don’t wanna go, what if I cheat on my boyfriend?
Loud girl #2: Whatever, he won’t care. He’s fat, he’ll get over it.

–Outside Pace University

Overheard by: Aaron

Posted on May 3, 2015
Default, Diet/Weight, Girls, Relationships, School, Students, Wishes & desires

Students

‘Clitorides.’ (Seriously.)