Chick: I wish my mother was fucking dead! I wish my mother was fucking dead! I’m going to kill that bitch! I wish she would die like the whore that she is!
Smiling suit: G’mornin’!
–PATH train
Overheard by: Rick Y.
Chick: I wish my mother was fucking dead! I wish my mother was fucking dead! I’m going to kill that bitch! I wish she would die like the whore that she is!
Smiling suit: G’mornin’!
–PATH train
Overheard by: Rick Y.
Teenage boy: Did you know that “woman” spelled backwards is “kitchen”?
Female suit with briefcase: Go fuck yourself.
–Times Square
Girl to boyfriend: Your idea of romance is an 8-ball and trying to get a hard-on!
–12th & Broadway
Preppy girl: Nothing turns me on like carbon monoxide!
–Lucky Jack's
Overheard by: Argopelter
Excited suit: He came out of the womb with a woody!
–1st Ave & 10th
Overheard by: moodle
Girl on cell: I heart you like an erection!
–34th & 2nd
Jock/pretty boy: Dude, I don't know why but she'd always give me boners in the middle of class.
–St Marks & 2nd Ave
Chick: It's all erections and prostates, erections and prostates! Could we have our check, please?
–Arctica Bar & Grill, 3rd Ave & 27th St
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Suit to woman blocking left side of escalator: Politely excuse me, could you move aside? (woman waves man around and keeps chatting on cell)
Suit, politely: Ma'am, you should stay to the right if you are standing.
(woman angrily waves, mutters)
Suit, pushing her past: Fucking cunt!
Woman, politely: Fuck you, bitch.
–WTC PATH Station
Overheard by: Mondo Man
Loud guy: I can turn my dick into a Whopper with fries!
–MacDougal Ale House
Overheard by: Ladle
Small Indian boy: Penis! Penis! [His mother scolds him in Hindi.] … Penis!
–47th & 5th
10-year-old boy to friends: … And then he drew, like, three penises! And then I had to get home in, like, three and a half seconds!
–11th & 3rd
Overheard by: Hannah
Suit to another: Jesus Christ! It’s not my fault your penis drips!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Sydney
Dude to friend: Let’s think of words that rhyme with ‘dick.’
–49th & 7th
Pre-med chick: We had this cadaver in lab that we called ‘Schlongo’ because his penis was a foot long. No, seriously, it was really a foot long!
–Bodies Exhibit
Overheard by: a.j.w.
Worried suit: Oh, good. I was hoping you would call. Uh yes…I’ve had bloody stool twice in the past two weeks… Yes, the blood is around it…I don’t know. What do you advise?
–McGraw-Hill Building, Rockefeller Center
Overheard by: HELP! I’m in the cube across from him
Woman to male companion: I don’t give a shit about no fucking white people, they can suck my bloody pussy. My shit is all bloody and nasty, but I changed my drawers and shit. At least I don’t just rinse it out and hang it in front of a fan…
–G Train
One-eyed Armenian worker, pointing to sample bottle of Vampire wine: Would you like a taste of this wine? It’s half blood, but only the blood of pretty girls, I only drink pretty girls.
–Liquor Store, 10th St & 2nd Ave
MTA cop to blood drive employee: You want blood? I’ll give you blood. Just not from my arm, if you know what I mean.
–Penn Station
Bro: If it looks like blood, it coagulates like blood.
–6 Train
Girl on cell: How was Vicky’s sweet 16? [couple of seconds later] Was the blood from your nose or your ass?
–36th St & Broadway, Astoria
Overheard by: Cody
Suit #1: The smell, the feel, sometimes you just gotta stick your nose in a pussy.
Suit #2: Seriously, man.
–46th & 5th
Overheard by: Amused Suit
Thug to friend: That bitch looked up at me and said, "Damn, your dick tastes like coffee."
–86th St & Lexington
Overheard by: TINA
Female suit to other: Duane Reade is like the Starbucks of drugstores!
–Duane Reade
Old lady with shopping cart, exiting voting booth: Where's my Starbucks coupon?
–PS163, Bath Beach, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Torgo61
Guy on cell: Hey, bro! I'm having coffee and a bagel. (pause) No, an animal did not have to die for me to have this coffee!
–Arthur Avenue
Overheard by: eternal student
Man with heavy Indian accent holding a cup of Starbucks coffee: No, the most expensive coffee in the world is coffee beans eaten and then pooped out by a cat. It's $120 a cup.
–Elevator, 7th Ave & 31st St
Girl to friend: So last night I hit myself in the eye with my broom while baking lasagna, drunk.
–Blarney Stone Pub
Suit on cell: Oh man, you should definitely ice and elevate that shit.
–AMC Lowes, 68th & Broadway
Overheard by: Jessica Segal
Man in wheelchair to woman pushing him: Remember when I hit that stroller head on and the kid passed out?
–33rd b/w 7th & 8th
Conductor on speaker: Please bring the first aid kit to car three, please bring the first aid kit to car three, a passenger has a bite.
–Train Leaving Penn Station
Teen to friend: And that’s how I got my penis stuck in a pencil sharpener.
–Stuyvesant High School
Suit on cell: No, I’m not coming in today…I’m on the Upper East Side. There’s all this traffic from the Pope’s "Don’t sodomize the kids" world tour.
–83rd & Lex
Guy at bar: Most Popes hate Jews.
–6th and D
Gamer kid: Yeah, I was in DC this weekend with the Pope… Yeah, I saw that muthafucka.
–218th & Park Terrace West
Overheard by: Kelley
Old lady, about young girl: Oh, she looks nice. She’s wearing Pope shoes.
–Carmine St
Overheard by: arctinus
