Teens

Teen girl #1, looking at subway ad: Yo, that shit be following me everywhere!
Teen girl #2: The giraffe…?
Teen girl #1: That shit follows me everywhere.
Teen girl #2: That’s because it’s summertime.
Teen girl #1: Who wants to go to the Bronx Zoo?!

–A train

Overheard by: someone who wants to go to the Bronx Zoo
Headline by: Emily

Runners-Up:
· “And you thought the GUYS there were creepy…” – Em
· “Apparently, when nature calls, she hangs up the phone” – Elisabeth
· “Better Than Cats!” – Christin
· “Better that than the old guy touching himself in the corner” – Dan
· “I thought the subway always smelled like that” – Justin L
· “It’s all part of their plan” – Rich
· “It’s better than being stalked by the guy in ‘Bodies'” – Neill
· “Rehab’s a Bitch” – Playtah
· “Smarter than the average bear – but only slightly” – C J
· “Somewhere an Advertising Executive Just Wet His Pants” – jay
· “Subliminal Text Messaging” – Jill
· “The one place it won’t follow me!” – jnice
· “The pink elephants had the day off” – Roy
· “The zoo always has the best shit.” – Adam
· “They are SO voted off the Ark” – Emily

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Dad: How about Akeelah and the Bee?
Teen daughter: Ehhh…
Dad: What, had enough of black girls?
Teen daughter: Dad!

–Reel Life South, Park Slope

High school kid #1: I’ve never been to Staten Island.
High school kid #2: It’s weird — there are random delis in between houses.

–1 train, between 59th & 50th St

Overheard by: JD

Drunk White guy: Do you think I’m a good looking guy?
Teen chick: No, you are ugly.
Drunk White guy: Tell me what is ugly about me. Is it the scars on my face? I used to be a fighter.

She leaves the subway car.

Drunk White guy: I’ve had plenty of pussy. Black, White, Spanish, Colombian–that was the best–young Hispanic, young White, one time this nice African-American girl Tiffany. We were really in love…

–6 train

Teen boy #1: Nah, nigga, she can’t be Spanish. She too skinny.
Teen boy #2: She’s Spanish, yo.
Teen boy #1: I tell you, she ain’t from Spain. She’s from Europe. She has a Euro-sounding name.
Teen boy #2: Maybe she’s Mexican.
Teen boy #1: Yeah, she could be Mexican.

–Tompkins Square Park

Overheard by: Heather

Man: All I want is vaginal fluids. Been locked up for years upstate.

–Astor Place

Hipster dude: It smells like dirty vagina out here.

–Graham & Richardson, Williamsburg

Amateur gynecologist: I mean, when you think about it, he’s really just a big vagina with sand in it.

–93rd & 3rd

Frat guy: I don’t know, man…I just don’t trust her vagina.

–Outside Ray’s Pizza, Houston St

Overheard by: Becky

Chubby teen: I’ve never even touched a vagina!

–100th & Amsterdam

Worker: They had a bet on who ate the best pussy. They get on the stage and take turns going down on her.

–32nd & Madison

Woman, to store clerk: Excuse me, do you knows where the pussy products is?

–Duane Reade, 45th & 6th

Teen girl, about old Latina scolding dog in Spanish: Stupid bitch! Dogs don’t speak Spanish!

–86th & Columbus

Dude, walking up to security desk in emergency room: Hi. It feels like my balls are about to fall off.

–St. Lukes Roosevelt Hospital

Overheard by: Kate Melvin

Stoner chick: The girls are all hairy balls, and the photos look like hairy balls, and they wear hairy ball sacks, but Tyra is the biggest hairy ball of them all.

–7 train

Overheard by: bronwyn

Out-of-place guido: I ain’t wearing nothin’ that touches my balls to my asshole!

–8th Ave

Overheard by: finds it comforting

Teenage boy to friends, about a movie: Yooo, it’s like a chick flick with balls!!! You know, like a guy’s chick flick!!!"

–E 85th St & 3rd Ave

Guy: I use Burt’s bees for my balls.

–Broadway & W 4th

Overheard by: Jake R

Guy #1 to guy #2: I really think you’d feel a lot better if you felt my balls.

–6th Ave & Bleecker

Girl to guy friend: Ohmigod, I accidentally walked in on my mom while she was doing it last night!
Guy: Super nasty. I'd hate to see that.
Girl: Actually, mom was holding it down. I think I could learn some moves from her.
Guy: What? How long did you watch?
Girl: It was nothing, like ten minutes.

–33rd St & Lexington

Overheard by: tinydancer