Teen girl: My dad told me that pee was nutritious.
Friend: Oh? Pee's only like 95% water and 5% waste. I don't think there's any nutrition in it.
Teen girl: Oh.
(a few minutes later)
Teen girl: Do you think pee would taste like sugar if all you ate were sugar and water?
Friend: Then wouldn't the pee be like 95% water and 5% sugar?
–6 Train
Bully: What’s up? What’s up? What’s up? What’s up? What’s up? What’s up? Why are you jacking me?
Scared Russian teen: I don’t know what that means!
–D Train
Teen girl: I asked George what his cousin looked like. He said, “He looks like me but with hazel eyes.” How the hell am I supposed to know what he looks like? I don’t know no one with hazel eyes.
–Lincoln Center
Random hipster: If David Bowie had wheels, how much would you pay to ride on him?
–St. Mark's Place
Overheard by: haxromana
Scrawny hipster dude to another: All I'm saying is: I want to be in a position where I'm not liking it, and I know he's not liking it either.
–Troutman & Evergreen
Overheard by: Kristen
Hipster: I was much more desperate in Chicago.
–6 Train
Hipster kid: I'm just afraid that my sweatshirt isn't edgy enough.
–SoundFix Records, Brooklyn
Overheard by: chelce
Teenager: He's having a hard time dealing with being a hipster.
–Columbus Circle
Middle aged theater-goer to teenage boy dressed as renaissance page: Are you a part of the performance?
Page boy: Nay, nay. Far from it.
Middle aged theater-goer: What?
Page boy: Nay, nay. Far from it.
Middle aged theater-goer: Then why are you dressed like that?
Page boy: I'm just an eccentric patron.
Middle aged theater-goer: Oh.
Page boy: Someone has to play the part of eccentric patron.
Middle aged theater-goer: Well, good for you. High-five me, if that's not too far out of your century.
–Schubret Theater
Girl to friend: So last night I hit myself in the eye with my broom while baking lasagna, drunk.
–Blarney Stone Pub
Suit on cell: Oh man, you should definitely ice and elevate that shit.
–AMC Lowes, 68th & Broadway
Overheard by: Jessica Segal
Man in wheelchair to woman pushing him: Remember when I hit that stroller head on and the kid passed out?
–33rd b/w 7th & 8th
Conductor on speaker: Please bring the first aid kit to car three, please bring the first aid kit to car three, a passenger has a bite.
–Train Leaving Penn Station
Teen to friend: And that’s how I got my penis stuck in a pencil sharpener.
–Stuyvesant High School
Teen boy: Hey, do you know if there is a real Chinese food place around here?
Teen girl: Yeah, one that’s not Japanese?
–Sushi restaurant, 81st & York
Overheard by: j.pie
Teenage son, to his white dad: Dad, you look like a homeless person!
White mom: Yeah, you want a dollar, nigga!?
–87th & 3rd
Overheard by: Rob Dobrenski
Chick: Why doesn’t anyone give monuments as gifts anymore?
Teen boy: …Ha, ha, ha!
Chick: No, you know what I mean, like the Statue of Liberty.
Teen boy: Wouldn’t it be great to blindfold someone, telling them you’ve got this great surprise for them, then take them to the Statue of Liberty, take the blindfold off and say: “It’s for you!”
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Chloe Amara
Officer to old lady: Hey, don't leave you bag on the floor, there are terrorist everywhere.
–45th St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: StriderNo9
Suit on cell: So you're gonna vote for a Muslim and a terrorist?
–MoMA
Hipster to friend: Yeah, terrorists totally love Bush.
–46th and 9th
Overheard by: choosing not to capitalize the B
Tourist: Are you guys terrorists?
–Rally for Gaza, 42nd & 7th
Overheard by: ooga booga
Loud black queer teen: But his best joke was like "What do you call people who hate ketchup?" (no response) "Al-Qaeda!" (bursts out laughing) Get it? It's funny because they don't have ketchup in Iraq!
–1 Train
Overheard by: Ketchup lover
