Teen girl #1: So, my boyfriend told me that if I didn’t have sex with him, he’d break up with me. So I did, but then he broke up with me anyway. I don’t understand!
Teen girl #2: Well, maybe you were really bad at it.
–43rd & 7th
Teen girl #1: So, my boyfriend told me that if I didn’t have sex with him, he’d break up with me. So I did, but then he broke up with me anyway. I don’t understand!
Teen girl #2: Well, maybe you were really bad at it.
–43rd & 7th
Teenage bride-to-be on cell: …yeah. But, no, I’m totally ready to walk across the aisle.
–Target, South Bronx
Overheard by: so this is the bronx
Suit: You expect me to spend the rest of my life with only one woman? One woman? One godforsaken woman?
–42nd St & Madison
Hula hoop guy to tourist couple: Sir! I’ll show you! You don’t have to do it, but hula hoops have saved a lot of marriages!
–Washington Square Park
Old woman to imaginary friend: I’d make a great wife, mothafucka!
–F train
Overheard by: Trying Not to Laugh
Girl: Can I do your brother at one of your weddings?
–Monitor St, Brooklyn
Young woman on cell: Well yeah, but he didn’t sleep with your bridesmaids.
–82nd & Lex
Man on cell: Ok, fine! You want to get married?
–Upper West Side
Young teenage boy to friend: Man, I fuckin' hate this job. I'd make more money bein' a drug dealer or somethin'.
Hobo: I used to think the same way as you.
Young teenage boy's friend: So you became a drug dealer and ruined your life?
Hobo: No, I fuckin' went to college and ruined my life.
–1 Train
Older guy: This is classic Tupac before the gangsta rap.
High school girl: What you listenin’ to him for? He dead.
–31st & 7th
Headline by: Andrea
Runners-Up:
· “And Besides, His Grammar Is Sub-par” – Louis
· “John Edwards Radio: Dead Artists, Unfinished Buisness” – diana
· “My Anti-posthumousness Rule Also Applies to Literature. Shakespeare? Who Dat?” – Michelle
· “So? 3 Out Of 4 Americans Listen to That Jesus Guy!” – kh
Teenage boy: Did you know that “woman” spelled backwards is “kitchen”?
Female suit with briefcase: Go fuck yourself.
–Times Square
High school chick: I don’t have any problems — I’m just bipolar! [To neighboring table] Hi! Wanna hear a joke?
–Georgia Diner, Queens Blvd
Overheard by: cracking up
Teen boy: I wanna get an American Eagle sweater.
Teen girl: I wanna punch you in the face.
–R train, Bay Ridge Ave
Train conductor: This is Dyckman Street.
Rotten little teenager (somehow getting on loudspeaker): Dyckman Street, yo! Suck my motherfuckin' dick!
(passengers all bewildered)
Train conductor, on next stop: This is 207th Street. Sorry, that was some kid in the back of the train, not me.
–1 Train
Overheard by: Kyle Crocodile
Teen girl in cross-colors #1: That's the thing about gay dudes! They have the best comebacks!
Teen girl in cross-colors #2: I know!
–Flatbush Ave & St. Mark's Place
Overheard by: Eric S
Hipster guy: Dude, he always blames it on the train dispatcher. He needs to own his problems, you know?
–F train
Overheard by: Patrick Di Justo
