Fun at the Post Office

A young man apparently cuts the line at the PO.

Old Italian: Hey, there’s a line here buddy.
Young guy: I waited already, I got money orders.
Old Italian: I didn’t see you anywhere near the line.
Young guy: I got money orders before and now I’m mailing them.
Old Italian: We’ve all got orders. Geez, no one wants to wait on line any more. And now the guy’s serving him.
Young guy: Shut up.
Old Italian: Ah, get lost, you idiot. If I was five years younger I would put you up against the wall.
Postal Worker: Next.
Old Italian: How much to send this express mail?
Postal Worker: $13.65.
Old Italian: Maron.

–Bensonhurst

Posted on July 31, 2014
Brooklyn, Guys, Insults, Italians, Money & Class, Old People, Questions, Talking/Convos, Threats, Vendors & Street Performers

“Then we had New Year’s in March.”

Guy: I’ve been to Germany twice because I have a friend who’s from there. I went to Oktoberfest, but it was in June.
Hans: They had Oktoberfest in June? It must have been just for you…American tourists.

–25th St. & 3rd Ave.

Posted on July 11, 2014
Drinking & Drunk People, Foreigners, Guys, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Parades & Festitivites, People, Places, Threats, Topics, Tourism, Travel

They Grow Up So Fast

Asian Kid: The fucking Triads are on your tail, bitch. Run!
Hispanic Kid: Fuck that! The Latin Kings will pump lead into your asses.
Black Kid: Nah, the Bloods and Crips will beat you down.
Jewish Kid: Yo…Um…I’ll get my yarmulke peoples to smack you all, son. What now nigga spic chink bitch ho? Suck my matzoh balls, bitch!

–Canal Street

Overheard by: Jonathan Harris

Posted on July 10, 2014
Age/Aging, Asians, Black People, Jews, Judaism, Kids, Latinos, Race, Threats, Violence, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

You’ll Never Get to Do It if You Warn Her!

Guy on cell: I’m going to kill you, and it’s going to hurt. You know that, right?…I’m not talking shit!

–Duane Reade, 44th & 5th

Posted on July 10, 2014
Death, Duane Reade, Murder, On Cell, One-liners, Threats

Wednesday One-Liners Will Cut a Bitch.

Middle schooler on field trip: Oh my god, we're gonna get knifed.

–Times Square

Woman on cell: Do you have any chainsaws I can borrow?

–38th & 2nd

Harley Davidson dude to another: So I stabbed that guy, and that guy, and then that guy.

–7th St & Bedford Ave

Overheard by: NYCQ

Woman on cell: Today is not the day. I can't come to 14th Street or I'll stab you.

–42nd St & Ave of the Americas

Overheard by: Matthew

Posted on February 2, 2011
Brooklyn, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Questions, Threats, Times Square, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

The Harlem Girls' Theater Troupe Stars in The Legend Of Sleepy Holla

10-year-old girl, looking at jack-o'-lantern: Look at Mr Pumpkinhead!
8-year-old girl: It's rude to call someone “pumpkinhead.”
10-year-old girl: It's not rude, he ain't got no legs!
8-year-old girl, singing to herself: Touch my money, I'll break your face…

–Pathmark, 145th St

Posted on December 8, 2010
Harlem & Morningside Heights, Holidays, Kids, Should've Used a Condom, Threats

Wednesday One-Liners Keep It Rail

Conductor: Ladies in gentlemen, we would be moving, but there's a bitch-ass 5 train ahead hogging all the customers at 59th St.

–4 Express Train

Overheard by: Lexington

Conductor: Once again, there are no 2 or 3 trains from this station, so if you are looking for anything, don't get off the train, coz it's not gonna be there.

–Downtown 4 Train

Overheard by: Donz

Conductor: Okay, raise your hand if you want to leave!

–7 Train

Overheard by: will it help if I put two hands up?

Conductor: Do not get on this train. It is not taking any passengers, not even one. Do not even try, you will get kicked off.

–Fordham Rd, Bronx

Overheard by: The next train isn't for an hour and I'm already late.

Conductor: Attention, passengers… You cannot use chemical solvents on the train.

–NJ Transit

Conductor: The next stop will be Bryant Park, #2nd Street. What a gorgeous day! Why not take advantage of one of New York City's many fine outdoor eateries. Have you heard the one about the monk and the hot dog vendor? Hot dog vendor: "What's it going to be, buddy?" Monk: "Make me one with everything"! This is Bryant Park, 42nd Street. Have an enlightened day!

–F Train

Posted on November 3, 2010
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Christianity, Conductors, Insults, Junk Food & Fast Food, Kick, On the Subway, One-liners, Passengers, Public Transportation, Subway conductors, The Bronx, Threats, Time, Trains Not Subway, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners Are Beautiful, Dammit!

Man to woman on lunch date: Pussy makes the world go round. When you're 85, dyin', you don't want to regret it if you never got to stick your head up there, or whatever. You wanna die sated.

–Madison Square Park

Overheard by: Christine

Man, as two women approach: Vagiiiiiina, vagiiiiiiiiiiiina, vagiiiiiiiiiiiiiinaaaaaaa!

–Washington Square

Overheard by: Joe

Hipster on cell: I don't even know you! I do not want to see your vagina.

–Park Ave & 22nd St

Overheard by: Sophia

Suit on cell: I'm gonna cut off her cunt and make her wear it as a hat!

–Times Square

Teenager to friend: That girl has a Stargate vagina. You put it in and, bam, a kid pops out!

–Catherine St & Madison St

Girl at speed dating event: …like my vagina!

–Watering Hole, E 19th St

Posted on November 3, 2010
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Compare/Contrast, Death, Friends, Girls, Hipsters, Kids, Lower East Side, Madison Square Garden, Men, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Sex, Street, Suits, Teens, Threats, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Violence, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Threats