20-something woman: Which of these trains goes to Exchange Place?
Cop: You gotta take this train to Pavonia, then transfer to one going to the World Trade Center, and that'll take you to Exchange Place.
20-something woman, after pause: Never mind. (exits station)
–PATH Train
Patient stranger: You don't know who Christopher Walken is? Let's see… He was in Wedding Crashers.
Jersey blonde: Oh, you mean Bradley Cooper?
Patient stranger: No… He was the Senator.
Jersey blonde: Oh, you mean Vince Vaughn!
Patient stranger: No. Vince Vaughn played Vince Vaughn.
–PATH Train
Railway announcer: This is the train to Ronkonkoma, next stop Jamaica, Queens.
Little boy to dad: See, dad… I told you he said “yarmulke”!
–LIRR
Overheard by: Charlotte
Film student: There's subtext to butt-sex?
–School of Visual Arts
Girl, to guy: Was your dick *in* my ass? Did we just do anal?
–Lower East Side
College girl: And my butthole is probably a lot tighter than hers.
–LIRR
Middle aged suit: I think I'd really enjoy anal because I always take such big craps.
–Union Square
Overheard by: alib
Woman to friend: Did you know the latest teenage fad is butt sex?
–177th St & Broadway
Young Jersey gay boy going to pride parade: Oh my god, my thighs are so pasty. And hairy!
Friend: Yeah, it's like someone cut their hair over a bowl of sour cream.
–NJ Transit
Overheard by: JBe
Drunk girl in Rangers jersey: You guys won't guess how old I am. (hands her ID to drunk guy)
Drunk guy: Well, you're legal… But you're not legal to drink.
–Metro-North Rail
Engineer on PA: Check the back door, check the back door, we've got a red light.
Conductor, in very geeky voice: Okay… Okay, everybody. Whoever you are. Who… Uh… Uh… Manually tries to… Uh… Open the train doors… Uh… You'll… You'll… You'll be locked up… I'm tellin' ya…! You'll be locked up!
(entire train howls with laughter)
–Train Arriving at Penn Station
Overheard by: Margaret
Suit on train to giant loud Hawaiian guy on cell: Hey, would you keep it down?
Loud Hawaiian giant: Fuck you, you're prejudiced! I wasn't loud.
Suit: You woke me up! And what's this prejudiced thing, are you Jewish?
Hawaiian giant: Fuck you ! I ain't goin' to jail! Fuck jail!
–NJT Train into Penn Station
Girl to guy on packed train: I'm a teacher.
Guy: (silence)
Girl: No, I don't drink a lot.
Guy: (silence)
Girl: I get high every weekend as soon as I get away from the little monsters. There's no drug testing because of the teachers union.
–LIRR
Overheard by: Joshua
Conductor: We have eleven cars today. If we only have five cars tomorrow, don't have short term memory loss and say, "five cars, this happens all the time."
–Metro North
Hot dog vendor to guys standing behind stand: 100 times I've fucked, and have 98 kids.
–Outside Metropolitan Museum of Art
Teen hipster girl to friend : On a scale of one to ten, how many cars are coming?
–33rd St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Erika
Angry man on cell: Don't talk to me like that! I'll leave you! I will leave you! You know how many women there are in this world? (pause) A thousand!
–45th St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Native Ear
