Crying hipster girl: I lost $300 on that fucking team!
Hipster guy: Wait, why are you a Patriots fan? You’re from, like, California.
Crying hipster girl: Yeah, but I summer in Vermont!
–Pop Burger, 58th & 5th
Crying hipster girl: I lost $300 on that fucking team!
Hipster guy: Wait, why are you a Patriots fan? You’re from, like, California.
Crying hipster girl: Yeah, but I summer in Vermont!
–Pop Burger, 58th & 5th
Bland middle-aged woman: It's not like you're giving head in the Port Authority bathroom!
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: j
English tourist: You'll go home and people will ask: "So what did you do on holiday?" You'll reply: "Oh, I gave the Empire State Building a blowjob!"
–34th St
Guy on cell: Ugh, fuck me in the ass. No… no, not you. Meanie. Why don't you just suck my dick. Suck my dick!
–34th Street
Dude on cell: It was like getting a blowjob from the inside.
–8th Ave & 53rd St
Guy on cell: Is that the guy that's been sucking your dick?
–81st & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Kelley
Young guy on cell: And then I said: "I could really use a blowjob right now." She was offended!
–48th & Park
Young black man to friend: Just because she sucks my dick doesn't make her Oprah Winfrey.
–B48 Bus
Chick #1: I didn’t get into any of the colleges on the east coast I applied to. I’m so bummed.
Chick #2: But you got into Miami — that’s pretty cool.
Chick #1: But that’s not on the east coast. I’m going to have to get a passport and some crazy shots to go there.
–W 10th & Bleecker
Girl #1: So how do you like New York?
Guy: I love it. I mean, I love coming here, but I couldn’t live here.
Girl #2: Why not?
Guy: I’m not a snow person. Snow should be visited, not lived in. Me and blizzards just wouldn’t get along.
Girl #1: We’re from South Carolina. We love it here. We don’t mind
the snow. It’s better than the storms and hurricanes.
Girl #2: Yeah, I hate the hurricanes.
Guy: Well, where I live we don’t have blizzards or hurricanes.
Girl #1: But you have earthquakes. That’s worse.
Guy: Maybe, but we don’t have earthquake season.
–Atlantic & 3rd, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Big Dave
Guy: I’m going to Chicago this weekend.
Girl: Jealous.
Guy: Want me to bring you back a hot dog?
Girl: Minus the dog.
Guy: Polish sausage?
Girl: Vegetarian.
Guy: Sausage pizza? Italian sausage? Sausage smoothie?
Girl: Totally.
Guy: Why doesn’t someone open a sausage smoothie store in Chicago? They’d be a millionaire.
–F train
Announcer dude: People, get the Audio Guide! If you don’t you’ll end up up there thinking, ‘I should have listened to that handsome, well-spoken man downstairs.’ You’ll be beating yourself for not buying the Audio Guide. And I don’t need that on my conscience.
–Empire State Building
Overheard by: George Carstocea
Daily News hawker: Sign up here for your free subscription to the Daily News! [Muttering] We’ll screw you later.
–Outside Shea Stadium
Overheard by: Mrs. Met
Guy selling comedy show tickets: Come on, have a ticket. If you don’t I’ll stalk you on your MySpace page!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Punkgrrl
Top of the Rock promoter guy: Yeah, it’s supposed to be, like, the best view or whatever of, uh, I don’t know… [Calls to fellow promoter] Yo, man, you ever been up there?
–Rockefeller Center
Flyer dude: See the naked cowboy on stage! Sucking cock!
–46th & Broadway
Overheard by: Ashley
Guy selling newspapers: New York Post here! Daily News here! [He’s ignored.] New York Post here! Daily News! [Still ignored.] George Bush wins the lottery! [Still ignored.]
–33rd & 7th
Comedy club promoter: People, you gotta come tonight, because if you don’t my boss is gonna kill me! I work for the mafia!
–Times Square
Ghetto fab bus driver : Hello and good morning. Welcome to the Bolt Bus, my name is Jacques and I'm going to be your operator today. We do appreciate your business. Well, I appreciate your business. For my nails. Getting my hair done. Yeah.
–BoltBus
Overheard by: Julie and Mark The Snob
Bus driver (as bus leaves Lexington stop): The stop after this stop will be the next stop.
(as bus turns into Central Park) Ladies and gentlemen, the next stop will be Central Park West. Please have your passports ready.
–Crosstown Bus
Bus driver over intercom (as bus passes Unisphere): Oh, everyone's from New York? Then y'all already know this spot! I can't tell you nothing! Bye.
–Shuttle Bus, Flushing Meadows Park
Conductor: Good morning! This is the bus dispatcher. It's a sunny 78 degrees on a beautiful Wednesday! I'm happy to report the bus lanes inbound to New York are slicing through traffic like a hot knife through butter! Enjoy your day, control center, out.
–NJ Transit Bus
Overheard by: Jerzey…CloseEnough
Conductor: Alright folks, remember to keep cool today and drink plenty of water. I recommend ya'll eat some Honey Nut Cheerios. Honey Nut Cheerios will make ya'll nicer to each other. Stay away from that bacon and eggs. Too hot. Yes, Honey Nut Cheerios. Have a nice day.
–B61 Bus
Overheard by: should have eaten breakfast
Male 30-something lawyer: I'm looking forward to this weekend. Me and my girlfriend are going camping.
Male 50-something lawyer: The only thing I have left to look forward to is a quick, painless death.
Male 30-something lawyer: Have you ever been camping?
–Livingston St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Big Larry
Brit lady, to MTA booth lady: Two adults, please. We’ll be getting off around 58th Street.
–14th St F station
Overheard by: Fidget
Tourist: Excuse me, does the F train stop here?
–Subway sandwiches, Houston & Lafayette
Tourist woman, loudly: Jeany? How many stops are we going on this train?
–Times Square shuttle
Overheard by: nevermind
Tourist: Excuse me, which way is it to Upper Town?
–Broadway & Worth
Overheard by: dukes
Tourist: Is this now the Grand Canyon of the East Coast?
–Ground Zero
Tourist: My plane doesn’t leave for 4 hours. Can I walk to the Statue of Liberty from here?
–La Guardia Airport
Overheard by: Jose Hernandez
Tourist, leading a group of more than a dozen fellow tourists: Okay, I… um…don’t know where we are now…Oh, wait! Yes I do! We’re at the South Street Seaport!
–Union Square
Blonde: Look, there’s the Chrysler. Look, there’s Times Square. Where’s the Empire State Building?
–Top of Empire State Building
Overheard by: englishman in new york
Tourist, to deck hand: I can’t see the Statue of Liberty. Would you please move the lifeboat out of the way while I take a picture?
–Staten Island Ferry
Overheard by: Steven Lowell
Suit #1: I was so jet-lagged when I got back from vacation this summer.
Suit #2: Oh, man, I hate when that happens. Where did you go?
Suit #1: We took the kids down to Florida for a few weeks.
Suit #2: Yeah, that’s a long-ass way away. What’s the time zone difference there?
Suit #1: I’m pretty sure it’s, like, seven hours.
Suit #2: That makes sense. It’s like, almost in Mexico, right?
Suit #1: No, idiot. Florida’s the other way!
Suit #2: Really? My bad.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Mike N
