Corporate guy, looking at flowers for sale: Are these roses?
Flower vendor: No, they're fucking tulips! Get with the program!
–East Village
Corporate guy, looking at flowers for sale: Are these roses?
Flower vendor: No, they're fucking tulips! Get with the program!
–East Village
Scruffy guy: I never understood that.
Taller friend: What? The dogs?
Scruffy guy: No, the fisting.
Taller guy: Oh. Well, I'm sure it stretches. There are two of them.
Scruffy guy: True.
–Barnes & Noble, Union Square
Girl: Did you use a condom?
Boy: Nope.
Girl: You’re going to get an STD!
Boy: No, I'm not. It's okay.
Girl: That's what you said last time!
–Union Square
Guy at bar: I’m sorry if I’m being an asshole.
Gay bartender: Oh, don’t worry -I deal with assholes all the time.
–Montien, 12th & 3rd
College girl #1: So I think I’ll just get the whole thing waxed, so that the next time I go, it just won’t hurt that much.
College girl #2: I don’t get it.
College girl #1: Like, I’ll be hairy the first time, so it will hurt, and then when I go back, I’ll be like: “Oh, that wasn’t as painful as the first time.”
College girl #2: Shit, shut up! You’re so loud! Now that guy knows you have a hairy vagina.
–Union Square Train Station
Overheard by: the trainman
Girl: I think there’s a pretty good seafood restaurant around here. What kind of fish do you like?
Boyfriend: I really like goldfish.
–E14th & 3rd
Overheard by: one order of koi, please
Hobo with two jars in front of him: Food or drugs! Choose whether you’d like to sponsor my evening shot or dinner!
–Central Park
Homeless man: Hey, bindi-a, lookin’ good today! (Indian girl ignores his comment, begins to walk away). Fine! When you get mugged, I’m not helping you!
–Washington Square Park
Enterprising lady hobo: You could use your credit card to get cash, and give me the cash.
–Outside Dunkin’ Donuts, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Rich Mintz
Panhandling hobo: Spare some change for a large bottle of water and a nice Chef salad? Spare some change for bottled water and salad?
–Broadway & 10th St
Hobo: Hey lemme borrow those red Converse! I’ve got a hot date with Monica Lewinsky tonight!
–14th & 6th
Hobo to another: "You’re gonna turn me into a waffle?" That’s what she told me, you said! A waffle? Oh no, I don’t think so!
–23rd b/w 6th & 7th
Overheard by: sara
Crazy hobo: Watch out for traffic and knuckleheads! Beware! (points at random pedestrian) Him! He’s a knucklehead! Don’t trust him!
–5th Ave & 49th St
Hipster chick: It costs like $280 to go blonde, which seems expensive but it’s totally worth it because then you’re blonde.
–Hop Scotch
Overheard by: bildita
Hipster: My brother entitled all of his college essays "Heeeey Essaaaaay!"
–Smith Street & President
Overheard by: Michelle C.
(drunk or ill hipster guy lying on stairs moans pitifully and vomits)
Hipster’s friend, looking away and pretending not to know him: Ha! Fag!
–7th Ave
Young hipster: Let’s face it, at some point I’m gonna be homeless.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Conti
Hipster girl: Pickles are so in right now.
–Renegade Arts Festival, Williamsburg
White queer to friend: So I was sitting there at the restaurant with my parents and looked to my left, and who was there? LL Cool J! Ooooh, girl, he is fine. I was all: "Hey, LL, you can park your big Underground Railroad right in my behind!"
–UES
Hipster: You can’t really enjoy Evel Knievel in the traditional sense.
–St. Mark’s Place
Nine-year old boy to another: Ooh, Indiana Jones! Look, Shia LaBeouf! I used to go out with him.
–St. Mark’s Place
Overheard by: learned something new about Shia LeBeouf
Proud teen: I had my picture taken with Dennis Rodman’s sister.
–Houston & West Broadway
Worried hipster: And I think Judge Judy would just say that I don’t have a leg to stand on.
–W 19th St
Bus driver: I know what it’s like to miss a flight. You have to ride a Greyhound bus and sit next to a fat guy who eats Cheez-Its and talks about Scott Baio way too much.
–NYAS Shuttle, JFK
Overheard by: innocent bus rider
Young male professional: So your dad’s cool with you not eating?
Young female professional: Yeah, he’s totally fine with it. He’s gonna start next week too.
–Union Square
