Wednesday One-Liners' Cups Runneth Over

Thug on phone: Yo, man, you know that bitch I rent my room from? Those titties are triple F or some shit, man! (pause) How do I know that? Cause I looked through her drawers, that's how! (pause) Cause whenever I talk to that bitch, those things are in my face! I had to find out!

–17th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: redshikari

Dude: I have barometric boobies!

–Jujutsu Class, 13th & 7th

Overheard by: Ladle

Dude to friend: Dude, sometimes you just have to say no to boobs.

–St. Mark's Chipotle

College student: Those tits in that shirt look awful… I wanna see cleavage, not leverage.

–Columbia University

Suit on cell: You should get paid more because of how big your boobs are!

–74th & 3rd

Overheard by: Joanna L.

Posted on August 13, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Classroom, Clothing, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Friends, Guys, Jobs & Careers, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Nipples, On Cell, Physical appearance, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Sexuality, Students, Suits, Thugs, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Weirdness, West Village, Words

The Wednesday Bone's Connected to the One-Liner Bone…

20-something girl: I don't let people with toes like that into my bed!

–Bleecker & Broadway

Overheard by: insizlane

Old man on cell: Just tell her to go to Duane Reade and get that shit that puts your urethra to sleep.

–East Village

Overheard by: doctors are so jaded

Woman: My son has a perfect head, it's not flat on no sides.

–44 Bus, Staten Island

(man comes over and pushes down everyone's safety bar)
Woman: My uterus just came out of my vagina.

–Coney Island Cyclone

Guy on cell: …and it's just not Sunday unless you've had your finger in someone.

–Houston & Macdougal

Overheard by: Lish

Posted on August 13, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Coney Island, Girls, Hand-Jobs, Health and Hygiene, Medicine, Men, Old People, On Cell, On the Bus, Physical appearance, Sexuality, Staten Island, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Weirdness, Women

And Watch Pop-Up Videos

Homeless druggie chick: I'm waaay smarter than you!
Homeless druggie dude: No way, I'm crazy smart and shit.
Homeless druggie chick: Well, I know tons of shit that you don't, like that Manhattan is the only city in America that doesn't have a Main Street, and that mosquitoes have 47 teeth!
Homeless druggie dude (very impressed): Daaamn you are smart! How did you know that?!
Homeless druggie chick: I read Snapple caps, bitch!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Kiki

Posted on August 8, 2008
Always Bringing it Back to You!, Animals & Nature, Default, Druggies, Education, Girls, Global Geography, Guys, Homeless, Questions, Union Square and East Village

Nobody's More Prejudiced Than the Victims Of Prejudice

Young man #1: You know, I don't get it. Why am I being ostracized?
Young man #2: Those girls.
Young man #1: So what if I hang out with those girls! I like girls as… you know… friends. It's not like I'm straight or anything.
Young man #2: But, Jerry… You fucked all of them! You're not gay.
Young man #1: Just because I like to fuck girls doesn't make me straight, Okay? Geez!
Young man #2: Really? And all this time I thought that's exactly what it meant.
Young man #1: It just means I don't like assholes.
Young man #2: You're still not going with us to the drag show. Get over it.

–14th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Tara O'Sullivan

Posted on August 8, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Default, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Queer guys, Questions, Sex, Sexuality, Union Square and East Village

Mellow Yellow Wednesday One-Liners

Latina: I don't care what a guy says, I'm not gonna let him piss on me.

–Vesey Street & Broadway

Overheard by: Sam

Giggling four-year-old boy: Yeah, and there was a sign and it said, "Caution: someone peed here!"

–Waverly & W 11th

Bimbo: And he was like, "Sarah, you pissed the bed" and I was like, "Whaaaaat?" and he was like, "Sarah, get up, you pissed the fucking bed!"

–Theater District

Overheard by: Paul

Girl on cell: Alright, fine, but if you pee on me again, we're done!

–C Train

Overheard by: Laura

Guy, in disbelief: You mean you've never been pissed on before?!

–14th & Broadway

Overheard by: Josh

Girl: Would it be considered indecent exposure if I peed in the sink?

–Lyceum Theatre

Girl to friend: Her?! She totally splashes her urine.

–34th & 8th

Overheard by: Ellen

Posted on August 6, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bimbettes, Boys, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Friends, Girls, Guys, Kids, Kink, Latinos, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Pee, Questions, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness, West Village

When It's Dry and Ready, with Wednesday One-Liner I Shall Play

Professor: This episode contains a bunch of Jewish stereotypes, so I want to show a lot of it.

–Lincoln Center, Fordham University

Overheard by: Hartley

Boy with chinstrap and McDreamy quaff: Yo man, you tellin' me you never heard the story about when we got chased down by 1,000 Jews?!

–7-Eleven, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Brandi, Anna and a bunch of other people

Stunning black girl with big afro, to nebbishy guy eating Chinese food: I can be Jewish in three months. Does it require any money? No! Fuck you! I can be Jewish in three months!

–back garden at madame x

Overheard by: Erica

Woman walking past Young Frankenstein posters: Oh my god! Mel Brooks is like my favorite old Jew ever!! Well, except for Moses and Abraham.

–Hilton Theater

Overheard by: Roy

Hipster on cell: Your friend just came up to me, grabbed my nose, and asked, "Are you Jewish?"

–Piano's Lounge

Overheard by: Brittany Smith

Mysterious and intense voice amid grunts and groans: Oh yeah! Give it to me, you fucking Jewish dickhead!

–Building, 46th & 10th

Overheard by: Not a Sexual AntiSemite

Posted on August 6, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Body Parts, Boys, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Education, Fordham, Girls, Hipsters, Insults, Judaism, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Movies, Nazis, On Cell, Questions, Teachers/Professors, Time, TV, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Wednesday One-Liners Are the Stuff of Myth

Really pissed mom: And do you know what size unicorn they tried on her first? Medium.

–Macy's

Cafe employee, about pastries: Those look like fairy testicles.

–HopScotch Cafe

Overheard by: bildita

Guy yelling to passers-by: You're all materialistic, yuppie, vampire kings!

–W4th & Cornelia

Overheard by: greg

Man on cell: So Santa Claus will be there?

–Broadway & Wall St

Woman: When she was a newborn she looked exactly like Yoda, and then she grew up into Dopey.

–Penn Plaza

Five-year-old boy looking out of window: Ahh! I hate the sun! Vampires hate the sun!

–Q Train

Overheard by: LoRna

Posted on August 6, 2008
9 to 5-ers, All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Balls, Boys, Compare/Contrast, Holidays, Insults, Kids, Magic, Men, Moms, Movies, On Cell, On the Subway, Penn Station, Physical appearance, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Strangers, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Women

Around the World in Wednesday One-Liners

Dude: Mount Olympus is just, like, one giant trailer park.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Jessica

Guy: People in Vietnam are different than us.

–Park & 24th

Overheard by: Sabrina

Girl to friend: Say something in British, or wherever you're from… Switzerland!

–8th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Larry

Supposedly well-traveled woman: But you know where I want to go next? Buenos Aires! They haven't changed to the Euro yet.

–3rd & B

Hipster: I'm going to punch Uzbekistan.

–West 42nd St

Hipster girl to boyfriend: People like you, you're the reason people die in Mexico!

–18th & 1st

Overheard by: Jessica

Posted on August 6, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Central Park, Compare/Contrast, Death, Friends, Girlfriends, Girls, Global Geography, Guys, Hipsters, History & Geography, Languages, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, Stupidity, The Village, Travel, Union Square and East Village, Wishes & desires, Women

For Me, but Not for My Doppelgänger

Girl: That club is the worst thing to happen to this neighborhood.
Guy: Why? Have you been there?
Girl: No, but I live in this neighborhood. I know what it's about.
Guy: Wait… You live in Brooklyn.
Girl: Yeah, because this neighborhood is too fucking expensive.

–1st Ave &1 St, East Village

Posted on August 5, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Default, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Money & Class, NYC Geography, Union Square and East Village

Anyone Else Find the Name “Cosmo” to Be the Most Disturbing Part of This Quote?

(a little black boy is skipping away from his group)
Middle aged black lady: Yeah, you skip Cosmo!
Nerdy 13-year-old white boy: Yeah, skip to your own fuckin' loo, motherfucker!

–6th St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: Christiana Little

Posted on August 1, 2008
Black People, Boys, Default, Insults, Kids, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness, White People, Women

Union Square and East Village