Please Pick Up After Your Wednesday One-Liners

Crazy guy with black Labrador (angrily): Why didn't you say anything? I thought you were my friend.

–3rd & Sullivan

Overheard by: Sizzle

Middle aged Rastafari to Labrador: This isn't a chew toy, motherfucker!

–Central Park West

Overheard by: Sarah

Man to small puppy: You're so round and furry, aren't you Oscar? You're like a Mexican!

–Fordham Road

Old lady with tiny dog: Sparky, I really don't want to be in here.

–PETCO, Union Square

Overheard by: Ave

Woman to dog: Oh, rolling onto your back again, are you? Just like the slutty girl at prom…

–Extra Virgin Restaurant, The Village

Overheard by: wink

(crazy hobo walks up to little girl's dog and picks it up)
Crazy homeless man (shouting in the dog's face): I would name you snowball, but you're brown!

–Tompkins Square Park

Posted on September 3, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Central Park, Colors, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Friendship, Guys, Hobos, Insults, Man's Best Friend, Men, Museum of Natural History, Nicknames & name calling, Old People, Questions, Race, Restaurants & Cafes, Store, The Bronx, The Village, Union Square and East Village, We Love Our Pets, Women

A Gaggle Of Wednesday One-Liners

Guy on cell: I mean, it was bigger than a horse. But it had four humps.

–14th & 2nd

Overheard by: LIZ

Drunk man: A plastic sheep or a real sheep… When it comes down to it… is there really any difference?

–Biddy Early's Pub

Chick on cell: It's better than riding a golden yak!

–Morningside Heights

Overheard by: Ursula & Winifred

Man to friend: Did I mean "wombats"? Of course I meant fucking wombats!

–3 Train

Blonde: What is a mongoose and where can I get one?

–Times Square

Guy on cell (fumbling with a pack of Marlboros): Well, for one, it’s been ten days since the baby snakes have eaten.

–92nd St & Broadway

Overheard by: The Mad Man

Middle-aged white guy: …so we told the children they couldn't go to the petting zoo, to see how they would react. (pause) It was interesting on a psychological level.

–Outside of Butler Library, Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

Posted on August 27, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Babies, Bars & Clubs, Body Parts, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Drunks, Friends, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Library, Men, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Psychology, Questions, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, White People, Words

Remember When Wednesday One-Liner Were Black?

South African man to friend: Listen to what I just found out the other day… my friend's family owned Michael Jackson's family!

–NYU

Guy to friend (about a Halloween party): Dude, it's a totally corporate made-up holiday, but yeah, I'll dress up as Michael Jackson.

–Duane Reade, Union Square

Overheard by: Traczie

Professor: It's not as simple as black and white anymore. I mean, what color is Tiger Woods? What color is Barack Obama? What color is Michael Jackson?

–History of American Women Class, Pace University

Crazy hobo: This is the 2 Express Train! (a few minutes later) Goddammit, I been waiting two hours for the train! Now I gonna be too late for my lunch with Michael Jackson!

–66th Street Subway Platform

Overheard by: Seth

Little kid to another: You sicken everyone! Even Michael Jackson!

–161st St & 3rd Ave, The Bronx

Overheard by: li'l squeaker

Posted on August 27, 2008
About Celebrities, Africans, All Wednesday One-Liners, Classroom, Clothing, Crazies, Duane Reade, Friends, Guys, History & Geography, Hobos, Holidays, Insults, Kids, NYU, President, Public Transportation, Questions, Race, Sports, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Teachers/Professors, The Bronx, Union Square and East Village

There Are So Few of Us in the City

Girl on cell: I am trashed… Well, actually, I'm drunk.
Passer-by: Hey, me too!

–6th St & Avenue B

Posted on August 24, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Default, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Girls, On Cell, Strangers, Union Square and East Village

If Only Because We'll Never Have to Hear Gilbert Gottfried Again

Six-year-old boy: Words, words, words, words! One day, there will be no words.
Seven-year-old sister: That will be a beautiful day.

–2nd Ave & 7th St

Overheard by: shmarls

Posted on August 23, 2008
Boys, Brothers, Default, Girls, Kids, Philosophy, Union Square and East Village, Words

…That Anybody Takes Charades Seriously

Girl #1: I don't know where he met her. All I know is that she can't play charades for shit and she's half Greek.
Girl #2: What do you mean she cant play charades? And I thought she was from Argentina.
Girl #1: Whatever. The point is, I take charades really seriously. How the hell do you act out The Cosby Show? Who comes up with that?
Girl #2: Wow. That's amazing.

–5th St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Aria Grillo

Posted on August 21, 2008
Default, Girls, Global Geography, Questions, TV, Union Square and East Village

You Have Weird Education in the U.S.

French girl #1: My friend cannot eat pineapple, because the last time he did, he got this -what do you call it- in his mouth…
American guy: Herpes!
French girl #2: Uh… I don't know if that is the word.
French girl #1: Yea, he ate it and had these little spots…
American guy: Herpes! I have herpes all the time, too.
French girl #2: Maybe it is the same word in English.
(later)
French girl #1: Well he has this small problem near his eye…
American guy: An eye tumor?
French girl #1: Yes, like a little, uh, tumor.
American guy: Man, you guys have weird diseases in France.

–Whole Foods, Union Square

Overheard by: AJ

Posted on August 15, 2008
Cancer, Default, Foreigners, Fruit, Girls, Global Geography, Guys, Illness, Union Square and East Village, Whole Foods, Words

Purple Means “Hungry” in Hipster Code

Blue-haired hipster: Dude, could you spare some change? I just need a dollar to get somethin' off the dollar menu at McDonald's.
Yuppie: Dude, fuck you! You're not hungry! If you were hungry you wouldn't be dying your hair blue.

–St. Marks & 3rd

Posted on August 15, 2008
Colors, Compare/Contrast, Default, Hair, Hipsters, Junk Food & Fast Food, Money & Class, Offers and requests, Panhandling, Questions, Union Square and East Village, Yuppies

The Seldom-Sung Prelude to “I Feel Pretty”

Black guy to Jewish guy: Hey man, you look pretty Jewish.
Jewish guy: Yeah, I know. You look pretty black.

–St. Mark's Place

Posted on August 14, 2008
Black People, Default, Guys, Jews, Judaism, Physical appearance, Race, Union Square and East Village

Pondered the Existential Dilemma That Is the Fax Machine

Stoner guy: And then I realized that we are the reality of reality, get it?
Slightly less stoner looking girl: Wow. Okay. What else did you do your first day at work?

–St. Marks Place

Overheard by: Garuda

Posted on August 14, 2008
Default, Girls, Guys, Jobs & Careers, Philosophy, Questions, Stoners, Straight Trippin', Union Square and East Village

Union Square and East Village