Girlfriend: But why did he buy two Mexican wrestling masks?
Boyfriend: I mean, probably to wear during sex.
Girlfriend: Ew, really?
Boyfriend: Well, yeah. Or to wear while beating off.
Girlfriend: Ew. Like, while looking in the mirror?
Boyfriend: No.
–6th St & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: aclare
Drunk guy, matter-of-factly: Everyone comes in here and thinks they're smelling pot, when really they're just smelling Italians.
–Hammerstein Ballroom Men's Room
Young girl on cell: Well, I mean, I have eaten macaroni. Does that count as Italian?
–Grand Central
Overheard by: Kayla Monetta
Man on cell: And this guy smelled like shit! (pause) Yeah, I told him, "you smell like Italian."
–E 10th & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: molina1230
Loud bridesmaid at Guido wedding: I'm Sicilian from the waist up, American from the waist down.
–Brooklyn Botanic Garden
College guy to friend: From the minute they got here, they started eating. Italian feasts are pornography. Italian food is illicit sex to the puritans. Everything the puritans eat is bland and brown.
–Brooklyn College
Middle-aged, pot-bellied guy with a long pony-tail, stopping young woman on the street: Excuse me, but I just want to say, once you've had Italian food, you're not hungry for anything else. I just ate a calzone and now I'm going to go home and just go to sleep!
–8th St & Broadway
Overheard by: Not hungry either
Super thin model/actress on cell: Urrgghhh!!! Jonathan left me again [pause] I can’t believe it. [pause] For being too anorexic! Yeah, I thought being anorexic would be hot but apparently I’m now too anorexic.
–Union Square
Overheard by: benji
Neighborhood drunk: (unintelligible)
Guy: I do! I get all my toilet paper at the 99 cent store.
Neighborhood drunk: Then you're one step ahead of the game.
–5th St & 1st Ave
Overheard by: wza
Girl #1: You could put yourself on a wait list.
Girl #2: Do you think I need to?
Girl #1: [Pause] W-A-I-T ‘wait,’ not ‘weight.’
Girl #2: Oh.
Girl #1: It’s bad to internalize.
–11th St & 3rd Ave
Man, as a woman screams: Bitch, don’t touch me! My wife is pregnant!
–Union Square
Overheard by: Jay
Bachelor: I’m going to find out where all the hookers are, and I’m going to buy that.
–2nd Ave & 5th St.
Flamboyantly gay guy to gay friends: Why do I have to be the queen? Why can’t I just be regular?!
–Christopher Street
Overheard by: JMcheer
Queer to another: I just want to bury my face in his ass!
–67th & Park Ave
Gay guy on cell: Oooh! I love playing straight!
–1st Ave, East Village
Overheard by: B
Stressed gay worker: They always skip over my lunch break. Everyone else gets their lunch breaks but they always skip over mine. Ugh. Guys, I’m gonna take my 15 minutes. I’m taking my 15 minutes. I close tonight… Ugh, this is not the road to success! (storms off)
–H&M Store
Overheard by: nyu kid
Queer to boyfriend: You know Romy and Michelle? I love that movie… That movie made me gay.
–Restaurant, 19th & 8th
Overheard by: batou187
Queer on cell: I know… I know! Gosh, that is sooo gay!
(bewildered elderly lady looks at him)
Queer to elderly lady (in shrieking voice): Oh my god, oh my god, the faggot said gay!
–Central Park
Girl #1: I’m funny.
Girl #2: No you’re not.
Girl #1: Yes I am. Everyone says I’m hilarious.
Girl #2: Of course they do. That’s because you aren’t pretty.
–Virgin, Union Square
Overheard by: djlindee
Woman: Excuse me, can you tell me something? Do I have a hickey on my neck? I have to go to a lunch and I just want to know if I have a hickey on my neck.
–SoHo
Overheard by: kim
Guy on cell: He shoved his hand in so many crevices that they looked like flippers.
–2nd Ave & Houston
Overheard by: gypsee
Drunk girl: If Bethany doesn't have legs, nobody has legs.
–1 Train
Overheard by: oliviz
Strange woman, seeing another woman massaging pressure points on friend's ear: She has a headache? It starts in the scrotum.
–M14D Bus
Man, missing stop: This is the problem with having a prostate that's bigger than your brain…you always forget to get off.
–Downtown 1 Train
Overheard by: rachel
Girl: She slept with Harry, and she didn't know he only had one hand, and afterward she still didn't know he only had one hand.
–Brother Jimmy's Restaurant
Overheard by: Joe
