Chick: So “scatological”; that’s like, what? Like from “scattered”?
Guy: No, you know, it’s like in “scat porn”.
–China Fun, 64th & 2nd
Chick: So “scatological”; that’s like, what? Like from “scattered”?
Guy: No, you know, it’s like in “scat porn”.
–China Fun, 64th & 2nd
Elderly janitor, watching pierced teenagers get in line: I'm gonna fart on one of these people.
–Broadway & Houston
Angry man on cell: They think they're so perfect, but I bet they piss and burp and fart like the rest of us.
–80th St & 34th Ave
Hobo: Can you spare some change? I need to buy some new underwear, I farted and shat in these.
–83rd St & Broadway
Overheard by: new girl in town
Tiny brunette: Have you ever had to pee so bad, and suddenly you fart and then you don't have to pee that badly anymore?
–7 Train
Young woman to friend: Yeah, and then she started fartin' a bunch. But she was farting out of her pussy. And Ashley got pissed, cause then, she started makin' a beat out of it.
–125th St & Lexington
Overheard by: Stephen
Woman with nasal voice: I just really need to get out of here, I'd prefer to go someplace warm and interesting. But I don't know where it's warm and interesting.
Yuppie man: My boss–well, I guess I should say “my partner,” cause I made partner…but it sounds so (sexual voice) homosexual to say “my partner randy”…anyway, he just came back from Argentina and he loved it.
Woman with nasal voice: Oh! I just went to Argentina, actually. And then to Uruguay. We went to this little town, it was pretty much the Hamptons of South America.
–Barnes & Nobles, E 86th St
Hobo to another: Now the average American might not know about the economy and the depression. But they know about Budwieser. If they go to the bodega and there's no Budweiser, they know there's a problem.
–53rd Street E Station
Overheard by: SJG
Bald 30-something man: I believe in whiskey and little else.
–Lorimer & Union
Girl walking down the street: You took methamphetamines, I'm getting a Diet Coke!
–2nd Ave & 11th St
Overheard by: dazed and confused
Elated girl: This beer is really helping my canker sore.
–93rd & 2nd
Overheard by: brian w
Guy at bar: If the New York Public Library served Scotch, I would go there.
–Karl's Klipper, St George, Staten Island
Overheard by: Johnny Drongo
Train conductor: Next stop, Moshulo Parkway…and can someone get me a fucking soda! I'm in car 3! I need a damn soda!
–4 Train
Overheard by: B-Dizzle Yo
Brunette #1 to friend: I have like no idea what's going on in the world right now. I should start watching the news.
Brunette #2: Well, I heard that Italy is becoming less popular. You know, like on the Richter scale.
–78th St & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Teresa
Scaffolding: [loud boom]Girl: Holy shit.
Construction worker #1: Hey, it’s OK, don’t worry.
Construction worker #2: Yeah, we have insurance!
–81st & 2nd
Overheard by: another girl about to walk under the death tr
Nine-year-old boy: Sometimes I just think I am a robot. I mean, aren't I a robot?
–E 17th & Broadway
Overheard by: definitely human
Tall guy: Yeah, you have to learn not to trust those shifty-eyed robots.
–Union Square
Hipster: And, like, he wasn't even gay… he was just not human.
–88th & Park
Comic book guy: No, not Optimus Prime. But yes, I have had sexual thoughts… about robots.
–40th & 7th
Cute chick: You don't need a sex robot to have sex with a robot.
–Old Town Bar
Overheard by: Lieut. Liplock
Woman #1: Paris was disappointing. I went there to see two things: the Eiffel tower and the Mona Lisa. I didn't get to go to the top of the Eiffel Tower, there were too many smelly tourists in the elevator. And the Mona Lisa was the size of a postcard.
Woman #2: Oh, you didn't go to the Leaning Tower of Pisa?
Woman #1: Ummm…that's in Italy.
–Starbucks, 66th & 3rd
Overheard by: Sofia Dante
Wasted guy: Hi.
Cute girl: Hi.
Wasted guy: What are you doing? You look hot bending over like that.
Girl: Um, well, I'm looking for my jacket.
Wasted guy: Huh! I have a better idea. (slight pause) Why don't you come home with me and sit on my face?
(long, long, shocked pause)
Girl: You know what… you find my jacket, and then we'll talk about it.
–Tin Lizzie, Upper East Side
Overheard by: tinajane
Guy #1: Man, what’s wrong with your eye? It’s all red.
Guy #2: Nah, man, I’m just tired, that’s all.
Guy #1: You’re tired in one eye?
–116th & Lexington
Overheard by: Sam J. Miller
