Southern high school teacher to tour group: … Because you are going to be either mugged, raped, or murdered. That is what I’m thinking is going to happen to me on these crazy New York City streets, so be alert.
Student: My parents paid for this trip?
–Outside Hampton Inn, 51st & 8th
Overheard by: jco
Girl on phone: Oh my god, mom! Aren't you so excited about these new reforms? I am so excited about these new reforms! Almost as excited as I am about my new water bottle!
–Barnard College Campus
Black guy to two other guys: And then he disrespected me… So I threw a bottle of Snapple at his head.
–Central Park
Guy selling water in the street: Ice cold water! Ice cold water! One dollar. Only a dollar. It's only a dollar, assholes!
–Harlem
Guy speaking to someone else: Juice! It's moose, with a j, holla!
–Highline Ballroom
Overheard by: Pasha
Girl #1: Cause our school gets to have three day field trips, but my mom never lets me go cause she's afraid I'll get raped, robbed, killed, or something like that. It's so unfair!
Girl #2: You tell her, “mom! I'm grown up! Look at my breasts!”
–49th St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Potato
Joking clerk to bitter man holding wife’s purse: Nice purse.
Man: Thanks. It came free with the relationship and subsequent castration.
–Fashion Ave
Overheard by: I think it was Dior
Guy: This town is going to hell. Only 5 years ago, you could still get mugged right outside of this place. These days, what you have to worry about is not to get hit in the face with a Prada purse with a brick in it.
–The Apt, Meatpacking District
Overheard by: Alex Wipf
Girl #1: Where are all the violent toys?
Girl #2: Does he like trucks?
Girl #1: No, he’s violent. There’s no violent toys; this store is too good.
Girl #2: I’ll talk to the manager about that.
–West Side Kids, Amsterdam Avenue
Overheard by: kreg
Jungian: Let’s be honest: everyone knows he has the personality of an air conditioner.
–39th & Madison
Overheard by: Emily
Queer, looking at hordes of tourists: It’s times like this I wish I carried a taser.
–33rd St
Overheard by: jackattack
Ghetto girl: He smell like a sanitation truck. You know how when a sanitation truck drives by and it just smells nasty? Yeah, he like 8 trucks in a row!
–R train, 23rd St
Overheard by: Sue
Sarcastic hipster: Wow, that girl over there is a great artist. She did a fantastic job of drawing her eyebrows on her face.
–Brooklyn bound L train
College kid: Tourists are kinda like retards; I want to help, but I just never seem to.
–44th & 5th
Overheard by: David
Guy on headset: I don’t want no broke ass bitches. She couldn’t even rub two crackers together.
–Bleecker & Carmine
Ghetto waitress: Ugh. Table 9 has had so much work done on her face. Too bad she still look busted.
–Sarabeth’s East, 92nd & Madison
Overheard by: Dan
Guy: If I ever beat my kids during Christmas, this is the song I’d play.
–Ulysses, Pearl Street
Overheard by: Dennis Sugrue
Little kid: Grandma, I want a dollar.
Ghetto grandma: Nigga, we had to work to get money, sometimes we would get beat.
Little kid: Can I get my dollar now?
–The Bronx
Overheard by: Julio Pena
Suit #1: …so he’s got one hand on the car’s aerial, and with the other hand he’s punching a four inch by eight inch dent in the car, while running alongside. At this point it becomes destruction of property.
Suit #2: And that’s when the campus police got involved?
–52nd & 6th
Overheard by: Meredith
