Girl #1: Where are all the violent toys?
Girl #2: Does he like trucks?
Girl #1: No, he’s violent. There’s no violent toys; this store is too good.
Girl #2: I’ll talk to the manager about that.
–West Side Kids, Amsterdam Avenue
Overheard by: kreg
Girl #1: Where are all the violent toys?
Girl #2: Does he like trucks?
Girl #1: No, he’s violent. There’s no violent toys; this store is too good.
Girl #2: I’ll talk to the manager about that.
–West Side Kids, Amsterdam Avenue
Overheard by: kreg
Jungian: Let’s be honest: everyone knows he has the personality of an air conditioner.
–39th & Madison
Overheard by: Emily
Queer, looking at hordes of tourists: It’s times like this I wish I carried a taser.
–33rd St
Overheard by: jackattack
Ghetto girl: He smell like a sanitation truck. You know how when a sanitation truck drives by and it just smells nasty? Yeah, he like 8 trucks in a row!
–R train, 23rd St
Overheard by: Sue
Sarcastic hipster: Wow, that girl over there is a great artist. She did a fantastic job of drawing her eyebrows on her face.
–Brooklyn bound L train
College kid: Tourists are kinda like retards; I want to help, but I just never seem to.
–44th & 5th
Overheard by: David
Guy on headset: I don’t want no broke ass bitches. She couldn’t even rub two crackers together.
–Bleecker & Carmine
Ghetto waitress: Ugh. Table 9 has had so much work done on her face. Too bad she still look busted.
–Sarabeth’s East, 92nd & Madison
Overheard by: Dan
Guy: If I ever beat my kids during Christmas, this is the song I’d play.
–Ulysses, Pearl Street
Overheard by: Dennis Sugrue
Little kid: Grandma, I want a dollar.
Ghetto grandma: Nigga, we had to work to get money, sometimes we would get beat.
Little kid: Can I get my dollar now?
–The Bronx
Overheard by: Julio Pena
Suit #1: …so he’s got one hand on the car’s aerial, and with the other hand he’s punching a four inch by eight inch dent in the car, while running alongside. At this point it becomes destruction of property.
Suit #2: And that’s when the campus police got involved?
–52nd & 6th
Overheard by: Meredith
Conductor: Please stand clear of the closing doors. (pause) Please stand clear of the closing doors. (pause) Station police officer, please apprehend the man holding the doors in the 6th car. (pause, then doors close) Hahaha, that always works.
–B Train
Overheard by: JustMe
Conductor: The door in car number two is not working, if you are looking at this door not opening I recommend moving, youuuuuuuu might want to move.
–LIRR
Overheard by: Brian Broker
MTA engineer: Please use all exits. For the love of god, people, use all the doors to get out of the train. What the fuck, people, use the doors. Thank you.
–G Train
Overheard by: lolz
Conductor: Please stop holding the doors. (people continue to hold doors). I'm already on the clock, I have nowhere to be.
–A Train
Overheard by: oliviz
Disgruntled subway conductor: Listen up, y'all! This train needs to move! Do not try to hold open the doors! Do not run at closing doors! Do not stick anything in the doors! That includes arms, legs, obnoxiously expensive purses, children, animals, whatever! Let's go!
–1 Train
Overheard by: Sarah
Conductor: Please stand clear of the doors or it will bruise yo face.
–C Train
Overheard by: Chris
Slutty lesbian chick buying ice cream: So then she says “Scream! I'm going to keep spanking you until you scream!”
Slightly less slutty chick: So what did you do?
Slutty lesbian chick: Well, I wanted it to be hot, but when it came out it wasn't so much an “I'm getting spanked, and it's hot” scream as it was an “I'm shitty and it hurts” grunt.
–Grocery Store, The Bronx
Crazy woman: I’m still alive and breathing, thank you very much, despite the best efforts of the Devil.
–Food Court, Grand Central
Overheard by: Rich Mintz
Elder brother to younger brother: I love pussy juice.
Younger brother: True dat.
Elder brother: No, seriously, if I could I'd shoot that shit up.
–Brooklyn
Overheard by: Ziggy
A bike messenger almost plows through the crowd at a crosswalk.
Messenger: You gotta look! You gotta look!
Black Woman: Nigger, you look! You ain’t drivin’ no car!
–44th & Madison
