20-something dude to friend: I didn't mean to hit you with my Johnson.
Friend: Of course not.
–Brooklyn
Overheard by: pumpkin
NYU boy #1: Jeff Goldblum enslaved my parents.
NYU boy #2: Jeff Goldblum lay siege to my castle.
NYU girl #2: Jeff Goldblum killed my velociraptor.
–3rd Ave & 11th St
Overheard by: Bruce Lee
Man dressed in briefs, on Halloween, to policeman: I want you to arrest me! She didn't listen to me! I want you to arrest me right now!
–W 17th St
Overheard by: The Girl in Vintage Formal
Slightly buzzed 40-something man, in very loud hushed tone: I know your son is in jail! Isn't he?
–Mid-Manhattan Library
Man to another: They let him go because my daughter couldn't identify him. But now she got glasses.
–Ave B & 6th St
Overheard by: Miss V
Agitated man, yelling into cell: I don't love you. I hate you. I did ten years and got seven felonies for you.
–Brooklyn
Girl to another: So I wrote "we're being kidnapped' on a piece of paper and pressed it against the window.
–Famous Famiglia, 111th St & Broadway
Overheard by: Lucy
High school girl: That nigga just got *out* of jail. That reminds me, I need to go to Bushwick.
–Grand St & Bushwick Ave
Overheard by: rpk
Loud guy running out of building: I'm so mad I could do stuff! I'm so pissed I'm going to do some stuff to him! Aughhhh! I'm gonna do some stuff!
Passerby: Don't make him mad, he's crazy. He'll do… stuff.
–NYU Building, Washington Square
Overheard by: Bruce Lee
Lady to foreign friend: These 13 circles have the names of the original colonies from when Columbus landed in America.
–Conservatory Garden, 105th & 5th
Teenage girl to friend: But Trotsky was totally doing Lenin, you can't deny it.
–1 Train
Friend in elevator showing old photos from Rome: There's the Colosseum. You know. Where the lions and the Catholics had their thing.
–7th & 31st
Overheard by: Greg
Teenage boy to another: Y'know what I'd like to see? Teddy Roosevelt and Andrew Jackson in a cage fight.
–6th Ave & 54th St
Overheard by: Dale
Little boy, staring at ad where woman bites necklace off another woman: Ew! That's gross!
Mom: Let me know if you still feel that way in 10 years.
–D Train
Overheard by: Catherine
Woman #1, seated at bar in restaurant: My daughter told me she was going to finish med school, then her internship, and then her residency… but before going into practice she was going to take time off to “follow her dream.”
Woman #2, seated at bar: What's her dream?
Woman #1: To become a professional wrestler.
–Restaurant, West Village
Guy: So I was like, “Well, then I'm glad I gave you a black eye after I fucked you!”
Girl: Oh my gosh, are you Jewish?
–49th St & 9th Ave
Overheard by: Natalie
Male yuppie to female yuppie: So milfs are totally in right now.
–Starbucks
Overheard by: Lolita
20-something male yuppie, surrounded with Starbucks coffee containers and yelling at laptop: It took you six fucking minutes to get to the fucking page! Rawwwr! I'm going to rip you apart, you stupid fucking computer! Rawwr!
–Starbucks
Yuppie-hipster mom, to sobbing toddler: Yeah, I know, your life is just so tough.
–Metro-North
Overheard by: It's because those hemp diapers you make her wear chafe like hell.
Yuppie woman: This is like the Third World!
–8th St & Broadway
Overheard by: Sam Chalek
Boyfriend: 30 years from now I'm gonna slap the shit out of you.
Girlfriend: Why? 'cause I'll be 51?
Boyfriend: Yes. You'll be ugly!
–Grand Central Terminal
