Wednesday Gettin'-None Liners

Man screaming into phone: We've been having fun and fun and fun. The thing we ain't having is fucking sex!

–Greenpoint

Overheard by: LisaLisa

Psych prof: Now, I don't know anyone who's ever died from not having sex. Maybe they tried to get some and failed in some horrible way that led to their demise, but I don't know anyone who's actually died from not having sex. (later) If you go on a starvation diet, which I don't recommend, be sure to drink water because, uh, you will die.

–Barnard College

Overheard by: High Aspirations

Guy to friend: He's fucking 57 years old and he's still a fucking virgin.

–W Broadway & Thomas

Gay man to straight female friend: I haven't had sex in almost two years… I need to get a dog.

–G Train

Overheard by: Sunny

Posted on August 15, 2014
Advice, Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Death, Diet/Weight, Drinks, Fag Hags, Friends, Guys, Insults, Man's Best Friend, Men, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Queer guys, Sex, Teachers/Professors, Time, Virginity, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners

Take, Eat, This is My Body

Girl #1: My friend Chandra thinks she’s still a virgin because she’s only had anal sex.
Girl #2: How do you know this girl?
Girl #1: She goes to my church.

–New York Public Library, 40th & 5th

Overheard by: Renee Rogers

Posted on July 27, 2014
Backdoor, Friends, Library, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Religion, Virginity

We're the Perfect Couple!

Drunk guy: You've had sex with a black man! That means you've definitely had sex with someone whose penis is bigger than mine!
Girlfriend: Yeah. Yeah, I have.
Drunk guy: Well, I've had sex with a virgin. Which means I've had sex with someone whose vag is tighter than yours. Ha.

–St. Marks Place

Posted on July 27, 2010
Compare/Contrast, Drunks, Girlfriends, Lower East Side, Penis, Race, Sex, Vagina, Virginity

AC/DC: Nuh-Uh!

White-haired lady #1: She's gay. Didn't you hear her say, “I can tell by the look on your face you're gay”?
Friends: What?
White-haired lady #1: You know, gay! AC/DC. She goes both ways. She's gay.
White-haired lady #2: No. (pause) She said “I can tell by the look on your face you're a virgin.”

–Broadway Show

Overheard by: drewbear

Posted on May 14, 2010
Body Parts, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Gossip, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Physical appearance, Theater, Virginity, Women

Suddenly, I'm Craving Fresh Eggs.

Girl #1: When I first got my period, my mom told me not to use tampons because then no man would ever consider me a virgin.
Girl #2: I haven't played Farmville in two days.
Girl #3: That's worse than the tampon thing!

–Pizzeria, Ave A

Posted on February 26, 2010
Advice, Alphabet City, Girls, Menstruation, Parents, Restaurants & Cafes, Stupidity, Video Games, Virginity

Wednesday One-Liners: Willing, but Unripe

Loud-mouthed girl to friends: She says, "I've had sex with over 100 men." And so I says, "girl! You fourteen!"

–R Train

Thirty-something black man to Catholic high school girls: So what's it take for a couple of black guys to get to play with y'all's skirts?

–Metro-North

Overheard by: kfkdjsdf

Father to infant daughter in stroller: Hey! Close your legs!

–SoHo

Professor: Your favorite teacher from high school turned out to be a pedophile? Seriously? Well was he a real pedophile, or just a hooking-up-with-teenage-students kind of pedophile?

–Fordham University

Overheard by: Jack Package

13-year-old girl on phone: So guess what… I lost my virginity last night… looks like you owe me a soda.

–H & M

Overheard by: Imani

Posted on September 30, 2009
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Body Parts, Dads, Drinks, Fordham, Friends, Hook Ups, Kids, Moms, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Pick-up Lines, Promiscuity, Questions, Race, Robbing the Cradle, School and studying, Sex, Soho, Store, Students, Teachers/Professors, Teens, Trains Not Subway, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Virginity, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Cherry Poppin' Daddies: You Have Done Nothing Wrong

Jewish senior girl #1: My grandpa died. His name was hymen!
Jewish senior girl #2, laughing: Your grandpa's name was hymen! (pause) Wait… my grandpa's name was hymen. My hymen died.
Jewish senior girl #1: (silence)
Jewish senior girl #2: I meant my grandpa.
Sophomore boy: I feel like I just sinned.

–Bx10 Bus

Overheard by: luckily yom kippur was coming up