Something Old, Something New, Something Borrowed, and Something Wednesday One-Liner

Woman on cell: Yeah, today's his wedding. I thought about driving seven hours through the snowstorm to go, but then I realized that it's his third wedding, he has two kids, and he's marrying some woman who's pregnant and married to someone else, so I decided to fuck that shit and stay in the city.

–6th Ave & Bleecker St

Overheard by: office peon

30-something guy on cell: Your dad told you, your brother told you, I told you… Not to get married.

–Upper West Side

Woman: We may or may not still be married. I mean, I signed the papers but I don't know if they were ever filed.

–Williamsburg

Overheard by: Confabulation Nation

Woman screaming at embarrassed guy: We have to figure this out! You can't be married to two women at once!

–Chambers & Broadway

Overheard by: Jack

Posted on October 13, 2010
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Cars and Driving, Family Ties, Guys, Insults, Marriage, On Cell, One-liners, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Street, The Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weather, Wednesday One-Liners, Williamsburg, Women

The Magic Eight Ball Of Our Century

Asian kid #1: If I get any lazier, I just might die.
Asian kid #2: Sometimes I'm too lazy to sleep.
Asian kid #3: How many calories does it take to sleep?
Asian kid #1: Ask your brain.
Asian kid #2: Ask google.

–Lafayette & Walker

Overheard by: Jesse G.

Posted on September 26, 2010
Asians, Death, Diet/Weight, Google, Kids, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

Wednesday One-Liners Mostly Just Stand Around

Security guard: Oh, man, thank god for anti-depressants and alcohol! Nothing like Jack Daniels to get you through the day.

–The Met

Building security guard to mailman: Don't you think tv saved the world? Say you've got 10, 12, 14, 16 kids . . .

–William & Beekman

NYU security guard to long line of kids: A'ight kids, e-z passes out. Put your IDs in the air and wave them like you just don't care!

–College of Arts and Science, Washington Square Park

Security man: No photos in Tim Burton! No pictures, no photos! Tell a friend, tell a neighbor, tell someone you don't like!

–Tim Burton Exhibit, MoMA

Security guard: Have a nice day… Now get the hell out of here.

–JFK Airport

Posted on September 22, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Clerks, College, Comebacks, Compare/Contrast, Drinking & Drunk People, Drugs, JFK Airport, Medicine, MoMA, One-liners, Parents, Pictures, Security Guards, Should've Used a Condom, Students, The Met, TV, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

…And I Am Now Unwelcome at This Gym Location.

Employee to girl leaving gym: How was your workout?
Girl: I just made that machine my bitch!

–Varick St

Posted on August 21, 2010
Clerks, Fitness, Girls, Questions, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

Wednesday One-Liners Are Next to a Building Near a Starbucks, Okay?

Girl on cell, looking up: I don't know, nigga! I'm standin' in fronna some ancient castle or some shit.

–Wall St & William St

Southern guy on cell: No, seriously, there's shade on the side of the streets here! (pause) No… No, I know. (pause) I'm sitting on a bench, outside, in the shade!

–Central Park

Locationally-challenged woman on cell: I'm on the street, kinda near Blockbuster?

–Blockbuster, Broadway & 9th

Girl on cell: I'm not sure where I am, everything is Asian.

–Bakery, Chinatown

Middle-aged woman on cell: We're in Soho, and he has a three-legged dog.

–Bowery & Spring

Overheard by: Kaze

Posted on August 18, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Central Park, Chinatown, Directions, Girls, Grocery Stores, Man's Best Friend, NYC Geography, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Physical appearance, Soho, Southerners, Store, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

…But I Was Going for Macy Grey.

Foreign guy to tall, skinny, black guy with dyed-blonde afro and goatee: You look just like Aretha Franklin. You look just like Aretha Franklin!
Afro guy: Thanks, man.

–Church & Reade

Posted on August 16, 2010
About Celebrities, Black People, Compare/Contrast, Foreigners, Music, Physical appearance, Skinny People, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

“Pretty Wednesday One-Liner, Walkin' Down the Street…”

Drunken skinny pretty girl: Why is she so mean? I mean I'm a skinny pretty girl. She should not be mean to me!

–Halloween Party, Tribeca

Drunken hobo to girl leaving Sephora: Let me tell ya how to look beautiful. Fill ya buckets with money. Bucketfulla money makes ya look beautiful.

–17th St

Overheard by: Lillian

Voice on loudspeaker: Last call for pretty man. Last call to board for pretty man.

–LaGuardia Airport

Overheard by: Jen

60-something woman to tenor, after La Traviata: Finally, an Alfredo who is good-looking!

–Stage Door, Metropolitan Opera

Hobo: I was voted best-looking bum by bum weekly 1996.

–45th & 3rd

Posted on August 4, 2010
Advice, Airports, All Wednesday One-Liners, Artists, Beauty, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Girls, Hobos, Homeless, LaGuardia Airport, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, One-liners, Parades & Festitivites, Physical appearance, Singing, Skinny People, Strangers, Stupidity, Theater, Union Square and East Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Can't Go under 50 MPH or They'll Explode

30-something guy to friend: It's just like I always say! The Germans should've bombed New York!

–8th St

Guy with rainbow bead necklace, about protesters of Scientology: Nobody gets the point across without explosions.

–Outside Richard Rodgers Theater

Overheard by: Unlucky at Lotto

Man at Yankee parade: C'mon guys! Did we give up when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?

–Broadway & Murray Street

Overheard by: Kat

Woman: The last time I blew up my nether regions.

–Imperial Theater, 57th

Posted on July 28, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Friends, Guys, History & Geography, Hitler/Nazis, Manhattan, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, One-liners, Parades & Festitivites, Religion, Sensory Experiences, Street, Stupidity, Theater, Violence, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, War, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Jesus, Art Is Long

Woman: Excuse me. What is the play's running time?
Man: Nine hours. And if you leave, Susan Sontag will rise from the dead and smack you down.

–Tribeca

Posted on July 26, 2010
Death, Men, Theater & Dance, Threats, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Women

White People Will Not Let Reggae Die

Woman #1, watching drunks sing Redemption Song: What do you think these guys do for a living?
Woman #2: Whatever it is, they're not happy about it.

–Broome St.

Overheard by: Emily B.

Posted on July 13, 2010
Drinking & Drunk People, Happiness, Jobs & Careers, Questions, Singing, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Women

Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport