Wednesday One-Liners Don't Have Room in Their Closets Anymore

Gay guy to friend: I woke up this morning with a condom hanging out my butt. Was that you?

–Madison Square Park

Gay 30-something: Ugh, Borat quotes are like the UGG boot of conversation.

–Broadway & Spring

Really gay guy to friend: You don't know about the Holy Trinity? It's Liza, Judy and Barbra!

–Fort Washington Ave. & 183rd St

Overheard by: RED

Flamboyant gay: My hair's too straight. I need to gay it up a bit.

–Bryant Park

Flamboyant guy: My life in New York has been more fabulous than I ever thought! I almost hit Elaine Stritch with a car this weekend!

–W 18th St

Overheard by: Dan Friedman

Posted on July 15, 2009
About Celebrities, Accidents, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Backdoor, Bryant Park, Cars and Driving, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Christianity, Compare/Contrast, Condoms, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Hair, Madison Square Garden, Movies, Parks, Queer guys, Questions, Sexuality, Shoes, Soho, Street, Stupidity, Washington Heights and Inwood, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

“Young Adult” Wednesday One-Liners

Father to son: No five-year-old should be asking for Chilean sea bass for dinner.

–Joralemon & Court

Dapper man on cell: You used to be able to pass for twenty… uh… eight.

–Chelsea

Overheard by: Chuckell

Middle aged woman clutching Twilight book, trying to exit bus while reading: God! These novels for 13-year-olds make me hot!

–B7 Bus

Overheard by: i know, i love it too…

Prissy woman on cell: I don't care if he's six years old, he doesn't have to throw a fucking temper tantrum every time he wakes up. I mean, get over yourself.

–Washington Square

Overheard by: Eric

Guy to friend: I'm thirty years old now. I'm over thirty. I don't know how to live. I'm an "adult" now. But I don't know how to live–without someone taking care of me.

–F Train

Overheard by: Jason B

Older woman to almost-dead father: Dad, the doctor told me I have a 45-year-old vagina!

–Manhattan Office

Posted on July 15, 2009
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Books & Writing, Brooklyn, Bus, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Dads, Ethnic Food, Friends, Guys, Horny, Insults, Kids, Medicine, Men, Offers and requests, Office, Old People, On Cell, On the Bus, On the Subway, Parents, Street, Vagina, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Meet the Guy Who Makes the Subway Doors Open

Crazy ranting black guy: My divinity is hot… my arrows can block the clouds. I wanna be the Imperial Leader for all time. My lizards will rule everyone. If y'all do what I say, things'll be fine.
Annoyed black lady, as he continues ranting: Whatever they gave him, it was too much. Oh my god! Why we gotta deal with this shit? Economic crisis and all, and still gotta deal with crazy people!
Crazy ranting black guy: Son, I open doors. Try to clap your heels three times and open doors like me–you can't do it! In prison, in the hood…
Annoyed black lady, now yelling: Why pick a train? Why not go to the hood like you say? Go to wherever you started that shit and deal. You need a therapist for real!

–A Train

Overheard by: Tigertail

Posted on July 14, 2009
Animals & Nature, Black People, Crazies, Crazy, Gripes, Guys, On the Subway, Prison, Psychology, Public Transportation, Questions, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

What If I'm Not Fresh?

Ginger boy to female friend: Next time we get drunk, can I fuck you in the armpit?
Female friend: That would be awkward.

–Juniper Valley Park

Posted on July 14, 2009
Body Parts, Boys, Drinking & Drunk People, Friends, Offers and requests, Parks, Queens, Sex, Weirdness

By the Time Chastity Got HIV, She'd Stepped It Up to a BMW

20-something preppy female on BlackBerry: What do you mean where was I last night?! Are you out of your damn mind? I took an Ambien and passed out at 9 pm! (pause) Yeah, you should be sorry, you asshole. I'll let you make it up to me with a new iPod for Christmas. (pause) No, the blue one! Ugh. I have to go back to work, but there better be an apology e-mail waiting at my desk.
Shocked coworker: Lindsey, you were dancing with me on tables until 4 am!
20-something preppy female on BlackBerry: Obvious! But I can't tell my boyfriend that. Then he will definitely know I hooked up with that gorgeous Australian.
Shocked coworker: Wow. That's impressive.
20-something preppy female on BlackBerry: Oh, please. That's nothing. Wait till the Monday inquisition, when I'll have to step it up to an iPhone!

–Starbucks

Posted on July 14, 2009
Apologies, Colors, Coworkers, Dancing, Gifts, Hook Ups, Insults, iPod, Lies, Medicine, Preppies, Starbucks, Weirdness

Another Thing Nobody Tells You About Childbirth

Girl #1: She smelled like vagina.
Girl #2: What?
Girl #3: No, she smelled like bloody vagina.

–Union Square

Posted on July 13, 2009
Blood & bleeding, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Sensory Experiences, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Weirdness

My Drywall Became a Wetwall

Teenage girl #1: So you Frenched a hole in your wall?
Teenage girl #2: Yes I did!

–14th St

Posted on July 13, 2009
K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Questions, Street, Teens, Weirdness

I Almost Enjoy Putting Up with Her Crap

Boy stumbling in: Yo, then I pulled out…and she shit on my foot.
Friend: Was she hot, though?
Boy: She was 200…180 pounds. Whatever…whatever floats your boat, am I right?

–Uptown 1 Train

Overheard by: CMAC ATTACK

Posted on July 12, 2009
Backdoor, Boys, Diet/Weight, Friends, On the Subway, Poop, Questions, Weirdness

Hey, You Never Know When a Stray-Dog Contest Will Erupt in New York

Guy, apropos of nothing: You know, if I were ever in one of those contests where there's a stray dog and two families and you have to figure out which family he loves the most, I would totally keep some Snausages in my pocket or something.
(long pause)
Chick he's with: You are a strange little man. A strange little man.

–Uptown Q Train

Overheard by: Ladle

Posted on July 11, 2009
Family Ties, Food, Girls, Guys, Man's Best Friend, On the Subway, Weirdness

Also How Joe Biden Tries to Make Friends

Old man to passing girl: Boo!
(girlfriend shrieks, old man lets out an evil, villain laugh. Girl and her boyfriend walk away quickly, boyfriend chuckling)
Old man, looking back at them as they walk away: Hahahaha! No, no wait! Wait, I'm sorry! I'm sorrryyy!

–77th St & Broadway

Posted on July 11, 2009
Apologies, Boyfriends, Crazies, Crazy, Fears, Girls, Laughter, Old People, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness

Weirdness