Manly boyfriend, excitedly: And then he pulled it down, and it was a monkey face! A monkey face, a monkey face, every time a monkey face!
Girlfriend: Wow! Oh my god, wow!
–9th & University
Overheard by: Kristina Lustig
Manly boyfriend, excitedly: And then he pulled it down, and it was a monkey face! A monkey face, a monkey face, every time a monkey face!
Girlfriend: Wow! Oh my god, wow!
–9th & University
Overheard by: Kristina Lustig
Jersey skank #1: And I had to go to this bar, Big Sleazy, all by myself!
Jersey skank #2: Big Sleazy all by yourself?
–55th St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Syddles
Drunk guy #1: God, I've missed the sweet taste of beer.
Drunk guy #2: Wait, what were drinking earlier today?
Drunk guy #1: Beer.
–Off the Wagon, MacDougal St
Captain, upon landing: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the United States of America.
Middle aged woman: Bleheeeeeeh! (vomits profusely for five minutes)
–JFK
Guy #1: I'm so tired. The monks kept me up all night.
Guy #2: What?
Guy #1: There are a bunch of Buddhist monks staying at my house.
Guy #2, laughing: What? Are you serious? Why are they there?
Guy #1: Because my mom is a political activist or something.
Guy #2: (laughs)
Guy #1: It's not even funny, it's just weird. I have all these Buddhist monks plotting a revolution in my living room!
–Stuyvesant High School
Ghetto girl #1: I hope he was wearing a condom on his tongue.
Ghetto girl #2: I don't think so.
–Ave L
Old guy on phone: All I've done is live in a bitchy bitchy bitchy world.
–LIRR
Overheard by: Danielle
Ghetto guy to another: A bitch in a wheelchair can still suck a dick!
–25th St & 6th Ave
Wife to husband: You do the thinkin', I'll do the bitchin'.
–84th & 2nd
Overheard by: Val
Male scrub nurse: Yeah, he's in that bitch right now. (female scrub nurse looks shocked, male scrub nurse wiggles fingers on both hands) Yeah, he's in there.
–Mount Sinai Hospital
Overheard by: and by
Thug to friend: Yeah my homegirl…she's a slutty bitch, but she's good people.
–Q Train
Dressed up overweight 20-something girl to another: We're in our 20s. We're like supposed to be slutty, right?
–Norman & Diamond
Overheard by: Guess I missed the memo 20-something girl
College girl to another: You gotta hit it and quit it, like a dude!
–W Broadway & 108th St
Overheard by: Tess
Janky fat woman: He never told me not to tramp!
–5th Ave
Overheard by: Rob
Loud thug with neck tattoos on cell: You know Stud is my son, dude. Stud just wanna hump on women all day.
–Deli, Myrtle Ave, Fort Greene
Overheard by: Myrtle & Carlton
Hipster chick to another: I was wasted! Then I saw him in daylight and said "Holy shit!"
–Havemeyer, Grand Street, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Miss Heather
Lawyerly woman to another: I told him that just because I want to fuck does not mean that we have to love each other.
–Foley Square
Overheard by: Julio
Random guy to cute girl: Good luck, honey. What you wake up with, you're stuck with.
–Jimmy Steiny's, Hyatt Street, Staten Island
Young man to friend: So, about your girlfriend…I think she and I should fuck.
–Union Square West & 16th St
Street hawker selling datebooks: Wanna cheat on your husband? Plan it out! Get a daily planner, write it in red!
–Herald Square
Overheard by: MPW
Hipster teen girl to friend: Dude, don't worry about it. Whenever I want guys to cheat on their girlfriends with me I always just take off my pants and start singing Afroman.
–Mulberry St
Chick to friends: Seriously, it's a full-on dating service for married people. (pause) Like, adulterers.
–Broadway & Avenue of the Americas
Overheard by: Chuckles
Guy to another: Have you been cheating a lot? Does she know you're gay?
–6 Train
Hobo: So would all unhappily married women please step forward? I know there are some unhappily married women out there, and I'm willing to satisfy your needs. (pause) I know you're out there!
–Times Square
Overheard by: John
Preppy girl to friend: Do you ever shower and shower and still not feel clean?
–Broadway b/w 112th & 113th
Overheard by: Ladle
Young thug to two women: Yo, you make me wanna take a shower.
–Penn Station
Large bald guy with shopping bag with laundry detergent in it: I got this bag at Foot Locker. Know what I am going to do with it? I am going to put laundry detergent in it. Isn't that a good idea?
–1 Train
Overheard by: Nathan
20-something guy to another: Dude, there's no way I'm tossing a salad unless I know–with absolute fucking certainty–its been freshly washed.
–Washington Square
Young woman on cell: And then he physically got in the shower with me…again!
–Spring St & Crosby St
