Are You Pre-op or Post-op, Wednesday One-Liners?

Pragmatic bouncer: Well, there weren’t enough women there, so we threw in a tranny…

–Broadway Caribou Coffee

Overheard by: jenny Lui

Man, to friend: So, he says to me "Oh, I have a sex-change operation scheduled for that day, so I can’t make it."

–46th, b/w 8th & 9th

Overheard by: christine

30-something woman with nose ring, on cell: She’s like a transvestite… And an ugly bird. She’s like a transvestite and an emu. [pause] It’s a really ugly bird.

–7th Ave

Overheard by: James from Jersey

Guy: So then I was like, suck my twat!

–21st & 6th

20-something girl: I had him as both a man and a woman.

–17th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Tater

Dude: It’s been ages since I had testicles!

–Grand Sichuan, St. Mark’s Place

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Posted on May 28, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Balls, Birds, Bouncers, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Gender issues, Girls, Guys, Insults, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Not New York, On Cell, Physical appearance, Restaurants & Cafes, Surgery, Trannies, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness, Women, Words

Cesar Millan: Jeez, I Don’t Know What to Do

Teen #1: Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
Teen #2: What the hell are you doing?
Teen #1: Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
Teen #2: Are you growling?
Teen #1, pointing at the postcards on the wall: Grrrrrrrrrrrrr!
Teen #2: What?
Teen #1: [Retrieves a Lichtenstein print of a dog with the caption “Grr”.] Grrrrrrrr! It started it! Grrrrrr!
Teen #1: I can’t go anywhere with you, can I?
Teen #2, shaking head: Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

–Gugenhiem Gift Shop

Overheard by: Hannah C.

Posted on May 27, 2008
Animals & Nature, Default, Etiquette, Museums, Questions, Store, Teens, Upper East Side, Weirdness, Words

Didn’t They Say to Direct All Questions to the Tour Guide?

Teen girl: If you cut off a guy’s penis, how long do you think it would take for him to bleed to death?
Teen boy: Uh…
Teen girl: Hypothetically, I mean.

–Natural History Museum

Posted on May 25, 2008
Blood & bleeding, Boys, Default, Girls, Murder, Museum of Natural History, Penis, Questions, Teens, Upper East Side, Weirdness

In the Drawer Next to Your Bed

Four-year-old to his mom: Do you have a penis?
Mom: No.
Four-year-old: Yes you do. I know you do. I saw it!

–Lombardi’s Pizza

Posted on May 25, 2008
Gender issues, Kids, Little Italy, Penis, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Weirdness

Like the Fingers on a Baseball Glove

Girl #1: That guy over there is so attractive… And he has a huge penis. I can tell from his fingers.
Girl #2: What?
Girl #1: Yeah, you can totally tell what a guy’s penis would look like based on their fingers. That’s how I knew it hurt when you lost your virginity before you even told me…I saw his fingers.

–1 Train

Posted on May 24, 2008
Beauty, Body Parts, Default, Friends, Girls, On the Subway, Penis, Physical appearance, Sexuality, Virginity, Weirdness

What Do They Do With the Other One?

Chick: Yeh, they take one of your boobs and turn it into your penis.
Gay guy: That’s sooo weird.

–61st & Broadway

Overheard by: Wish I heard more of this one

Posted on May 22, 2008
Default, Girls, Nipples, Penis, Queer guys, Surgery, Trannies, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness

Wednesday Doing-Liners

Socialite-in-training: So all I had in this stupid bar in Las Vegas is a vodka tonic and a whiff of cocaine and before I know it I’m making out with a guy that I distinctly remember saying "I don’t like you" to. Yeah… That happened a lot this summer…

–116th & Broadway

Yuppie: I’m in fucking Penn station, I don’t know if it’s fucking snowing outside. I hope six falls up my nose tonight.

–Penn Station

Student on cell: I mean, I could say there are people going into finance doing lines of coke on a Monday night and here I am, doing work.

–114th b/w Broadway & Amsterdam

Kid, walking out of middle school: Man, I could really use some cocaine!

–East Village

Model to friend about styling team: Yo, before I knew they were from California, I thought they were on coke…

–Crwon Heights

Overheard by: Cuttie

Yuppie to friend: No, seriously. He’s not a jerk at all. He’s a cokehead. You’ll love him.

–Essex & Rivington

Posted on May 21, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Cocaine, Compare/Contrast, Drinks, Friends, Jobs & Careers, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Kids, Lower East Side, On Cell, Penn Station, Rich people, Sexuality, Students, U.S. Geography, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weather, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Yuppies

And How Do Wednesday One-Liners Make You Feel?

Mother, to crying four-year-old trying to grasp her hand: If you don’t stop this behavior you are going to have to see a psychiatrist. [Child keeps at tantrum] This behavior is excessive and abnormal, and I don’t have the patience for it.

–Washington G Station

Stern bimbette: No. My fave dead therapist said that I need to make sure that I surround myself with people who are nice to waiters and their moms.

–Court Street & Joralemon, Brooklyn

NYU chick, calmly: So then I just had a teeny little breakdown!

–West 4th St

Woman on cell: So where are you? [pause] Is that "Therapy" the bar or therapy therapy?

–Manhattan Plaza Gym, 43rd St

Girl on cell: Don’t you think I’m a psycho? [pauses, laughs] Why not?

–Bedford and North 7th

20-something homo: Scientology is just like therapy except without the stigma of therapy.

–52nd & 9th

Overheard by: Trey Givens