Hipster girl #1: Did I tell you what I’m doing with my MRI prints?
Hipster girl #2: No!
Hipster girl #1: I’m making them into a purse!
–Driggs & N 10th, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Lauren
Hipster girl #1: Did I tell you what I’m doing with my MRI prints?
Hipster girl #2: No!
Hipster girl #1: I’m making them into a purse!
–Driggs & N 10th, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Lauren
Guy: I was watching a special where Maria Callas lost all her weight with a tapeworm.
Bimbette #1: Having a tapeworm is, like, my dream.
Bimbette #2: Oh, it’s easy to have a tapeworm.
–East Williamsburg
Overheard by: mike
Well dressed party-goer: No, like, I went to Princeton -we lied all the time.
–Williamsburg
Overheard by: Cuny Graduate
Dude on cell: Okay… Great. Yeah. But I gotta go. My mom’s calling. [Hangs up, shoves phone in pocket.]
–Wagner College, Staten Island
Overheard by: Squiggs
Woman on cell: I just don’t understand why he got so freaked out about it. I said "I love you" -big fucking deal. That doesn’t mean anything. I could have been lying. I was lying, for Christ’s sake.
–L Train
Crazy hobo: Hillary Clinton is a liar, she lies. We’ve been married for 28 years and she won’t admit to it. Liar. Afraid of integration, that’s Hillary.
–E Train
Overheard by: Liz Beaux
Suit on cell to his wife: Yeah… Yeah… Oh, honey, I have to go, this is it, the train’s here. Bye! [Clicks over to the other line.] Hey buddy! How’s it going!
–125th St. Subway platform
Overheard by: EthanK
Twentysomething player on cell, picking fresh hairs off him : I feel you, I feel you, I can’t meet up with you now, I have to go to Forest Hills to get my haircut.
–N Train
Overheard by: john
Guy on cell: Most people lie to get out of jury duty and here I am being honest about NAMBLA.
–73rd & 2nd
Overheard by: melissa
Frustrated stylist on computer: How do you spell "Google"?
–Dramatics Hair Salon
Hot Asian woman: She hasn't even posted her face on Facebook!
–88th & 2nd
Overheard by: Sam H.
Teen to friend: My mom still hasn't Facebooked me back about taking care of my dog.
–Bedford Ave
Overheard by: kayt
Sorority girl: Like…oh my god. We should write about ourselves on Juicy Campus and see what other people say.
–Classroom, NYU
Overheard by: Angela
Middle-aged janitor: You've got to try that internet! It has everything!
–MoMA
Overheard by: Cristina
A couple watched the fireworks.
Wife: Oh my god! They was so close! I got ashes in my hair! Ashes in my face! They were all over the fucking place!
Husband: Too bad they weren’t shootin’ off corned beef!
–Greenpoint
Overheard by: Gurnsonian the Lesser
Guy: The smell of fireworks always reminds me of fucking a dead hooker.
–McCarren Park, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Dan
Stewardess: To all US citizens aboard this flight, happy 4th of July. We would like to thank England for divorcing us several centuries ago and giving us our independence!
–JFK flight into Heathrow
Overheard by: Jeanne Fu
Girl #1: Are you able to go on your roof to watch the Macy’s fireworks?
Girl #2: I don’t even know if my building has a roof.
–Brooklyn Heights
Overheard by: Room 3
Girl on cell: How the hell am I supposed to know what time the fireworks start? Who do you think I am, America?
–Cobble Hill
Overheard by: Chris
Hipster girl: I hate it when obviously uncool people wear flannel.
–E Train
Overheard by: dru
Hipster girl: Shark Week is a week? It lasted like a month last year.
–N 6th St, Williamsburg
Frumpy hipster: No! Hipsters melt in the rain!
–McCarren Park Pool, Greenpoint
Hipster on cell: No, I've never heard of a nocturnal squirrel… Do you even… Wait, are you trying to tell me you're gay?! No? Well, this is awkward…
–Central Park
Hipster guy to another: Have you ever played with yourself under a blacklight? There's like all kinds of shit on your dick!
–Union Hall
Overheard by: Cass
Frumpy mom, holding up item for hipster tween daughter: Catherine, is this ironic?
–Beacon's Closet, Williamsburg
Queer #1: Can I have Coke?
Waitress: We don’t serve sodas here.
Queer #2: What about Diet Coke?
–Bliss Café, Williamsburg
Overheard by: sillyrabbit
Hipster girl: Post-hipster is like post-irony, you’re being ironic about irony.
Hipster guy #1: Wait, so you can be a hipster and hate hipsters at the same time?
Hipster guy #2: I am so post-hipster!
–Charleston Bar, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Matt Boorady
Large black man on cell phone: They did the deal with the diamonds, then the other guy got greedy and shot up the place.
–Union Ave
Overheard by: Seth Callaway
Teen, looking around: Where are we? Are we purchasing illegal arms?
–Turkish Restaurant, Montague St.
Overheard by: Mike N
Blonde chick in pink coat, perkily: … There was no exit wound, and no bullet.
–L train
Overheard by: Ladle
Girl talking to co-worker: I live near Wall Street and there are like army men down there with machine guns and it’s scary! How do I know they don’t have Tourette’s and won’t just start shooting their guns all over the place?!
–41st & 3rd
Older suit, calmly, to his two female coworkers: I’d like to put a gun to his head and say "Nickie do the right thing or I will blow your fucking head off."
[His companions nod in understanding.]
–Starbucks
Calm Jewish fraternity guy on cell: So, I’m being deported and drafted into the Israeli army… It’s okay, I’ll name my gun after you!
–NYU Waverly Building
Blonde white girl to another: And I was all like, "I'm not throwing the baby over the fence!"
–Spring St
Overheard by: Maria Emma
Girl to mother: Oh, look at daddy with the baby in one hand and the bottle of bourbon in the other. And in the morning, too!
–Williamsburg
Condom vendor: Obama and McCain election special condoms! 3 for $10 and 1 for $5, all cheaper than a baby!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Aalok
Mom with stroller to friend: She's incapacitated already, so she might as well have his baby.
–6th Ave & 4th St
