Teenage Asian girl: I have a question: would you want me to hang out with a vampire?
Old Hispanic woman: No!
Teenage Asian girl: Okay. I knew that.
–2 Train
Overheard by: Ryan
Teenage Asian girl: I have a question: would you want me to hang out with a vampire?
Old Hispanic woman: No!
Teenage Asian girl: Okay. I knew that.
–2 Train
Overheard by: Ryan
Fat woman, stopping sales lady: Hold up. Where are all the clothes for fat teenagers?
Sales lady: Uhh…uhh…7th floor.
–Macy's, Herald Square
Man: Cocaine is so expensive these days.
Woman: Exactly. That's why I switched to heroin.
–Bryant Park
Man on cell: You know I can't come over, I'm a daddy now! I have a dog! He needs me 24/7. I can't leave his sight, not even for a second! I'm just out for a moment to buy him some food, but other than that…
–Crosstown Bus
Souvenir seller: Get your doggy diary! Get your puppy program! Get your beagle bible! Get your bulldog blog!
–Westminster Dog Show, Madison Square Garden
Man at payphone: They tried to catch the hero dog, but he ran away.
–107 & West End
Overheard by: kdub
Half tone-deaf guy with guitar, singing: I'll marry you for your Green card, but I'll sleep with your sister cause she's prettier than you. She's 75 years old, never been touched by a man, let alone a dog…
–1 Train
Overheard by: CreateEvity
Man leaning out of car, to man walking Schnauzer: Excuse me…that's a Marmaduke?
–3rd Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Jeff S.
Woman on cell: If I don't get a dog soon I'm totally going to get pregnant.
–Wall Street
Dude on cell: I have meningitis! I have SARS! (several people look at him in concern) That's what you tell them! Just get out of doing it somehow!
–Amtrak Train, Penn Station
Overheard by: Momentarily Panicked
Irate old lady on cell: What are you talking about? She's supposed to be taking the train. (pause) What? The flu? Tell her to shove it up, I'm getting really sick of this. What kind of flu? Does she have diarrhea? A fever? Is she sneezing, coughing?
–W 66th St
Overheard by: Susan Volchok
Woman to husband: Deaf people can't hear.
–MoMA
Whiny preteen: Mom, I have diabetes. I'm not even playing around right now–I have diabetes.
–Marquis Theatre
Overheard by: Just here to see the show…
Girl on phone: I don't think I have rabies…do you think I have rabies?
–Columbia University
Dunkin' Donuts employee, sneezing near donuts, to customer: Don't worry, I work better when I'm sick.
–Dunkin' Donuts
Black lesbian hipster: Don't, like, kiss me or look into my eyes…just fuck me and then buy me lunch.
–Eugene Lang College
Overheard by: Helena the Great
Little boy to sister, watching couple kissing and hugging: Ewwwwww! He kissed her!
–3rd Ave & 34th St
Overheard by: Valley
Guy on cell: So then if she has herpes, should I not kiss her?
–PATH Train
Woman to toddler: Yes, it's good. It's very good. Kissing and hugging are good.
–Eldridge St, Chinatown
Overheard by: wheelerface
Dad, to teenage son: Hey, Karen kissed me. And it was real.
–E 20th St
Overheard by: Angela
250-pound male Metro worker, singing gruffly: I kissed a girl and I liked it!
–Grand Central
Overheard by: Chis K
Young hipster to friend: Remember when we sat there, I was high on Vicodin and we saw that guy take a shit in the fountain?
–Union Square Greenmarket
Rich woman yelling on phone: I don't care about your stupid laws or ethics or whatever. (pause) No, I pay you too much money not to get the goddamn drugs I want. (pause) Just write the fucking prescriptions and send them! What the fuck kind of drug dealing doctor are you?
–Metro North Train
Loud lady on cell on escalator: I'm on all these medications you're not supposed to be on when you're pregnant!
–Barnes & Noble
Overheard by: Visiting Kiran
Jock: Nothing's as bad as being allergic to Viagra, man!
–NYU Bus
Lady of indeterminate age: A craving is just a thought on steroids.
–26th st & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Lucky Gunther
Obese woman to male friend: I need to get some Viagra from my dad.
–17th St & 8th Ave
Concerned teacher: Where is Ronald Reagan? Who took Ronald Reagan?
–ACORN High School for Social Justice
Middle aged lady to companion: Ronald McDonald has his nose up Hello Kitty's dress.
–Macy's Balloon Inflation before Thanksgiving Day Parade
Hobo: If you ever touch Halle Berry, I'll fucking smack you!
–Bryant Park
Overheard by: Margot
Girl yelling to friend getting out of cab: Get back here before I bite you in the face like Chris Brown!
–St. Mark's Place & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Janelle
Stoner, as credits roll for movie Push: Dude…fuck Dakota Fanning!
–Palace Theatre
Guy: But come on, it's the Jonas Brothers in 3-D. It's like pimples and eyebrows, comin' at'cha!
–E 17th St
Overheard by: the Big R
Happy-go-lucky hobo: Liza Minelli? I thought that bitch was dead. (singing at the top of his lungs) I want to be a part of it…New York, New York!
–47th & 7th
Overheard by: Jesse Cromer
Old lady being pushed into the train: Young man, you are crushing my package.
Young man: Lady, you're crushing my package, too.
–1 Train
Drunk hobo, eyeing designer bottled water: Hey lady, is that all vodka?
UES lady, without missing a beat: Not this morning.
–4 Train
Overheard by: austin
