Please Pick Up After Your Wednesday One-Liners

Crazy guy with black Labrador (angrily): Why didn't you say anything? I thought you were my friend.

–3rd & Sullivan

Overheard by: Sizzle

Middle aged Rastafari to Labrador: This isn't a chew toy, motherfucker!

–Central Park West

Overheard by: Sarah

Man to small puppy: You're so round and furry, aren't you Oscar? You're like a Mexican!

–Fordham Road

Old lady with tiny dog: Sparky, I really don't want to be in here.

–PETCO, Union Square

Overheard by: Ave

Woman to dog: Oh, rolling onto your back again, are you? Just like the slutty girl at prom…

–Extra Virgin Restaurant, The Village

Overheard by: wink

(crazy hobo walks up to little girl's dog and picks it up)
Crazy homeless man (shouting in the dog's face): I would name you snowball, but you're brown!

–Tompkins Square Park

Posted on September 3, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Central Park, Colors, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Friendship, Guys, Hobos, Insults, Man's Best Friend, Men, Museum of Natural History, Nicknames & name calling, Old People, Questions, Race, Restaurants & Cafes, Store, The Bronx, The Village, Union Square and East Village, We Love Our Pets, Women

What Happens in Vegas Is Supposed to Stay in Vegas

Old lady #1: Yes, but you have to admit, you did get a little crazy there.
Old lady #2: Hm, maybe.
Old lady #1: You have to admit, we are both just a little bit crazy.
Old lady #2: I don't want to talk about this anymore.

–W 10th St

Overheard by: Maybe we all are

Posted on September 2, 2008
Crazy, Default, Friends, Offers and requests, Old People, West Village, Wishes & desires, Women

TiVo: Oh Fuck, Not This Again

Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, we are being delayed because of an injured passenger.
Heavy-set African American lady: Is you serious? I'm a miss Flavor of Love!
(few minutes later)
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, we are being delayed because of an injured customer on the tracks.
Heavy-set African American lady: They better pick him up and get him off them tracks or I'm a miss Flavor of Love!
(few minutes later)
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, our train has collided with a customer on the tracks. We are waiting for the police to investigate. Please be patient.
Heavy-set African American lady: Good thing I got that TiVo…

–Uptown 6 Train

Overheard by: Noel Coward

Posted on September 1, 2008
Accidents, Black People, Default, Gadgets, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Subway conductors, Time, TV, Women

Should You Really Use the Nuclear Option in a No-Cutsies Situation?

Old lady in line at the bank #1: Excuse me, I'm not cutting you, I just need to speak with the teller.
Old lady in line at the bank #2: Well, excuse me, but you are cutting me.
Old lady in line at the bank #1: No, I'm not. The teller told me to come back when I was finished with this form. I'm just doing what I was told to.
Old lady in line at the bank #2: You're just doing what you were told to? That's what the Nazis said!

–87th & Madison

Overheard by: Carmela Machiato

Posted on August 31, 2008
Apologies, Bank, Compare/Contrast, Default, Hitler/Nazis, Old People, Upper East Side, Wishes & desires, Women

Robot: Danger, Will Robinson!

Man: I love you…you know.
Woman: Well then, you'll buy me something expensive.

–Outside Paul Smith Shop

Overheard by: Liam Shove

Posted on August 30, 2008
Couples, Default, Love, Men, Money & Class, Offers and requests, Store, Women

The NYC Thought Police Arrested Her on an Anonymous Tip

Woman: Yeah, we just returned from a trip to Pennsylvania, and we were happily surprised to find that the people were normal.
Man: Normal like New Yorkers ?
Woman: Yeah, they didn't seem like they were from Harrisburg at all.

–Forest Ave & Bleecker St, Queens

Posted on August 28, 2008
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Compare/Contrast, Default, Men, Queens, Tourism, Travel, U.S. Geography, Women

Wasn't He Marlon Brando's Personal Cook?

Man: Who was that chef who said “Butter, butter, bring me more butter.”?
Woman: Umm, I think you just made that up.
Man: No, he said it. And he meant it, and he was right! (butters roll)

–Brazil Grill, 8th Ave & 48th

Posted on August 28, 2008
Default, Food, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Women

Wednesday One-Liners in Clear Heels

Woman on cell: I may or may not have just accidentally become a sex worker.

–40th & 9th

Overheard by: McFreaky

Attractive gay man to boyfriend: If I had a better body, I would be a prostitute.

–W 4th & 6th Ave

Overheard by: rpk

Girl to friends: Just slap me! Slap me like a Thai hooker, for god's sake.

–115th & Broadway

Overheard by: columbia undergrad

Five-year-old boy: Mom, what's a gigolo?

–6 Train

Overheard by: Justine

Woman yelling into a cell: For the love of god, I'm sleeping with men for crack. Do you really think that would mess with my list of priorities?

–2nd Ave & Houston

Overheard by: Wonders what the suggestion was

20-something woman on cell: Wait–am I in the sex industry?

–NJ Transit

Overheard by: Poogins

Posted on August 27, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Bitch-slap, Boyfriends, Compare/Contrast, Ew, Jersey, Friends, Girls, Hard Drugs, Jobs & Careers, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Prostitutes, Prostitution, Queer guys, Questions, Sexuality, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, West Village, Women

Man's Best Wednesday One-Liners

Man: So I was making out with my ex girlfriend on the bridge and out of nowhere this dog runs over and starts humping my leg…

–Uptown 1 Train

Dude outside bar: All dogs are gay.

–7th Avenue, Park Slope

Overheard by: The Katie

Black man arguing with kiosk man: Yo, he ain't my son, he's my dog!

–6th Street

Middle-aged woman walking her dog to passersby: I'm a dog! I don't know why none of you believe me! I talk to my dog. Humans don't talk to animals, animals talk to animals! I'm not human! And until you people realize that, you're going to keep having problems with me!

–9th St & University Place

Overheard by: Katie

Drunk guy to girls walking puppy: Hey giiirl. Watch yo dawg. Giiirl! Watch yo dog… Cuz I might bite!

–Staten Island Boardwalk

Overheard by: Izzy

(teacher's cell rings)
Teacher: I have a feeling I have to answer this. It's very important. It's about my puppy.

–Stuyvesant High School

Overheard by: student