Wednesday One-Liners in Clear Heels

Woman on cell: I may or may not have just accidentally become a sex worker.

–40th & 9th

Overheard by: McFreaky

Attractive gay man to boyfriend: If I had a better body, I would be a prostitute.

–W 4th & 6th Ave

Overheard by: rpk

Girl to friends: Just slap me! Slap me like a Thai hooker, for god's sake.

–115th & Broadway

Overheard by: columbia undergrad

Five-year-old boy: Mom, what's a gigolo?

–6 Train

Overheard by: Justine

Woman yelling into a cell: For the love of god, I'm sleeping with men for crack. Do you really think that would mess with my list of priorities?

–2nd Ave & Houston

Overheard by: Wonders what the suggestion was

20-something woman on cell: Wait–am I in the sex industry?

–NJ Transit

Overheard by: Poogins

Posted on August 27, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Bitch-slap, Boyfriends, Compare/Contrast, Ew, Jersey, Friends, Girls, Hard Drugs, Jobs & Careers, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Prostitutes, Prostitution, Queer guys, Questions, Sexuality, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, West Village, Women

Man's Best Wednesday One-Liners

Man: So I was making out with my ex girlfriend on the bridge and out of nowhere this dog runs over and starts humping my leg…

–Uptown 1 Train

Dude outside bar: All dogs are gay.

–7th Avenue, Park Slope

Overheard by: The Katie

Black man arguing with kiosk man: Yo, he ain't my son, he's my dog!

–6th Street

Middle-aged woman walking her dog to passersby: I'm a dog! I don't know why none of you believe me! I talk to my dog. Humans don't talk to animals, animals talk to animals! I'm not human! And until you people realize that, you're going to keep having problems with me!

–9th St & University Place

Overheard by: Katie

Drunk guy to girls walking puppy: Hey giiirl. Watch yo dawg. Giiirl! Watch yo dog… Cuz I might bite!

–Staten Island Boardwalk

Overheard by: Izzy

(teacher's cell rings)
Teacher: I have a feeling I have to answer this. It's very important. It's about my puppy.

–Stuyvesant High School

Overheard by: student

Posted on August 27, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Battery Park, Black People, Crazies, Crazy, Customers, Drunks, Family Ties, Fears, Gays and Lesbians, Guys, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Men, On the Subway, Park Slope, Sexuality, Staten Island, Stuyvesant, Teachers/Professors, The Village, Threats, We Love Our Pets, Women

And the Day Is Young

Guy in line for hot dog: Oh, so you're pregnant?
Woman in line (looks at stomach): Nope, just fat.

–Hot Dog Vendor near WTC

Overheard by: JB

Posted on August 26, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Default, Diet/Weight, Fat People, Guys, Hot dog stands, Physical appearance, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Women

They Do This at Least Once a Week

Hobo: I need change. I need me some change. Gonna get a steak sandwich.
Angry woman: Fuck that. Fuck you! I'm a social worker and I know you're nothing but a worthless son of a bitch! I know you gonna buy you some crack!
Hobo: Somebody better fire that bitch!

–Brooklyn

Posted on August 25, 2008
Brooklyn, Default, Food, Hard Drugs, Hobos, Homeless, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Lies, Money & Class, Panhandling, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Plus, That's Not the National Bird of Guam

Lady #1: This crossword puzzle is hard. Look at this one.
Lady #2: Mmmhmm. Well, you misspelled “dumb” right there.
Lady #1: Oh my god!

–LaGuardia Airport

Posted on August 25, 2008
Default, LaGuardia Airport, Stupidity, Women, Words

And There Was the Religious Difference

Woman walking with friends: I was so happy when my dog died! (friends gasp) Well, you know, I was finally free of that commitment.

–6th Ave b/w 25th & 26th

Overheard by: Lacy Garrison

Posted on August 25, 2008
Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Death, Default, Friends, We Love Our Pets, Weirdness, Women

What? I Had Orange Soda with It.

Woman #1: What we gonna eat for dinner?
Woman #2: How 'bout Popeyes Chicken?
Woman #1: Nah, I had that fo' breakfast.

–Coney Island Boardwalk

Overheard by: OkieExpat

Posted on August 24, 2008
Coney Island, Default, Junk Food & Fast Food, Questions, Women

“Ick” Is Metrosexual in Origin

woman #1: I think he's gay. He uses the word “eeek” a lot.
Woman #2: “I-c-k”?
Woman #1: No, “e-e-e-c-k”.
Woman #2: Isn't it “c-h”?
Woman #1: “C-h,” “c-k,” who cares! But that's gay, right?
Woman #2: Totally.

–Dylan Prime Restaurant, Tribeca

Posted on August 24, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Default, Gays and Lesbians, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Women, Words

At Least Until Brad Pitt Takes Over?

European man: Aww, what a beautiful baby. So nice…
Thai woman (in Thai): Do you want to be the daddy?

–N Train

Overheard by: NYC24

Posted on August 24, 2008
Asians, Babies, Beauty, Compliments, Default, Foreigners, Men, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Questions, Weirdness, Women

Do Your Diamond Shoes Pinch Your Feet?

Young suit #1 (holding pack of gum): Do you have change for a hundred?
Female cashier: No.
Young suit #1: Dude, do you have a dollar? All I have is four hundreds.
Young suit #2: Sorry, I only have five hundreds.
Young suit #1: Ah, I hate it when that happens.
(the two suits leave)
Suit #3 (walking in): Do you have change for a hundred?
Female cashier: Don't make me kick yo' ass, brotha.

–Deli, General Motors Office Building

Overheard by: don't look at me, I make $10 an hour

Posted on August 22, 2008
Buildings, Cashiers, Default, Delis, Fighting and ass kicking, Money & Class, Offers and requests, Questions, Rich people, Suits, Threats, Women

Women