Ultralubricated Wednesday One-Liners with a Reservoir Tip

Curly-haired chick: Your condom consumption should not intimidate people.

–Morningside Heights

Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy

Woman: He bought a car? With seven grand you buy condoms… or a house. But a car?

–6 train

Overheard by: Sabrina

Girl on cell: So I’m just at the pharmacy picking up a prescription… [Lowers voice] You know, my pills… What? My pills! You know, those pills I take so that I don’t get pregnant when your dumb ass busts inside me!

–Duane Reade, 34th & Park

Overheard by: Laughing my dumb ass off

Perky girl to friend: Yeah, and then he said, ‘What the heck?’ and flung the condom across the room.

–Astor Pl

20-ish chick: The ribs do nothing for me, but I buy ‘Her pleasure’ condoms for political reasons.

–Williamsburg

Overheard by: Ursula & Winifred

Young girl, panicky: Do you know where I can find the morning-after pill?!

–CVS

Posted on May 6, 2015
Advice, Default, Duane Reade, Girls, Gripes, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Health and Hygiene, Insults, Money & Class, On Cell, On the Subway, Politics, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Store, Union Square and East Village, Williamsburg, Women

No Matter How You Slice Them

Gentleman, innocently conversing with woman: He's a tall guy, what did she expect?
Out-of-control hobo sitting next to couple: Fuck that! Tall people are pizzas. Tall people are pizzas!

–A Train

Overheard by: Katie Arvidson

Posted on May 6, 2015
Crazy, Height, Hobos, Insults, Men, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Pizza, Questions, Women

This Is Plan: B, Plan: A Was (Tilts Head Toward Aluminum Garbage Can)

Young-looking 40-something: So, I've got some big news for you all…
Mother: Oh? Really?
Young-looking 40 something: We're adding a new member to the family!
Mother: You're pregnant?!
Young-looking 40-something: No, my daughter is. (tilts head towards teenage daughter)

–Cafeteria, Metropolitan Museum of Art

Headline by: Ryan

Runners-Up:
· “But, Okay, Yes, I Am Too” – Chuckles
· “Just Like Mom Used to Make ’em” – Slater
· “So You DIDN’T Just Save 15% on Car Insurance?” – benj
· “You Know It’s Time to Run for Vice-President When…” – Morning Glory

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on May 5, 2015
Family Ties, Headline Contest Winners, Moms, News, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Restaurants & Cafes, The Met, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Liner: What Is It Good For?

Cleaner: What a pair of tits on that girl! That's why we go to war, that's why we're in Iraq!

–Service Elevator, Lexington & 41st St

Overheard by: Nicky

Annoying chick, about John McCain: I mean, he was a POW because he fucked up!

–Shea Stadium

Overheard by: megan

Security guard, breaking up fight during peace march: You can't fight at the peace march! You can't fight at the peace march!

–143 & Malcolm X

Woman to screaming three-year-old: And that's why you have to register to vote! Or else they'll draft you and you'll have to go to war!

–33rd & 2nd

Girl on phone: I can just get a pass from the Israeli army. Don't worry about it. They're easy.

–NYU Palladium Dining Hall

Posted on May 4, 2015
Blue-collar workers, Compare/Contrast, Elevators, Fighting and ass kicking, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Iraq, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, NYU, On Cell, Politics, Rack, Security Guards, Shea Stadium, Stupidity, War, Weirdness, Women

In My Family, Jack Daniels Is the Tradition

Middle-aged woman: Tradition brings us all together and makes us feel close.
Twentysomething woman: That’s not the tradition; it’s the Jack Daniels.

–M60 bus, Triboro Bridge

Overheard by: djlindee

Posted on May 3, 2015
Bus, Drinking & Drunk People, Family Ties, On the Bus, Women

That’s Not What You Grab to Lead a Guy On

Woman #1: I really don’t think you’re leading him on.
Woman #2: That’s what everyone says…but they don’t know I’m grabbing his ass every day.

–Bloomingdale’s, 59th Street

Overheard by: djlindee

Posted on May 3, 2015
Ass, Sex & Relationships, Store, Women

Wednesday One-liners

Woman: I really hope that you start doing some shit that’s smart.

–Broadway & Waverly

Businessman: The CEO’s a good ol’ Italian goombah from Bayonne.

–Midtown Office

Posted on May 3, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Guidos, Jobs & Careers, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Office, One-liners, Only in New York, Street, Suits, The Village, Women

Seems Like More of a Gustav Klimt Conversation

Woman: So ummm, what do you think about this painting?
Man: I can’t believe you said I kiss exactly like my brother!
Woman: I love Monet, he uses such vivid colors…
Man: Yuck, now it feels like I’ve kissed my brother as well!

–The Met

Posted on May 2, 2015
Arts & Letters, Family Ties, Manhattan, Men, People, Places, Sex & Relationships, The Met, Topics, Upper East Side, Women

Gosh I Love Parent-Teacher Conferences

Man: Don't worry, when your up there shakin' your booty, ain't nobody gonna be lookin' at your stomach!
Woman: You're right.

–Borough Hall Courtyard

Overheard by: Nacona

Posted on May 2, 2015
Ass, Body Parts, Men, Office, Physical appearance, Women

…We're Having a LGBT Singles Mixer!

Middle aged black lady, giving subway directions: So what are you trying to get to on 42nd Street?
Group of teen girls: Home.
Lady: Homos?
Girls: Home!
Lady: Oh, I thought you said homos, I was gonna tell you to send them to church!

–Uptown F train

Posted on May 2, 2015
Black People, Church, Directions, Gays and Lesbians, Home, Sweet Home, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Questions, Teens, Women, Words

Women