Woman #1: I don’t care what kinda shit he was talkin’ about. That motherfucker was out of his mind!
Woman #2, motioning to small children nearby: Stop cursing.
Woman #1: Oh shit, I’m sorry.
–34th St N/R platform
Overheard by: jazzystar69
Woman #1: I don’t care what kinda shit he was talkin’ about. That motherfucker was out of his mind!
Woman #2, motioning to small children nearby: Stop cursing.
Woman #1: Oh shit, I’m sorry.
–34th St N/R platform
Overheard by: jazzystar69
Kid: Mama! Can I get these chips?
Woman: Uh-uh! That shit is a dollar! That means no change! Put it back! [Turns to friend] I can’t believe these damn kids with my fuckin’ money! I work eight days a week! And I ain’t suckin’ no dick!
Friend: Mmm-hm.
–145th St & Edgecombe Ave
Overheard by: Sam
Employee: Ma’am, can I help you?
Woman: I’d like a half dozen of your chocolate chip cookies.
Employee: We only sell them, like, 1, 2, 3…
Woman to friend: Is she serious?
Friend: She’ll take 6.
–Starbucks, Rockefeller Center Concourse
Man to woman: What are you eating there!?
Woman to man: Weight Watchers bagel, with Weight Watchers cream cheese and turkey bacon.
Man to woman: What are you, on the zone?
–Madison Ave & 46th St
Man in hard hat: My dog Sparky is still in the hospital. The doctor wants to neuter him.
Polite, uncomfortable woman: Really, that is too bad… Has he fathered puppies before?
Man in hard hat: No. But I am going to ship his testicles via FedEx to Iowa. It will cost $200 to freeze his sperm.
Polite, uncomfortable woman: Wow! Um… interesting. (then to friend, as man in hard hat walks away) It was so hard to keep a straight face!
–Brooklyn
Overheard by: Gigglerocks
Man: I am not so sure about us getting married again.
Woman: But…
Man: When we were married the first time, you were in hospital for eight weeks and me's in jail two years.
Woman: Ha. Yeah.
Man: I am not so sure we should be getting married again.
Woman: True.
(both laugh)
–L Train
30-something woman #1: It's only a matter of time when you start dating a guy before he asks you the question.
30-something woman #2: What question?
30-something woman #1: C'mon, the thing that every guy asks for in bed.
30-something woman #2: Ooooooohhhh, anal sex.
30-something woman #1: That's the question!
–E Train to Queens
Overheard by: butt, of course
Headline by: Brian Costlow
Runners-Up:
· “Alex, I’ll Take “Things That Will Never Happen” for $100″ – The Trayster
· “Gotta Stop Meeting Boyfriends at the Pray Out The Gay Sessions.” – KJM
· “I Always Keep My Strap-on in My Purse – Just in Case.” – Sodajerk
· “I Just Hope He Doesn’t Ask at a Baseball Game. Too Cliche.” – pieski
· “Pooping the Question” – tech98
· “Reason #32 to Be a Lesbian” – Trey Jackson
(older woman falls and younger woman helps her put on her shoes)
Older woman, surprised: Oh! Wow, thank you so much!
Young lady: Yeah, well… I'm a transplant.
–Columbus Circle
Black woman: You look like Vanna White.
White girl: Really?
Black woman: Don’t she look like Vanna White?
Queer: Yes, but better.
Black woman: What do you mean better! Vanna is rich and shit. And on TV. And this bitch over here has nothing. She’s on the subway, for Christ’s sake!
–Downtown 6 train
Overheard by: JR
Drunk guy, matter-of-factly: Everyone comes in here and thinks they're smelling pot, when really they're just smelling Italians.
–Hammerstein Ballroom Men's Room
Young girl on cell: Well, I mean, I have eaten macaroni. Does that count as Italian?
–Grand Central
Overheard by: Kayla Monetta
Man on cell: And this guy smelled like shit! (pause) Yeah, I told him, "you smell like Italian."
–E 10th & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: molina1230
Loud bridesmaid at Guido wedding: I'm Sicilian from the waist up, American from the waist down.
–Brooklyn Botanic Garden
College guy to friend: From the minute they got here, they started eating. Italian feasts are pornography. Italian food is illicit sex to the puritans. Everything the puritans eat is bland and brown.
–Brooklyn College
Middle-aged, pot-bellied guy with a long pony-tail, stopping young woman on the street: Excuse me, but I just want to say, once you've had Italian food, you're not hungry for anything else. I just ate a calzone and now I'm going to go home and just go to sleep!
–8th St & Broadway
Overheard by: Not hungry either
