Woman: I'll tell you why.
Man: Okay.
Woman: Do you know why?
Man: No.
Woman: Do you know why?
Man: No. Woman, do you know why?
Woman: Do you know why?
Man: No, but I would like to know.
Woman: I don't know either.
–U-Haul Store, The Bronx
Overheard by: Mike
Obnoxious NYU student on phone: Hey, remember that cute boy in my chemistry class I was telling you about? Well, I totally just saw him in a gay porno!
–Study Room, NYU Dorm
Overheard by: NYU Ears
Patient woman: She's making friends with an old porn star, leave her alone!
–2nd Ave b/w 50th & 51st
Overheard by: sab
Cranky suit to nodding friend: Except for porn and eBay, no one knows how to make money anymore!
–Madison Ave & 47th St
Overheard by: kricka
Girl to friend: This would be a great place to shoot a porno.
–Downstairs Bar, Morimoto Restaurant
iPhone screamer: Yeah, just take the exec-u-table file and put it in the folder. Right the exec-u-table file! I know, the music is funny, like a porno, right?
–33rd St b/w 5th & 6th
Chick: You *know* we're all going to be googling "eggbeater porn" before the night is over.
–Party, 171st & Broadway
Overheard by: Ladle
English teacher: Class, I’d like you to remember where the line is. It is always moving, and it is determined by me.
–Bronx Science
Overheard by: HJWC
English teacher: I rose up into the air and flew out the window… You didn’t notice this?
–Hunter College High
Overheard by: stupid english student
Old teacher: Okay, there are three rules in this classroom, and I am completely serious. Number one, no swearing. Number two, no scuffles. Number three, no sex until 3:20 when you can do what you want.
–Grace Church School
Teacher: I’m a huge fan of bathroom stall graffiti! My favorite from this school is in the third floor bathroom: ‘If you can read this, you are pooping.’
–Bard High School Early College
Teacher to another: You are a hemorrhoid in my ass.
–Brooklyn Tech
Overheard by: Julie
Health teacher: Drug abuse is a symptom of suicide.
–Hunter College High
English teacher: The next scene is about sex, so pay attention. You might learn something.
–Brooklyn Tech
Overheard by: Julie
Unwitting tourist to hot dog vendor: Can I see your sausage before I buy?
Hot dog vendor: Excuse me, hon?
–Astor Place
Dude leaving bathroom: Man, I really want some popcorn.
Man at bar stool: What, baby? You want some poppers?
Dude leaving bathroom, to friend: The sad thing is that’s not the first time that happened to me today.
–The Duplex
Little blond boy pointing to graffiti on bus seat: What does that say?
Mom: I don’t know… It was written by someone with really bad handwriting.
–72nd Crosstown bus
Guy #1, yelling: Fuck yeah! Put that one in the satchel!
Guy #2: That had “skankalicious” written all over it.
–35th & 7th
Overheard by: GJL
Headline by: Porter
Runners-Up:
· “Britney’s Got a New Clothing Line?” – Ray
· “In Accordance With the New Truth in Graffiti Regulations” – bq
· “It’s the New “Gucci”” – JohnnyB
· “Someone Tell Fergie to Stop Making Up Song Titles” – Botticus
· “The New Mariah Carey Doll Created Unexpected Collectors” – EddieA
Guy: They’re squatters and ravers. They squat and rave…They squave.
–Belle and Sebastian show, Battery Park
Overheard by: Lacey
Suit: You know how some people wing it? Well I wanged it. I totally wanged it.
–52nd & 7th
Overheard by: Jatmos
Asian guy: It seems like everyone is giving headjobs these days.
–Flinders St
Overheard by: duygu
Female nurse: I’m telling you, he is totally intercontinental. I have to change him 4 times a day.
–Hudson & Spring
Overheard by: AJ Stone
Wordsmith, on the phone: Ma’am, her train is being delayed because of constipation.
–Office, 1250 Broadway
Teen on cell: He’s not very smart…Yeah, I just need someone to conversate with.
–Macy’s
Overheard by: Chelsea
College guy: The word “secretion” just fucks me up.
–NYU
10-Year-Old boy: I ain’t speakin’ no language.
–B48 bus, Franklin & DeKalb
Overheard by: Kyri
Tourist: Sexual attention is the only language I really understand.
–Around the Clock Diner, Stuyvesant & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: gweny
Woman: The lesbians don’t like the Jews…I mean the Lebanese.
–Party, 16th & 1st
Girl: Stop staring at all the buildings, you look like a terrorist!…I mean tourist. Same thing.
–8th & Broadway
Overheard by: ceci
Girl: Oh, my shoes totally fell asleep…Fell asleep? Fell apart!
–Fort Greene Park, Brooklyn
Columbia professor [having just explained a relatively simple concept, turning to girl in front]: Do you understand this?
Girl: Yes.
Professor: Good. Because, you know, you’re really the canary in the coal mine for this class. If I can get you to get this, I’m set.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Bobby
Undergrad: Ninjas, see. You can’t creep up on them. You can’t creep up on them because actually they’re creeping up on you. And the person you’re creeping up on is actually a mendicant.
–Fordham University, Lincoln Center
Overheard by: pumpkin
Teen girl to friend: No one knows about Staten Island. It’s like the ninja island.
–Notre Dame Academy, Staten Island
Overheard by: Green Star
Young lady suit on cell: Want to know what I learned today? Okay, you know how I really hate those rolling briefcases because they fucking ninja you while you’re walking? Well, today I learned that it’s really hard to be angry about a rolling briefcase when it’s being pulled by a genuine midget. It’s like watching a pony pull a cart. It’s adorable!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: she wasn’t too tall herself…
Geeky girl: They should really make a video game about a ninja doing the dishes. That shit would be dope.
–Flatiron District
