The Child Is the Father Of the Wednesday One-Liner

Flamboyant hipster Latino to straight-looking Latino boyfriend: Someday he'll call you daddy, and then all hell is gonna break loose.

–Ave C & 16th St

Lady to nine-year-old boy: I hate to tell you, but your dad is in jail. He owes me a lot of money!

–R Train

Guy on cell: Yeah, look, I told you. Your bail was set at $18,000. The bail bondsman wants 10%. Where the fuck am I supposed to get $1,800 to bail your sorry ass out of jail? (pause) Yeah, I love you too, dad.

–33rd St b/w 7th & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Jason

FedEx delivery guy on cell: How the hell did Halle Berry get pregnant without me being the father?

–Spruce St

Overheard by: janine

Posted on February 2, 2011
About Celebrities, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Family Ties, Money & Class, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Prison, Stuyvesant Town, Trains Not Subway, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Who's a Good Wednesday One-Liner? You Are!

Serious man to dog: I am very disappointed in you. I expect more of you than that.

–Carroll Gardens

Overheard by: Sunny

Woman to pooping Jack Russell terrier: Don't even pay attention to all those people who are looking at you. They all poop too. Everybody poops!

–University & 9th

Little girl, angrily to her dog for going at a mural: You just peed on Barack Obama!

–East Village

Overheard by: Z

Woman to dog: No, we can't go in there; that's an evil pet store.

–50th & 9th

Overheard by: Natalie

Woman to her dog: You know, there are a lot of crazy people in the world. That's why I trust your opinion so much.

–Tompkins Square Park

Overheard by: Jessie

Posted on December 22, 2010
About Celebrities, Brooklyn, Crazy, Girls, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Pee, Stuyvesant Town, Union Square and East Village, We Love Our Pets, Weirdness, West Village, Women

…Which Is What I Love About Him.

Younger sister: Carrie! Carrie! Carrie! I saw Justin Bieber over there!
Older sister: Justin Bieber sucks.
Younger sister: Yeah, Justin Bieber sucks…

–Park Slope

Posted on December 13, 2010
About Celebrities, Insults, Park Slope, Sensory Experiences, Sisters

What You Get for Dicking Around in History Class

Girl #1: Yeah, he knows Dick Clark.
Girl #2: You mean the ex President?
Girl #1: Lol! No!

–Office, Madison Ave & 49th St

Posted on November 11, 2010
About Celebrities, Girls, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Names, Office, President

Doesn't Our Friendship Have a Clause That Prohibits You from Singing?

Perplexed girl #1: What is with that guy from Tokyo hotel? Is it a man or woman?
Perplexed girl #2: It's like a shim. I think it's like androgynous… Sort of like Pat!
Perplexed girl #1: Oh my god! That movie was the best! We should totally rent that and laugh hysterically at it. (starts singing) “It's time for androgyny, here come Pat!”

–2nd Ave

Posted on November 8, 2010
About Celebrities, Compare/Contrast, Gender issues, Girls, Laughter, Movies, Music, Physical appearance, Street

The Critics Are Raving About Wednesday One-Liners!

30-something man to girlfriend: I liked it. I mean, it really made me think: if twenty years from now I went in a hot tub and was transported back to today, what would I tell myself to do with my life?

–23rd St & 7th Ave

Overheard by: drose

Dad to teenage children: I wouldn't see Twilight if my life depended on it. If I had to choose, I would choose to die.

–Times Square

Acting professor: Did you see how Brando picked up her glove? He wanted her to stay. Do you ever do that? Take someone's things just so you know they'll come back? (dead silence) Guess you kids just aren't devious like me…

–Tisch School of the Arts

Older man to ticket salesman: Are Precious and The Rocky Horror Picture Show a double feature?

–Clearview Cinema, Chelsea

Posted on October 6, 2010
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clerks, College, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Dads, Death, Education, Film, Movie Theaters, Movies, Old People, Questions, Street, Teachers/Professors, Teens, Time, Times Square, Wednesday One-Liners, Wishes & desires

Where Are They Now?: Wednesday One-Liners

Old lady to friend: You know who I feel sorry for? Yoko Ono.

–Central Park West

Female suit on cell: I once gave Carrot Top a massage.

–UCB Theater

Overheard by: Robert

Ghetto girl on cell: I know you ain't no Jay Leno and I don't speak Avatar!

–Fort Greene

Sober guy to drunk older guy: You know what you look like?? You look like a fucked-up Bobby Brown.

–3 Train

Woman at outdoor cafe: She's not that bad, she's more Snooki than Fran Drescher.

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: Rick

Posted on September 1, 2010
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Central Park, Compare/Contrast, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Film, Friends, Ghetto Chicks, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Language Barrier, Movies, Music, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parks, Physical appearance, Questions, Suits, Theater, TV, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

I Already Have Rich Kids That Think I'm a Dork

Tween to mom: But mooooooommmmmmm, I don't want to go to that school.
Mom to tween: Chris Rock's kids go there.

–Upper West Side

Overheard by: Cathy Borck

Posted on August 23, 2010
About Celebrities, Education, Moms, Parents, School and studying, Tweens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Ew, That Is So Disturbing… Who Wants the Mental Image Of Woody Allen Doing Pilates?

Guy #1: So the entrance to my apartment is on the other side. This side is a Pilates studio. Guess who comes here all the time.
Guy #2: Who?
Guy #1: Woody Allen and his wife.
Guy #2: His wife?
Guy #1: Yeah, you know… his daughter.

–76th St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Echo

Posted on August 22, 2010
About Celebrities, Family Ties, Fitness, Guys, Upper East Side

…But I Was Going for Macy Grey.

Foreign guy to tall, skinny, black guy with dyed-blonde afro and goatee: You look just like Aretha Franklin. You look just like Aretha Franklin!
Afro guy: Thanks, man.

–Church & Reade

Posted on August 16, 2010
About Celebrities, Black People, Compare/Contrast, Foreigners, Music, Physical appearance, Skinny People, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

About Celebrities