Girl: But you have to wear condoms, though, man.
Guy: I know, man! But it's crazy, man.
–Bronx Community College
Thug teenager to woman shoving umbrella between doors to keep them open: Shit, woman! You'd best pull that umbrella out. This ain't no number train, we will leave yo ass!
–R Train
Very excited middle-aged woman hearing doo-wop singers board train: Woooo! Music train!
–R Train
Overheard by: astoria mets fan
Girl on subway car looking at subway map: What, there's no "you are here"?
–A Train
Overheard by: Rins
20-something girl: Ugh, I hate the subway. They need to, like, invent a, like, above-ground transportation system!
–6 Train
Man walking onto train, slowly: All the premium seats are taken.
–A Train
Overheard by: glad i'm in first class
Male customer to UPS guy: Do you have a boxcutter I can use?
UPS guy: Uhhh… no. Just use a key or something.
Female suit waiting in line: I've got a boxcutter. (pulls it out of her purse)
UPS guy: What the fuck?
–UPS
Preppy fake blonde #1, coming out of gift shop: Well, you should have gotten the spaghetti!
Preppy fake blonde #2, coming out of gift shop: I didn't want the fucking spaghetti! And besides, my dad told me not to get the fucking spaghetti.
Preppy blonde #1: Wait a minute! Your dad said the f-word?
Preppy blonde #2: No! I just put that on for emphasis!
Preppy blonde #1: Well, that's false quoting!
(long pause)
Preppy blonde #2: That still doesn't explain why you didn't get the spaghetti.
–The Met
Overheard by: Kat
Brunette, looking at menu: What's cream sauce?
Blonde: I don't know, but I feel like it's really bad for you.
Brunette: Yeah, you're right. I'm getting fries.
–Cafeteria, Fordham University
Headline by: Derek
Runners-Up:
· “America’s Obesity Problem:” – catsandgnomes
· “Freshmen 15 Here I Come!” – james
· “Potatoes Are a Vegetable, Right?” – Skug Skellum
(man standing on bus gets a little too close to the man sitting in front of him)
Sitting man: Wrong person, right day. Son, do not put your genitals in my face!
–M101 Bus
(skateboarder tries to do a trick on the curb and flies face-first onto pavement)
Skateboarding friend, checking on him: Dude! His face looks like a clitoris!
–Union Square
Overheard by: I Looked Away
Crazy man to another: What the fuck's the matter with your face, man? You look like a fuckin' Rottweiler! Shit!
–Q Train
Creepy doorman to male tourist: If you wake up in the morning with a bush in front of your face, don't ask any questions.
–30 Rock
Overheard by: MusicMagGirl
Eight-year-old boy, matter-of-factly, to dorky dad: Mexican people like to put animals on their shoulders.
–108 St & Broadway
Black guy to white woman: Anyway, it turns out–and this is really weird–in Texas, they hate Mexicans as much as they hate African Americans!
–17th St & 8th Ave
Man to another: I just want to be gang-raped by a group of Latinos.
–Chelsea
Overheard by: Mike
Exasperated woman to friend: And this is why I don't interfere when it comes to Mexicans!
–1 Train
Overheard by: Green Star
10-year-old to friend: You have the same name as a short, fat Mexican boy!
–Maria Hernandez Park, Bushwick
Latino gay to white gay: You have good genes, you just don't have the Latino gene that makes your face moisturize naturally. I'm like the Dick Clark of faggotry!
–12th & 1st
Overheard by: H-Bomb
Teen to friend: Make sure that you're in Guatemalan mode.
–114th & Broadway
Overheard by: Jeremy
Disembodied gruff voice: Don't worry, people! Just give up and accept defeat.
Random woman: That's right. (a few seconds later) I accept my feet.
–Astor Place
Girl #1: All I know is, you need to take care of your pussy first, then worry about your damn hair.
Girl #2: I already told you I'm goin' to the damn doctor to get that shit looked at, now lemme go get my extensions in peace.
Girl #1: You can get all the extensions, weaves and whatnot you want, but if your pussy stays rotten, ain't nobody gonna get anywhere near that shit.
Girl #2: Bitch, will you shut up about my damn pussy. Everybody gotta hear about my pussy? Shit, now we got half the damn city hearing about my pussy!
Girl #1: They probably smell it too.
Girl #2: Fuck you, bitch!
Girl #1: Say fuck you all you want, a weave and fixing your pussy.
–40th & 8th
Overheard by: SandmanEsq
Student: A lot more people would definitely vote if there was free pizza at polling places.
–Queens College
Overheard by: Suze
Hipster: Papa John's makes me want to have Aids.
–Williamsburg
Overheard by: Matthew K. Johnson
Drunk person: Hey! This isn't the original Ray's!
–Ray's Pizza
Overheard by: Darwin
Girl to friend: So you only need a slice of pizza to get you wet?
–Slaughtered Lamb Pub
Overheard by: sinko
Old dude carrying blue plastic bag to pigeon: Pizza! My darling! Pizza! My pizza!
–9th St & 1st Ave
Hobo to passers-by: You need a dog! Don't eat the pizza, you will get fat!
–Union Square
Overheard by: Lily
