Wednesday One-Liners Love You Long Time

Cop to 7-Eleven employee: Man, I saw the hottest hooker last night!

–23rd St

White guy: People in Boston really like whoremongering, I guess.

–Park Slope

Overheard by: Ladle

Man on cell: But I'm the best escort in the country!

–Chelsea

Man on cell: I used to pay for hookers.

–10th St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: nomo

Man on phone: The Caribbean thing… No, not the prostitute.

–Fulton St

Thugette to boyfriend: You don't have to go to Vegas to get a hooker, honey, you can just go to Atlantic City.

–Staten Island Ferry

Posted on September 23, 2009
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Boyfriends, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clerks, Compare/Contrast, Cops, Ferry, Guys, Men, Money & Class, On Cell, One-liners, Park Slope, Prostitution, Staten Island Ferry, Street, Thugs, Travel, Union Square and East Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, White People

It's a Vicious Cycle.

Ghetto girl #1: I just stepped on a piece of dogshit on my way to work. Now what the hell am I supposed to do?
Ghetto girl #2: Spray some perfume on your shoes.
Ghetto girl #1: I already tried that, and Britney's new perfume ain't strong enough!
Ghetto girl #2: Well, then rub it in shit again!

–Broadway b/w Maiden Lane & Liberty

Posted on September 19, 2009
About Celebrities, Advice, Ghetto Chicks, Man's Best Friend, Poop, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences, Shoes, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

Or Start Carrying My Keys in a Purse

Girl #1: You really need to start keeping your legs closed!
Girl #2: You're right, I really need to keep them closed!

–Union Square

Posted on September 15, 2009
Advice, Body Parts, Girls, Promiscuity, Union Square and East Village

Wednesday One-Liners Symbolically Take Back the Power

Black dude to friend: Well, check this out my nigga! Cracking your knuckles does not lead to arthritis… Mythbusters, my nigga!

–Park Slope

Black pimp on cell: That nigger ain't even give you a little nigga baby. All that nigga ever do is just fuck you and leave your ass, bitch. You got a child yoself, take care of your real nigga baby, because that's the nigga who keeps with you. That nigga won't fuck any other sluts. (notices everybody's staring at him) What the fuck y'all niggas lookin at?

–Social Security Office, East Village

Would-be feminist: Pussy don't have no power no more, because if it did, niggas wouldn't be doin' what they do.

–Jefferson Ave & Throop Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Jocasta Spell

Polish woman, walking up to group of ghetto fabs: Yo' wut up, my niggas? (pounds fist with ghetto fab guy)

–Delancy St

Overheard by: Kirkegaard

Crazy black man on phone: When you talk like that I'm gonna call you the N-word! (pause) Don't talk like that! (pause) I want to have sex with you.

–Murray Hill

Posted on September 2, 2009
Activists, Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Babies, Black People, Crazies, Friends, Gangstas, Gender issues, Guys, Illness, Insults, Languages, Lower East Side, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Names, Office, On Cell, One-liners, Park Slope, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Sex, Street, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

The Wednesday One-Liner Diet Doesn't Work

Little girl to sister: It has 140 calories in it, that could like… kill you.

–Food Emporium, 68th & Broadway

Blonde girl on phone: Yeah, I need to lose like 30 pounds but the problem is that I got my body used to food.

–224th St & Jamaica Avenue

Teen girl, after being caught with empty beer cans: No! Trust me, it wasn't me. I don't drink beer, it has way too many calories!

–Park Slope

40-something mom to chubby daughter with YMCA gymnastics shirt: Don't eat here, go to CVS! Get some mints… you'll be fine.

–Wendy's At Metropolitan Ave. and Woodhaven Blvd, Queens

Overheard by: D. Scibe

Very old, overweight mother to old less overweight daughter: I need to lose 20 pounds, but you, you need to lose 40 pounds. When you're as skinny as her (points at woman working at register), then I'll buy you carrot cake!

–168th & Broadway

Overheard by: Alison R.

Women in Morbidly obesity couple walking hand in hand. The woman says "harry, I hate it when we're on separate starvation schedules."

–7th St & First Ave

Posted on August 26, 2009
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Diet/Weight, Drinking & Drunk People, Fat People, Girls, Gripes, Grocery Stores, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Junk Food & Fast Food, Kids, Moms, Murder, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Park Slope, Physical appearance, Psychology, Queens, Restaurants & Cafes, Sisters, Street, Stupidity, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vegetarian & Vegan, Wednesday One-Liners

I'm Not Humming – It's These Corduroy Pants

Morbidly obese daughter: She yelled at me and told me to stop.
Morbidly obese mother: Ignore her, you just keep humming.

–Greenwich St & Horatio St

Overheard by: way to parent.

Headline by: Ron D.

Runners-Up:
· “…Like a Fridge” – Paul Tabachneck
· “Fat Girls Give the Best Hummers” – KJM
· “It’s the Only Exercise You Get Anyway” – amy the rat
· “The Subway Ride Ain’t Over Till the Fat Lady Hums” – sammie
· “What Are the Odds That There’s a McDonald’s at Greenwich & Horatio?” – Rich

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on August 24, 2009
Advice, Families, Fat People, Headline Contest Winners, Moms, Parents, Singing, The Village

I'll Pass That on to Your Dad, Honey

Mother: People that live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.
Seven-year-old son: They shouldn't be naked either.
Mother: Um, that too.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Rob A.

Posted on August 21, 2009
Advice, Glad the Condom Broke, Kids, Moms, Nudity, Parents, Penn Station

More Helpful Than My High School Guidance Counselor

Crackhead: Here's how it goes: first you go get your master's for four years, and then after you go to undergrad for four years. That shit takes a long time!
Woman, politely: Oh. I get it!

–1st Ave & 13th St

Posted on August 16, 2009
Advice, Education, Idiots, School and studying, Time, Union Square and East Village, Women

Guess Which Girl Is the Republican

Girl #1: But I don't have health insurance.
Girl #2: I don't think it's that big of a deal. Just be really careful.

–W 70th St

Posted on August 14, 2009
Advice, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Stupidity, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Wednesday One-Liners Really Need to Montauk

Asian fag to white hag: So if a natural disaster happened and Long Island had to be evacuated, we'd, like, all be screwed!

–2 Train

Overheard by: Kosi

Woman on cell: You all should come to Long Island. They're fucking civilized over there.

–Battery Park

Overheard by: Smitten Kitten

Hipster on cell, suddenly yelling: Mom, I live in New York City, not Long Island! New York City! Get a map. I live in New York City.

–Greenpoint

20-something blonde on cell: Uh… Long Island… that's on the East Side, right?

–John St & Cliff St

Overheard by: BennyP

Jersey girl to Long Island guys: Oh my god! I've never been to Long Island! I'll need rockstar directions! Oh, and I totally have camel toe!

–51st & 6th

Overheard by: Fanx 4 that

Posted on August 12, 2009
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