Drunk suit: That was one of the top three blowjobs of my life. Maybe even top two.
Drunk date: What about last week?
Drunk suit, unimpressed: The marathon? Oh… yeah.
–Bar, Long Island City
Overheard by: KarinNO
Drunk suit: That was one of the top three blowjobs of my life. Maybe even top two.
Drunk date: What about last week?
Drunk suit, unimpressed: The marathon? Oh… yeah.
–Bar, Long Island City
Overheard by: KarinNO
Blonde girl: What did she say to you?
Brunette girl, looking at cellphone: Um… She said she's sitting next to this guy who's breathing so hard it sounds like he's getting a blowjob from a woman with a stuffy nose.
–Williamsburg
Chick to friend: I've been really committed to learning about Jesus lately. Can you believe how crazy it is that Jesus was in the desert for 40 days and 40 nights? I mean, like, no food or water for that long? Crazy! I mean, I never even realized how crazy it was until I saw David Blaine do it.
–R Train
Dreaded hobo, evangelizing: You gotta be able to suck dick to accept the love of Jesus Christ!
–40th St & Madison Ave
Overheard by: melissa
Dude: It's not gay if it's Jesus!
–Morningside Heights
Overheard by: Ladle
Fat Christian evangelist to another: Jesus had the computer technology to manipulate the atoms of water. That's why he could walk over the waves. That's how we convince the atheists.
–Union Square
Overheard by: smoking on the stoop
Hipster on cell: My aunt got a promotion at work. She's a big deal. If this were the bible, she would be Jesus' nephew.
–17th St & Broadway
Bar guy #1: Wow, we gotta thank Jeff for all of this.
Bar guy #2: Yeah, we'll give him a blowjob later.
–Astoria
Overheard by: EchoNYC
Happy old drunk guy, to no one in particular: Eldridge Street, god bless us, every one! Eldridge street!
–Eldridge Street & Broome Street
Drunk girl to friend: There she goes! Being all Rosa Parks, as usual, saving her tribe …
–2nd Ave b/w 5th & 6th
Drunk girl outside bar: If I ever have children, I want them to be as fucked up as I am!
–West Village
Overheard by: AsherO
Drunk girl: I'm so hungry I could eat a dick!
–Fordham University
Overheard by: teagle
Loud drunk girl at table with friends: Ashton sat on my lovesack!
–Blockheads
Psychology professor: So with the gustatory system the motor action is basically spit or swallow. That reminds me of… never mind.
–NYU
Professor: As rigid as it may sound, I would really prefer that you provide me with the literal translation of the Latin on all quizzes and exams, rather than rearranging the grammar to make it sound less awkward in English, so as to preserve the integrity of the Latin prose. Yeah, that's how I roll.
–Lincoln Center, Fordham University
Overheard by: Classics Student
Social psychology professor: The field of psychology doesn't run on… Dunkin'.
–New School University
English professor to class of freshwomen: When you get drunk, does your judgment suffer? (silent awkward pause) Well, you girls might be a little young for it, but I know my judgment suffers!
–Barnard College
Overheard by: High Aspirations
English professor: I know it sounds like an asshole thing to say, but that's what I'm here for guys. I'm here to be your asshole.
–English Seminar, Fordham
Suit #1: So if he was so great, why did you break up with him?
Suit #2: He was apparently trying to build a consensus among my friends that he gives great head.
–Evolve Bar, E 58th St
Guy: This girl just sent me a text that ended in a winky face. How should I respond?
Girl: Well, do you like her?
Guy: No, but I do want a blowjob.
–14th St
Overheard by: Good luck
Woman in ridiculous fur coat: So I said, “do you want a blowjob or not?”
Bald man walking with her: I can't believe he even got it up.
–Grand Central Station
Overheard by: Pat Q
Drunk freshman #1: Dude, work was awful today. Usually I just sit there and drink, today I had to actually do shit. It was bad.
Drunk freshman #2, earnestly: Yo, that sucks dick, man!
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Janine
