Kid #1: You may as well go. What are you gonna do if you don’t, go home and jerk it?
Kid #2: That’s the plan!
Random black guy walking by: I hope that’s not the plan.
Kid #2 (looking embarrassed): Well… that’s a plan.
–Joralemon Street
Kid #1: You may as well go. What are you gonna do if you don’t, go home and jerk it?
Kid #2: That’s the plan!
Random black guy walking by: I hope that’s not the plan.
Kid #2 (looking embarrassed): Well… that’s a plan.
–Joralemon Street
(Native American cop is arresting a black man)
Black man: Fuckin’ discrimination, man! Leave me the fuck alone! I ain’t done nothin wrong!
Native American Cop: Fuck you! We were oppressed first!
Black man: Apache motherfucker!
–82nd St, Queens
Overheard by: Lea
Global teacher, about review packet: You must look at my package in order to see what’s there!
–History Class, Bronx HS of Science
Overheard by: Lillian
Woman in business suit on cell: Yeah, work is crazy right now because I have a big release coming out next week. (pauses) That’s what he said.
–26th & Park
Overheard by: absnola
Lady in the audience: Which one is Patti LuPone?
–St. James Theater
Dorky older guy to female bank teller (smiling): I’ve got a really big deposit for you.
(teller looks down and starts laughing)
–Chase Bank, 24th & 7th
Overheard by: Joe
Timid Asian deli boy to deli owner: Excuse me, I don’t know how to do number two.
–Deli, Union Square
Black waiter to Asian female customer: Enjoy your black balls.
–Ninja, Hudson St
Lively black man: My sense of smell is back. I can smell pussy again!
–LIRR
Overheard by: meg
Black girl on cell: …you know it smells like straight bootymeat!
–Times Square
Overheard by: patrick
Obese black woman wearing skin-tight World’s #1 Dad t-shirt: This train smells like urine.
–Downtown A Train
Overheard by: World’s #2 Dad
Guy on cell: Baby, all I’m saying is when you came home last night, you smelled like another dude!
–107th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: HuntingSnark
Woman to male friend: I’ll just have to call you "anus breath" from now on.
–Jewish Theological Seminary, 122nd St & Broadway
Overheard by: Sticking to mouthwash from now on
Woman: I smell dick. (licks her hand, sniffs it) Sho ’nuff!
–R Train
(guy runs by, slams into black girl on his way to make his train)
Black girl: Excuuuuuuuse you!
Guy: I’m on fire!
–L Train
Overheard by: clitoris rex
20-something tall black bellhop: I challenge you, right now, to a salsa dance-off.
70-year-old short Latino bellhop: Go get a radio.
–Peninsula Hotel
Overheard by: Carol
(white girl walks past group of black guys)
Black guy #1: Crimes? Crimes? You wanna do some crimes?
Black guy #2: Nah man, you gotta have a computer to do crimes with her.
–4th St & Ave A
Black girl: I’m not voting. I’m from Illinois and I never registered to get an absentee ballot.
White guy: Well, Obama’s clearly going to win there, anyway. (pause) Oh, wait… No, I didn’t mean…
Black girl: No, it’s okay, you’re right, I would have voted for him.
White guy: But that’s not why I… It wasn’t the black thing, it was the NYU thing.
–NYU Silver Center
Bookseller to black girl: Hey, stop -I want to get with you.
Black girl: You can’t.
Bookseller: Why not?
Black girl: I got to go.
Bookseller: Where you be Friday night?
Black girl: Jersey.
Bookseller: A’ight. I be there.
Black girl: Too far for you.
Bookseller: I’ll travel for pussy. I’m a travellin’ man for pussy.
Bookseller’s friend: You’d go to Jersey for pussy? That’s some crazy desperate shit.
–Washington Place & 6th Ave
Overheard by: JCo
Large black woman with large black turban: I am a full blooded Navajo Indian, I have the right to be here on this sidewalk!
Cop she’s arguing with: Well, wait a minute. You just said you were going home to Ethiopia. How the hell can you be a Navajo?
–6th Ave b/w 3rd & 4th
Overheard by: Ben Goldman
