Girl: The problem is her butt isn’t on his neck while she’s spinning around his head.
Boy: Well, she needs to arch her back more. Problem solved. Did you do the crossword?
–Juilliard cafeteria
Girl: The problem is her butt isn’t on his neck while she’s spinning around his head.
Boy: Well, she needs to arch her back more. Problem solved. Did you do the crossword?
–Juilliard cafeteria
Girl: I shaved everything off down there, and I’ve never felt so accessible!
–A train
Blonde on cell: What’s aftershave? Is that the thing you put on after you shave?
–The Body Shop, 8th & Broadway
Overheard by: Jack Rittymanee
Woman on cell: Yeah, all you do is wear cheap panties and don’t shave.
–Garfield & 7th Ave, Park Slope
Greasy man: Fuck, I have to go shave my balls now!
–23rd & 5th
NYU student to girlfriend: You know, it’s kind of like when you shave your butt.
–F train, between York St & E Broadway
Overheard by: j. asner
Ghetto lady to guy: I never shave my legs unless I’m tryin’ to make a statement or somethin’. I mean, that’s some serious shit.
–Broadway & LaSalle
Overheard by: nekko-chan
Punk rocker with crazy pink hair: And, I mean, she was good-looking and all, but I was like, ‘What the hell do you think I want a bunch of pictures of girls shaving their pussies for?! I don’t want that shit!’
–JMZ train, Myrtle stop
Overheard by: Don’t forward them to me!
Little boy #1: Your pants are so tight, your balls have asthma.
Little boy #2: But that’s my joke…
–12th between A & B
(little boy has a Hot Wheels car and he's rolling it all over everything around him)
Boy: Mom, can I roll it on your head?
Mom: No, you'll mess up my hair.
Boy: Your arms?
Mom: Yeah, sure.
Boy: Your chest?
Mom: No, that's not appropriate.
Boy: Okay…your nipples?
Mom: That's definitely not appropriate.
Boy (disappointed): Aaww…
–6 Train
Overheard by: 1-800-mattres
Asian girl to friend: You know her! She’s the Asian girl — you know, the one with the eyes!
–Empire State Building
Overheard by: Chuckles
Little boy about Japanese man: Mom, how come that man is closing his eyes all the time?!
–Liberty St
Overheard by: galgal
Emo Asian boy: You can recover from drug or alcohol addictions, but there is no cure for Asianism.
–Weinstein Dining Hall, NYU
Drunk Asian man: Did you see that mosaic? It’s all wrong. The Asians were all one shade of yellow. What kind of art work is that? Look at me and my people — we’re multiple shades!
–R train
20-something woman: Being an Asian and being a tranny aren’t the same thing.
–Dallas BBQ, Chelsea
Overheard by: Ladle
Girl on cell: Yeah, so he was kicked out of college. It’s kind of a long story. He like, pulled a knife on George Lucas.
–Barnard College
Curly-haired chick: If we go, like, cowboy/Indian, you’re supposed to be giving me smallpox blankets and liquor, and I’m supposed to hold a knife to your scalp. Hmmm.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy
Girl (yelling at other girl): Just because he cuts himself doesn’t mean he’s emo!
–Brooklyn Tech HS
16-year-old to another: If Dane Cook was here, he would stab you in the chest.
–The Beacon School
Gay man to female friend: I’m gonna cut out your G-spot with a butter knife and stick it to the wall.
–Dojo Resaurant
Tall, muscular, handsome guy on cell: My night turned out pretty crazy… Why? Because this chick drew a knife on me in the restaurant before we even finished the appetizers… And I blame you for that.
–Grand Army Plaza
Overheard by: wishes she would have been there…
Female coworker: Last time I went paintballing I got hit in the crotch.
Male coworker: How do you get hit there? How many times?
Female coworker: I dunno, some dude just unloaded on my crotch.
–6th & 38th
Festering pedestrian: Well, he didn't mention my name at the Tonys, and for that I'll never forgive him.
–43rd St & 10th Ave
Overheard by: Ryan
Producer of an unsuccessful off-Broadway play: That's what this show makes me do. Everyday I get here and just squeeze my neck just like this, I just squeeze it. I don't do this anywhere else.
–Chelsea Theater
Overheard by: Kyle
Audience member to friend: Of course it sucks. It's Shakespeare.
—Macbeth Performance, Battery Park
Hipster guy: I think this play is by the same guy who wrote Ten Things I Hate about You
–NYCL Production of Shakespeare's Cymbeline, Central Park
Overheard by: digamma
Hipster girl: Last time I was in the third row, but I think I like these better. At least I won't get my head humped tonight.
—Hair Performance, Delacorte Theatre
Teenybopper at intermission: Joe Jonas would make such an incredible bodega guy!
–Richard Rodgers Theatre
Girl: Did you just say “jubble”? That can’t be a real word.
Guy: It’s like, silent onomatopoeia.
Girl: There’s no such thing as silent onomatopoeia. The very definition of the word “onomatopoeia” contradicts silence.
Guy: Well, it’s like the sound that boobs would make if they made sound. They’d go “jubble, jubble, jubble.”
Girl: I’m afraid I’m going to have to smack you now. Seriously.
–13th & 3rd
Teen cashier: I’ll need to see some ID.
Female shopper: Ok, here you go.
Teen cashier: [Looks at woman’s driver’s license.] Oh wow, so you’re an organ donor?
Female shopper: Yes.
Teen cashier: Oh my god! Which organ did you donate?
–Trader Joe’s, Union Square
Overheard by: rko
