Body Parts

Take Me Out to the Wednesday One-Liner Game

Drunk NYU dude: You guys know that loose skin around your shaft or whatever? Push it over the tip of your dick. It feels like you have three balls. Three balls! Fucking sweet!

–NYU

Overheard by: Quippy Pasqual

Dude: I swear to god dude, I can feel my balls moving from side to side today!

–5th Ave

Hipster girl: Balls have no place in my mouth. Gum, chicken, or any other kind.

–F Train

Overheard by: Teabag

Loud fat black chick : I wanna kiss the balls of the person who made these cookies.

–Broadway

Overheard by: sounds yummy

Meathead on cell: I got some good shit for you for the gym. Shoot this shit in your ass three times a week and you'll look like The Incredible Hulk in no time… I can't believe you're doing all this stuff to impress your wife. We'll see how impressed she is when you don't have any balls anymore because you're on steroids. Who knows, maybe she'll start fucking me instead.

–48th & 8th

Overheard by: vicky

Guy on phone: I know classical music well enough to know that Vivaldi had no balls.

–42nd St & 10th Ave

Wednesday One-Liners Go Chasing Waterfalls

Guy in line for the bathroom: Man, it takes a lot of trust to let someone piss through your legs.

–Angelika Theater

Girl: If I had a barbecue on my stoop, three queens would pee on it on the first night. I mean, you'd think they wouldn't, since it's a historically gay street. But I've seen so many queens peeing on Christopher Street when it's nice out!

–28th & 5th

Overheard by: Donk

Really drunk girl: I have to pee so bad! I almost peed on the corner, but then I remembered I don't have a penis.

–14th St

NYU girl, immediately after taking shot of tequila: Guys, I have to pee, but I don't want to pee out the patron!

–NYU Dorm

NYU girl: I'm going to go see her! I sobered up for this! I drank tons of water! I could pee my ass out!

–8th & University

Short cop on his phone: Peed? You peed on the bed?

–21st St b/w 3rd & 2nd

The Art of Wednesday One-liners

Woman: Hey, that looks like my metallic vagina sculpture.

–Karkula, Gansevoort St

Overheard by: stampy

Loud girl: I would like to see something a little bit more modern. This isn’t modern enough for me.

–MoMA

The Oft-Overlooked Up-Side of Meth Addiction

20-Something guy: You see, I don’t have that problem because I don’t have any of my teeth left.

–112th & Broadway

It Deserves a Hand.

Blonde #1: So my seventy-year-old father-in-law looks at porn!
Blonde #2: So what?
Blonde #3: Yeah, that just means he's a heterosexual guy.
Blonde #1: But that totally changes my opinion about moving into their place when we sell ours. I don't even want to touch his mouse!
Blonde #3: I'm sure he doesn't use the same hand.
Blonde #2: Yeah, you don't switch off like that.
Blonde #3: Yeah, he probably mouses with the right hand and jerks it with the left!
(silence)
Blonde #2: That was the best thing I've ever heard.

–105th St & Broadway

Is It Our Anniversary Already?

Guy: I'll give you what I normally give you.
Girl #1: A toothbrush?
Girl #2: A penis in your face.

–113th & Amsterdam

Choreography in One Lesson

Girl: The problem is her butt isn’t on his neck while she’s spinning around his head.
Boy: Well, she needs to arch her back more. Problem solved. Did you do the crossword?

–Juilliard cafeteria

Wednesday One-Liners Are Feeling Prickly

Girl: I shaved everything off down there, and I’ve never felt so accessible!

–A train

Blonde on cell: What’s aftershave? Is that the thing you put on after you shave?

–The Body Shop, 8th & Broadway

Overheard by: Jack Rittymanee

Woman on cell: Yeah, all you do is wear cheap panties and don’t shave.

–Garfield & 7th Ave, Park Slope

Greasy man: Fuck, I have to go shave my balls now!

–23rd & 5th

NYU student to girlfriend: You know, it’s kind of like when you shave your butt.

–F train, between York St & E Broadway

Overheard by: j. asner

Ghetto lady to guy: I never shave my legs unless I’m tryin’ to make a statement or somethin’. I mean, that’s some serious shit.

–Broadway & LaSalle

Overheard by: nekko-chan

Punk rocker with crazy pink hair: And, I mean, she was good-looking and all, but I was like, ‘What the hell do you think I want a bunch of pictures of girls shaving their pussies for?! I don’t want that shit!’

–JMZ train, Myrtle stop

Overheard by: Don’t forward them to me!

Your Jokes Are So Lame, FDR is Jealous

Little boy #1: Your pants are so tight, your balls have asthma.
Little boy #2: But that’s my joke…

–12th between A & B

Could I Use Your Vagina As a Stunt Gorge?

(little boy has a Hot Wheels car and he's rolling it all over everything around him)
Boy: Mom, can I roll it on your head?
Mom: No, you'll mess up my hair.
Boy: Your arms?
Mom: Yeah, sure.
Boy: Your chest?
Mom: No, that's not appropriate.
Boy: Okay…your nipples?
Mom: That's definitely not appropriate.
Boy (disappointed): Aaww…

–6 Train

Overheard by: 1-800-mattres

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