A Wednesday for Breakfast, a One-Liner for Lunch, and a Sensible Dinner

Dancer girl: I dunno, I mean, like, I wish they made a size like, triple zero, so I would have something to look forward to, y’know?

–Central Park

Man: Yeah, that’s how you gain weight: a backed-up colon. I cleaned mine out this weekend.

–B54 Bus

Overheard by: Alma Molato

Old woman, very loudly, in the middle of the movie: Boy, is she skinny!

–Movie theater, 86th Street b/w 2nd & 3rd

Overheard by: The New York Crank

Girl on cell: If bitch can’t afford to buy her own groceries, she can just get skinny!

–Green Village Used Clothing, Bushwick

Anorexic fashionista: Any self-respecting anorexic knows that!

–Lincoln Center, 62nd & 9th

Man on cell: You went to a party last night? Well, that means you have to do three hours tomorrow. And I want you to drink lots of water, but none of that crystal light crap. That is seven calories that you do not need.

–Blockbuster, Broadway

Posted on November 26, 2014
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Anorexic, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Celebrations/Parties, Central Park, Clothing, Diet/Weight, Fashionistas, Food, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Men, Money & Class, Movie Theaters, Old People, On Cell, On the Bus, Store, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, Women

From the Director's Cut Of Thelma and Louisa

Drunk girl on bike #1: How's your nose?
Drunk girl on bike #2: How's your neck?
Drunk girl on bike #1: Hey, all I'm saying is that I'd rather get a hickey from a random boy I don't know than break my nose by falling off my bike. (falls off her bike) Shiiiiiiiiiiiit.
Girl #2: How's your fucking nose now, whore?

–NYU

Posted on November 22, 2014
Body Parts, Drunks, Girls, Hook Ups, Insults, NYU, Questions

Soon to Be a McD-Cup

Thirtysomething mom on cell: That boy of your is too fat. [Pause] Well, you keep feeding him hamburgers. That’s why he has titties. He’s an A-cup.

–M15 bus

Posted on November 21, 2014
Body Parts, Fashion, Food, Health and Hygiene, Manhattan, On Cell, On the Bus, Parents

Take Me Out to the Wednesday One-Liner Game

Drunk NYU dude: You guys know that loose skin around your shaft or whatever? Push it over the tip of your dick. It feels like you have three balls. Three balls! Fucking sweet!

–NYU

Overheard by: Quippy Pasqual

Dude: I swear to god dude, I can feel my balls moving from side to side today!

–5th Ave

Hipster girl: Balls have no place in my mouth. Gum, chicken, or any other kind.

–F Train

Overheard by: Teabag

Loud fat black chick : I wanna kiss the balls of the person who made these cookies.

–Broadway

Overheard by: sounds yummy

Meathead on cell: I got some good shit for you for the gym. Shoot this shit in your ass three times a week and you'll look like The Incredible Hulk in no time… I can't believe you're doing all this stuff to impress your wife. We'll see how impressed she is when you don't have any balls anymore because you're on steroids. Who knows, maybe she'll start fucking me instead.

–48th & 8th

Overheard by: vicky

Guy on phone: I know classical music well enough to know that Vivaldi had no balls.

–42nd St & 10th Ave

Posted on November 19, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Balls, BJs, Black People, Body Parts, Drunks, Fat People, Food, Frat Boys, Girls, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Hipsters, Infidelity, Meatheads, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Music, NYU, On Cell, On the Subway, Penis, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Sports, Students, Stupidity, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Go Chasing Waterfalls

Guy in line for the bathroom: Man, it takes a lot of trust to let someone piss through your legs.

–Angelika Theater

Girl: If I had a barbecue on my stoop, three queens would pee on it on the first night. I mean, you'd think they wouldn't, since it's a historically gay street. But I've seen so many queens peeing on Christopher Street when it's nice out!

–28th & 5th

Overheard by: Donk

Really drunk girl: I have to pee so bad! I almost peed on the corner, but then I remembered I don't have a penis.

–14th St

NYU girl, immediately after taking shot of tequila: Guys, I have to pee, but I don't want to pee out the patron!

–NYU Dorm

NYU girl: I'm going to go see her! I sobered up for this! I drank tons of water! I could pee my ass out!

–8th & University

Short cop on his phone: Peed? You peed on the bed?

–21st St b/w 3rd & 2nd

Posted on November 18, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Body Parts, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Cops, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Murray Hill and Gramercy, NYU, On Cell, One-liners, Pee, Penis, Questions, Sorority Girls, Street, The Village, Theater, Trannies, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

The Art of Wednesday One-liners

Woman: Hey, that looks like my metallic vagina sculpture.

–Karkula, Gansevoort St

Overheard by: stampy

Loud girl: I would like to see something a little bit more modern. This isn’t modern enough for me.

–MoMA

Posted on November 17, 2014
Arts & Letters, Body Parts, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, More museums, One-liners, The Village

The Oft-Overlooked Up-Side of Meth Addiction

20-Something guy: You see, I don’t have that problem because I don’t have any of my teeth left.

–112th & Broadway

Posted on November 16, 2014
Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

It Deserves a Hand.

Blonde #1: So my seventy-year-old father-in-law looks at porn!
Blonde #2: So what?
Blonde #3: Yeah, that just means he's a heterosexual guy.
Blonde #1: But that totally changes my opinion about moving into their place when we sell ours. I don't even want to touch his mouse!
Blonde #3: I'm sure he doesn't use the same hand.
Blonde #2: Yeah, you don't switch off like that.
Blonde #3: Yeah, he probably mouses with the right hand and jerks it with the left!
(silence)
Blonde #2: That was the best thing I've ever heard.

–105th St & Broadway