Counter lady #1: Do I have something on my face?
Counter lady #2: Yeah. Evilness.
–Cafe 212, Columbia University
Overheard by: Ariz
Counter lady #1: Do I have something on my face?
Counter lady #2: Yeah. Evilness.
–Cafe 212, Columbia University
Overheard by: Ariz
Dancer girl: I dunno, I mean, like, I wish they made a size like, triple zero, so I would have something to look forward to, y’know?
–Central Park
Man: Yeah, that’s how you gain weight: a backed-up colon. I cleaned mine out this weekend.
–B54 Bus
Overheard by: Alma Molato
Old woman, very loudly, in the middle of the movie: Boy, is she skinny!
–Movie theater, 86th Street b/w 2nd & 3rd
Overheard by: The New York Crank
Girl on cell: If bitch can’t afford to buy her own groceries, she can just get skinny!
–Green Village Used Clothing, Bushwick
Anorexic fashionista: Any self-respecting anorexic knows that!
–Lincoln Center, 62nd & 9th
Man on cell: You went to a party last night? Well, that means you have to do three hours tomorrow. And I want you to drink lots of water, but none of that crystal light crap. That is seven calories that you do not need.
–Blockbuster, Broadway
Drunk girl on bike #1: How's your nose?
Drunk girl on bike #2: How's your neck?
Drunk girl on bike #1: Hey, all I'm saying is that I'd rather get a hickey from a random boy I don't know than break my nose by falling off my bike. (falls off her bike) Shiiiiiiiiiiiit.
Girl #2: How's your fucking nose now, whore?
–NYU
Thirtysomething mom on cell: That boy of your is too fat. [Pause] Well, you keep feeding him hamburgers. That’s why he has titties. He’s an A-cup.
–M15 bus
Drunk NYU dude: You guys know that loose skin around your shaft or whatever? Push it over the tip of your dick. It feels like you have three balls. Three balls! Fucking sweet!
–NYU
Overheard by: Quippy Pasqual
Dude: I swear to god dude, I can feel my balls moving from side to side today!
–5th Ave
Hipster girl: Balls have no place in my mouth. Gum, chicken, or any other kind.
–F Train
Overheard by: Teabag
Loud fat black chick : I wanna kiss the balls of the person who made these cookies.
–Broadway
Overheard by: sounds yummy
Meathead on cell: I got some good shit for you for the gym. Shoot this shit in your ass three times a week and you'll look like The Incredible Hulk in no time… I can't believe you're doing all this stuff to impress your wife. We'll see how impressed she is when you don't have any balls anymore because you're on steroids. Who knows, maybe she'll start fucking me instead.
–48th & 8th
Overheard by: vicky
Guy on phone: I know classical music well enough to know that Vivaldi had no balls.
–42nd St & 10th Ave
Guy in line for the bathroom: Man, it takes a lot of trust to let someone piss through your legs.
–Angelika Theater
Girl: If I had a barbecue on my stoop, three queens would pee on it on the first night. I mean, you'd think they wouldn't, since it's a historically gay street. But I've seen so many queens peeing on Christopher Street when it's nice out!
–28th & 5th
Overheard by: Donk
Really drunk girl: I have to pee so bad! I almost peed on the corner, but then I remembered I don't have a penis.
–14th St
NYU girl, immediately after taking shot of tequila: Guys, I have to pee, but I don't want to pee out the patron!
–NYU Dorm
NYU girl: I'm going to go see her! I sobered up for this! I drank tons of water! I could pee my ass out!
–8th & University
Short cop on his phone: Peed? You peed on the bed?
–21st St b/w 3rd & 2nd
Woman: Hey, that looks like my metallic vagina sculpture.
–Karkula, Gansevoort St
Overheard by: stampy
Loud girl: I would like to see something a little bit more modern. This isn’t modern enough for me.
–MoMA
20-Something guy: You see, I don’t have that problem because I don’t have any of my teeth left.
–112th & Broadway
Blonde #1: So my seventy-year-old father-in-law looks at porn!
Blonde #2: So what?
Blonde #3: Yeah, that just means he's a heterosexual guy.
Blonde #1: But that totally changes my opinion about moving into their place when we sell ours. I don't even want to touch his mouse!
Blonde #3: I'm sure he doesn't use the same hand.
Blonde #2: Yeah, you don't switch off like that.
Blonde #3: Yeah, he probably mouses with the right hand and jerks it with the left!
(silence)
Blonde #2: That was the best thing I've ever heard.
–105th St & Broadway
Guy: I'll give you what I normally give you.
Girl #1: A toothbrush?
Girl #2: A penis in your face.
–113th & Amsterdam
