Tyger Tyger?

Ditzy blonde #1: How was your night?
Ditzy blonde #2: It was good. I just saw a guy's face catch on fire!
Ditzy blonde #1: Ohhhh!
Ditzy blonde #2: It was crazy cuz I had just, like, used that same lighter and then it like, burnt his eyebrows off.
Ditzy blonde #1: Ohhhh!
Ditzy blonde #2: That's the third person I saw get burned in the face this week!
Ditzy blonde #1: Ohhhh, no!.
(silence as they eat pizza for a minute)
Ditzy blonde #2: Speaking of which, do you know who else was burned in the face?

–6th St & Ave A

Overheard by: Ashley

Posted on June 14, 2009
Accidents, Alphabet City, Body Parts, Girls, Idiots, Questions, Stupidity

Your Editors Have Seen All These Wednesday One-Liners

Girl on cell: Oh my god, I was watching some porn the other day and saw the creepiest thing! (pause) No, it's not a penis. I've seen penises before. (pause) No, it wasn't an ugly penis. That would be like…what, a herpes penis? (pause) So anyway, I was watching this porno, right? This guy lubed up his head and stuck it into a vagina. Like, up to his friggin'…past his nose! (pause, then laughing) I get off on lubed-up heads? (pause) Yeah, he was bald.

–11th St & 5th Ave

Preppy guy: If it's made out of brass, it's not pornographic.

–Brooklyn Botanical Gardens

Overheard by: Hunter (aka

Guy on cell: Yeah, so I got this one called Stick it in Deep.

–St. Mark's Place

Overheard by: j

Indignant law student: Look, the fact is, the videos of animal torture were not being used for sexual gratification!

–Fordham Law School

Beatnik professor: The internet is only good for two things. Online banking is not one of them. If you online bank, then you're fucked for life. They'll steal your identity. The internet is good for porn, and for getting underwear on sale. Now, I know many people may find buying a brassiere online to be strange, but women do it anyway. Now, the internet is great for porn, but you can't do kiddie porn. If you do kiddie porn then they'll get you. We all know who they are.

–Queens College

Posted on June 10, 2009
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Clothing, Crime and Punishment, Film, Fordham, Girls, Guys, Hair, Internet, Laughter, Lube, On Cell, One-liners, Paranoia, Parks, Penis, Porn, Preppies, Queens, Queens College, Robbing the Cradle, Sex, Shopping, STDs, Students, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

The Gerbil Was Loving It, Though.

Blond girl in elevator #1: You know, you really shouldn't do that to your body there.
Blond girl in elevator #2: I know, I know–I guess it's not exactly an orifice…

–Building, E 12th St

Overheard by: Strickles

Posted on June 6, 2009
Advice, Biotechs, Body Parts, Elevators, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness

You Haven't Lived, Monica!

Freaked-out college chick, pointing at large bump on friend's stomach : Ah! What is that?
Flustered 20-something, in coarse Boston accent: What the hell's the matter with you? You've never had a chocolate-covered raisin in your belly button before?

–St. John's University Queens Campus

Overheard by: What about a milk dud?

Posted on June 5, 2009
Body Parts, College, Food, Friends, Insults, Physical appearance, Queens, Questions, Sorority Girls

Your Editors Believe Nothing Stops New Yorkers from Talking

Girl, looking at strawberry marshmallows: We could play chubby bunny with those.
Guy #1: Huh?
Girl: That's where you count how many marshmallows you shove in your mouth before you can't talk anymore.
Guy #2: People have died doing that.
Girl: Yeah, but probably only the dumb ones.

–8th Ave

Overheard by: IQ Test is Shoving Them in Your Mouth Anyway

Posted on June 4, 2009
Body Parts, Death, Food, Girls, Guys, Street, Stupidity

Wednesday One-Liners Swear It's Swine Flu

Sick cop to another: The way I see it, you've got seven holes in your head. If you don't wanna get sick, you just gotta keep your fingers out of those seven holes. Then you'll be good.

–ER, Saint Vincent Hospital

Overheard by: Dustin

Old-school pimp on cell: I'm sick. (pause) Naw, baby, I just want you to bring me some money and chicken soup.

–96th & Columbus Ave

Woman on phone: Yeah, I'm doing really well. I just have some cancerous issues. But other than that, I'm great!

–East Village

Overheard by: Erin

Woman to friend: So I was worried I had a urinary tract infection or something, even though it didn't hurt when I was peeing. But it turns out it was just a pube stuck in my clit.

–R Train

Overheard by: what the hell?

Guy to friend: So, I finally got athlete's foot.

–116th & Broadway

Chick to guy friend: Well, if you hadn't spent the entire morning cursing out yo momma, then you wouldn't had gotten swine flu!

–Edward R. Murrow High School, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Amused Freshman

Hippie girl on cell: Hey, mom! How are you? (pause) Not so good, actually, my bloodwork just came back and I have Lyme disease! (pause) I know…it's like 70 degrees here!

–42nd & Park Ave

Overheard by: AwkwardTwig

Posted on June 3, 2009
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Blood & bleeding, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Cancer, Columbia University, Cops, Crazy, Fast Times at New York High, Food, Friends, Guys, Hair, Health and Hygiene, Heat, Hippies, Hospitals, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Pee, Street, Stupidity, Thugs, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

“Cancun,” Loosely Translated, Means “Filthy Twenty-Somethings”

Girl on train #1: Yeah, that was when I was snorting coke out of Maya's fake nails.
Girl on train #2, appalled: Ew! That's so dirty!
Girl on train #1: It was spring break in Mexico, everything was dirty.
Girl on train #2, shrugging: True.

–A Train

Posted on June 1, 2009
Body Parts, Cocaine, Girls, Holidays, On the Subway, Passengers, Travel, Weirdness

Trust Me– I Have the Data on That.

Girl: Oh, so new thing: if I smoke with my left hand, that will make me more ambidextrous.
Friend: No.

–43rd St & 6th Ave

Posted on May 30, 2009
Body Parts, Friends, Girls, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Smoking

Are You Washed in the Wednesday One-Liners Of Jesus?

Teenage girl: My mom is always reminding me to lock my door because you got to worry about the bloods and the clots.

–Uptown 2 Train

Emo chick: So he goes to this party and he does it with this old guy. He pretty much went home with a bloody butthole.

–Roseland Ballroom

Overheard by: charlotte

Suit on cell: Never in my life have I seen that much blood in the trunk of a car.

–82nd & 3rd

Overheard by: Karyn

Small Asian girl to large drag queen: So then he, like, bit off his tongue and nearly bled to death. (long pause) Or maybe I was just high.

–Elevator, Brooklyn

Posted on May 27, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Asshole, Backdoor, Blood & bleeding, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Cars and Driving, Celebrations/Parties, Death, Drag queens, Drugs, Elevators, Girls, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Street, Suits, Teens, Theater, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners

Body Parts

Tyger Tyger?