Boys

You Can’t Do Something Bad at Times Square Anymore

Teen boy #1: We’re getting back pretty late. What are you going to tell your mom?
Teen boy #2: I’ll say we were at dinner until 10:00, and–
Teen boy #1: No way! We went to dinner at 6:15! There’s no such thing as a four hour dinner!
Teen boy #2: Okay, I’ll say that we went to dinner at 7:15, and that we stayed until 8:45 because it was a buffet…then we went and hung out at Times Square–
Teen boy #1: You should tell her that I did something bad, otherwise she’ll be suspicious.

–N train

Girl #1: I heard on a show that Times Square was getting seedy again.
Girl #2: Times Square should be seedy. Tourists come here and they want to see hookers and pimps and drug dealers hanging around. Not the Prudential Financial display.

–Times Square

Lucky the Cashier Had Completed Customer Service Training and Knew the Answer

Boy, looking at fish skull in glass case: Where is this fish native to?
Cashier: The ocean.

–Maxilla & Mandible

Overheard by: Aidan Shepard

That's Not All We Were Hitting, Sweet Pea.

Mother: I ran into cousin Seth here the other day.
Two-year-old son: You mean, you hit heads? (taps forehead)

–Grand Central Station

Overheard by: EthanK

Um…That’s Sarah Jessica Parker

Girl: Whoa! That dog is huge!
Boy next to her: Um… That’s a horse.

–Times Square

Overheard by: I guess that’s a common mistake…

That Happens When We Borrow Money from China

Tourist son: Wow, is this high school?
Tourist dad: Yup, you gotta be like Asian to go here.

–Stuyvesant High School

Bart and Milhouse Are at It Again

Little boy #1: I bet you you can’t do it!
Little boy #2: Oh yes I can! Don’t underestimate me!
Little boy #1: Fine! Steal my soul!

–Broadway

What's a Nice Wednesday One-Liner Like You Doing in a Place Like This?

Guy to girl with afro crossing the street: Hey gorgeous! Gorgeous! Let me massage your kinky tips!

–8th Ave & W 4th

Comedy club promoter to hot girl: Hi, do you like comedy? (girl keeps walking) Okay, do you like skinny white guys then?

–42nd & Broadway

Overheard by: Galina

Young boy reading aloud in halting monotone: I like that outfit. It would look great crumpled up on my bedroom floor tomorrow morning. You have 206 bones in your body, want one more?

–Borders, Kips Bay

Overheard by: Emily

Fat white guy in Mets jersey to hot blonde: Hello, my name is Tom and I'm horny. (blonde keeps walking)

–Lexington & 50th

Black man to female passerby: S'cuse me miss… Not to seem rude, but to be honest…for a white girl, you got a nice butt.

–5th Ave

Conductor on PA: Ladies and gentlemen, this last weekend I went to a club…never again. I walked in, sat down at the bar and ordered a drink. I saw a beautiful lady across the bar, went up to her and said, "Where have you been all my life?" She said back to me "I think for the first half of your life, I wasn't born." This is 59th, Columbus circle, have a good day, ladies and gentlemen.

–A Train

And a Pimp Really Has to Have Some Sort of STD, You Know

Teen boy #1: So why did your dad lose his job?
Teen boy #2: All I know is that he had hepatitis for six months and cured it by eating nothing but fruit.

–83rd & 16th, Brooklyn.

Overheard by: Porko Rico

So I’m Your Dad

Boy #1: Suck my dick!
Boy #2: Fuck you!
Boy #1: Suck my dick! I had sex with your mother (long pause) she had… a little baby!

–Graham Ave & Ainslie St, Williamsburg

How Could He Be Responsible from All the Way in Gaza?

Teenage boy, yelling at his iPod: Damn it, damn it, dammit! Damn stupid thing. Dammit!
Old lady passing by: You should be ashamed of yourself. Do you talk like that in front of your mother?
Teenage boy: Don't blame me, blame Jack Bauer. Damn it.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Haley

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