Suspenders or Belt, Wednesday One-Liners?

Guy: Okay, we can invite him too, but you have to remind him that pants are a requirement, not a mild suggestion.

–Uptown 2 Train

Middle aged man at the end of police show (exhausted from dancing around the suite all night): Wow, I can't believe I kept my pants on!

–MSG Skybox

Overheard by: Russ Beef

Man to friend: And like, man I wasn't gonna drink anything, but I smoked like one hundred blunts and was so high and I was like taking my pants off and shit.

–1 Train

Overheard by: batou187

Ghetto guy to ghetto friends: I remember the day I got my Reeboks like I remember the day that I peed my pants…when I was too old to pee my pants.

–A train

Overheard by: Hannah

Guy on phone: I think that may be slightly humiliating though, if the pants actually come off. And someone feels the chicken cutlets inserted in your underpants for some added power.

–19th & 8th

Overheard by: Joey

Posted on October 1, 2008
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Drinks, Guys, Madison Square Garden, Men, Nudity, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Pee, Weed, Weirdness

Poor Guy's More of a Houndstooth Czech

Gay guy #1, checking out another guy: That's a cute outfit.
Gay guy #2: Not with that face.

–6 Train

Overheard by: Oobs

Posted on September 30, 2008
Beauty, Body Parts, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Default, Insults, On the Subway, Queer guys

What About a Cucumber in a Baggie?

Guy #1: You're getting a cape?
Guy #2: Yeah, I figure we can prop the hood up and make it like the reservoir.
Guy #1: You're either going to look like a giant penis in a condom or a Ku Klux Klan member in saran wrap.

–Costume Store, 11th & Broadway

Overheard by: brian

Posted on September 26, 2008
Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Default, Guys, Physical appearance, Questions, Store, The Village

Wednesday One-Liners Are Bursting with Fruit Flavor

Punk rocker to ghetto chick: Say…you ever been fucked by a smelly guy in a banana suit?

–J Train

Overheard by: Markthrone

Loud, laughing redhead on cell: Ha ha! I'll plant another pear tree, and that will be Tricia!

–W 57th St

Overheard by: Susan Volchok

Brosef to girls (oddly aggressively): Which do you like more, bananas or oranges? Say it!

–14th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Rooting for bananas

Guy on cell: Did you order the poster of the banana?

–Central Park

Overheard by: urbanadventurer

Overachiever mom to 5-year-old girl: No, I'm not saying that you have to have a piece of fruit. I'm saying that when we get there, you'll get to choose. It'll be your choice. You can choose fruit or you can choose a granola bar. (pause) Of course, fruit is the healthier choice.

–7th Ave & 26th St

Overheard by: Rich Mintz

Heavily tattooed man: So we started playing this game. We shoved grapes up her ass, and she had to drop them in a martini glass.

–St. Mark's Place

Overheard by: Housey

Posted on September 24, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asshole, Backdoor, Central Park, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Fruit, Guys, Kink, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Names, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Punks, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness

White Guys Are Held to a Pretty Low Standard

Man holding ankle boot and laughing: This is fashion?
Offended fashionista: How many pairs of Crocs do you own?

–Barneys Co-Op

Posted on September 20, 2008
Clothing, Default, Fashion, Fashionistas, Men, Questions, Store

Wait'll You See My Passenger Pigeon Underpants!

Stupid girl: I really like your scarf.
Other girl: Thanks! It's wool and bunny fur.
Stupid girl: Animal killer!
Other girl: No, I think they shave them.
Stupid girl: Oh.
Other girl: Yeah, and it's houndstooth, so I really like it.
Stupid girl: How many animals do you have in there?

–Elevator, 41st & 3rd

Posted on September 19, 2008
Animals & Nature, Clothing, Compliments, Default, Elevators, Girls, Idiots, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Questions, Stupidity, Words

A Wednesday in Need Is a One-Liner Indeed

Angry man on cell: I need a friend in my life! Do you hear me?! …I don't care! I'm not leaving my wife for anyone!

–Roosevelt Ave, Flushing

Overheard by: oh, you thought my ipod was on

Girl to friend: Tomorrow I'm finally unpacking and I'm buying a new sundress to wear on Sunday when I go out to brunch with my new love interest. But he doesn't know that's the direction our friendship is headed.

–Starbucks

Overheard by: A. Pincus

Older woman with teased black hair on cell: But Frank, I don't want you to write a song about me. I want things to be as they were, friends when we were normal. Don't write me a song.

–Staten Island Ferry

Girl to friend: Well, I'm friends with him too and I didn't sleep with him.

–Shake Shack, Union Square

Girl to friend: I'm willing to let you sleep with my best friend and you still want more?

–W 31 & 6th

Overheard by: misery

Angry woman on cell: And then he told this complete stranger, "My ex-wife had lesbian lovers! My ex-wife slept with young boys!" We've been divorced for six years and he's still talking shit about me, but he says he wants to be friends?!

–2nd St & Ave A

Overheard by: voidoid

Posted on September 17, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Friendship, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Marriage, Men, Offers and requests, Old People, On Cell, Queens, Questions, Relationships, Restaurants & Cafes, Starbucks, Staten Island Ferry, Union Square and East Village, Women

Which I Wear in a Full Windsor Knot

Black dude: Hey, I like your tie!
White kid: Thanks.
Black dude: Cause it's black, like my cock!

–21st St

Posted on September 16, 2008
Black People, Clothing, Colors, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Default, Guys, Kids, Manhattan, Race, White People

Gosh, I Love Bible School Retreats

Teen girl #1 : I'ma get fucked up tonight…
Teen girl #2 : She didn't tell you what happened last time? (points at friend ) I was fucked up by 8 pm and don't remember shit, I woke up with someone else's shirt and no panties on.

–F Train

Overheard by: Frais

Posted on September 15, 2008
Clothing, Default, Girls, On the Subway, Sex, Teens, Weirdness

Clothing