(a child sees a man walking in clothes with skulls and bones on them)
Child: Mommy! Can I have clothes like his?
Mom: No, sweetie. Those clothes belong to an underground gang that kill people, just like in the days of Hitler and George Bush.
–Fordham Road
Overheard by: Gus
Guy #1: Talk about pum pum shorts! I mean, it was disgusting!
Guy #2: Wasn't it?!
–Sal's Pizza Place, Brooklyn
Overheard by: wrong part of the convo to walk in on
Big black crossdresser: Oh honey, I know that no amount of surgery is going to make me a diva!
–3 Train
Overheard by: Kailee McMahon
Mother to small daughter: Honey, don't forget to wash your hands. (girl scrubs hands for a long time) Honey, you aren't getting ready to perform surgery. Hurry up.
–Women's Bathroom, The Met
Man: He had to have his top hat surgically removed.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Kevin
Intern: Latex gloves are for killing people, surgery and dying your hair.
–1501 Broadway
Overheard by: Randi
Loud woman on phone: Yeah, he got his tubes clipped this weekend. He's been fixed! Oh, but don't tell anyone, he doesn't want anybody to know.
–Dunkin Donuts
Girl on cell: How did teaching go? How was the surgery? Did human skin taste good?
–Columbia University
Overheard by: The Poogtastic One
Skater kid: Where's my tongue?
–Central Park
Overheard by: Toast
Guy on bus (shouting from the back of the bus): Driver, you know this bus is not gentle on those who have testicles. I mean there's all these bumps and everything's jumping around.
–B12 Bus
Butch lesbian yelling into phone: How do you think I found out my thyroid wasn't working?
–M14D Bus
Old guy to pretty girl: You have some nice legs. You should be doing stocking commercials. Anyone ever tell you that? (now to himself) Oh, the woes of racism have plagued us from Egyptian times!
–R Train
Stock floor guy on cell: Every time we think this thing is coming to a head, there's another head…how many heads does this thing have?
–Wall St & Broadway
Overheard by: Michael
Woman on cell: The best place for your thighs is around my neck. Yes it is. Yes it is. Yes it is. Yes it is.
–58th & Columbus Circle
Barnard girl, examining other girl's wrist brace: Oh, I thought it was, like, some cool Urban Outfitters…
Other girl: No!
Barnard girl: Aw, baby!
–115th & Broadway
Overheard by: Alex
Tourist: Huh, I could have sworn he'd be here!
Cop, looking around: Can I help you, miss?
Tourist: Yeah, I'm looking for a guy.
Cop: Okay?
Tourist: Should be wearing tighty whities…cowboy hat.
(cop sighs, pointing to his left)
Tourist: Thanks!
–Times Square
30-something guy to another: She works for Sesame Street so she gets a lot of free underwear.
–Brooklyn Label, Greenpoint
Girl: Yeah, dude. She wasn't wearing any underwear so everyone was trying to pull down her skirt!
–St. Mark's Place
Overheard by: Mollie
Tourist mom in matching pink jumpsuit, struggling with too many children: Oh my Jesus, I wore the wrong thong today!
–42nd St
Overheard by: Emily
Puzzled hipster on cell: Wait…how did wearing a thong fuck up her eye?
–7th St & Ave A
Hipster girl on cell: Did you get your underwear? Lindsey! Goddamn it! "Eat" sounds nothing like "get!" Fuck! What? Fuck you, bitch! Taste of my own medicine, bullshit! I heard nothing about gnawing on my own underwear!
–Baskin-Robbins, Mulberry
Overheard by: Hana
Very blond mother pushing baby carriage, on cell: I don't care, we've talked about this! Don't fucking touch my underwear!
–20th St & 7th Ave
Girl yelling at guy wearing ridiculously oversized shorts: Eat my shit out the toilet! Stew my shit and eat it!
–109th & Manhattan
Random girl: The only thing is, you have to flush your own toilet paper.
–Brooklyn Botanic Garden
Overheard by: the old fashioned way
Teenager: So then I pooped my pants, and my belt buckle exploded!
–Fulton Street
Overheard by: The Lane Train
10-year-old boy walking with his mom and sister: I'm a good guy. I don't pee on the floor. Or doo doo.
–Broadway, Astoria
Teen on cell: Alright, I'm gonna go home. I gotta clean up some poop.
–49th & 3rd
Girl: He called me last night and said he wanted to see me! When the maid knocked on the door I thought it was him and I thought, "I think I have to poop!"
–Milford Hotel Lobby
Man on phone: Well, I got a shirt but it wasn't quite what I was looking for, so I'm gonna go to Whole Foods and get some breadsticks.
–Astor Place
Older, bespectacled white male at table with wife: Motherfuckin' tube socks…
–Jazz Standard, 27th & Park
Overheard by: V
6'6" man (earnestly): Honestly, if I were Hillary, I would never wear a pantsuit! You know what I mean?
–Bellevue Hospital
Overheard by: Ingwall
Cracker: I hate fighting rastas. Man, I really do. It's those hats…you never know what they're hiding in those fuckin' hats!
–Marcy & Broadway
Man: Do you realize you just offended a man carrying an organic tote bag?
–6 Train
Overheard by: wb
Barfly to bartender: Is that your belt or a wrinkle in the fabric of time?
–Thirsty Scholar, 2nd Ave & 10th St
Overheard by: Jas
Teen hipster on cell: You know, light pink is the navy blue of India. It's true! Don't ask me how I know this but I do.
–6th & 51st
Overheard by: simon
Flamboyant nasal-voiced man on cell: I'm feeling blue…like, royal blue…a little lighter…no, not baby blue…like, American flag blue…like…yeah.
–Jamaica LIRR Station
Aussie on cell: There were all these dudes wearing pink shirts…and they weren't even gay!
–55th & 8th Ave
Overheard by: wearing a pink shirt and gay
Girl to friend: So he made carrot salad and I said "Your poop is gonna be orange!"
–The Frying Pan, Chelsea
Latina: Well, she said "It wasn't white! It was yellow!" So I was like, "Well, was it at least shaped like a penis?"
–4th Ave & 40th, Brooklyn
