Wednesday One-Liners Giggle and Snort

Nerdy serious white guy: See, that's what's great about going to Afghanistan. I'm no good at talking to women.

–N Train

Overheard by: annearchist

Nerd walking into archaeology class from noisy hallway: Do you hear the roman legion?

–Hunter College

Nerdy guy on cell: Yeah, she's an exhibitionist. She needs to be punished, but who's going to do it?

–JCPenny

Geeky Korean kid outside high school: I'm not really bad. I'm, like, medium-bad. You know, like, bad… But still good.

–Flushing, Queens

Overheard by: Samantha

Nerd to another: Your entire belief system is based on the rotundity of Darth Vader… That is a farce.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Nicole

Posted on March 31, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Gender issues, History & Geography, Hunter, Kink, Koreans, Movies, Nerds, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Queens, Questions, Sex, Store, Travel, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, White People

Then Me First, Bitch

Young guy, trying to allow older woman to get in line first: Ladies first.
Old woman: I'm not a lady.
Young guy: Oh.

–Office, 54th & 6th

Overheard by: Biscuit-lover

Posted on March 31, 2015
Compare/Contrast, Default, Etiquette, Gender issues, Guys, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Office, Old People, Women

Do I Hear the Pitter Patter Of Tiny Wednesday One-Liners?

Sassy lady on cell: I tell you, he got the wrong bitch pregnant!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Stunned!

Girl: Ugh, pregnancy would be like, so much worse than gonorrhea.

–John Jay Dining Hall, Columbia University

Overheard by: jane

AT&T employee: Yeah, when I had my daughter I actually didn't have to stay overnight in the hospital. See, usually, after you have the baby, you have to pass the placenta. The doctor actually reached up inside me and just pulled it out, just like that. He told me I was fine to go home after that, so I did.

–AT&T Store, Union Square

20-something on cell: But I refused to go down on him…I told him I'm not ready to have a baby. (pause) Of course you can get pregnant by swallowing! Hello? Did you not take sex-ed in high school?

–61st St & Lexington Ave

Woman on cell: It's such a small opening, and it gets torn apart when you have a kid!

–42nd St & Park Ave

Overheard by: Weekender

20-something on cell: But I'm tired of always being pregnant.

–East Village

Overheard by: also tired

Posted on March 29, 2015
9 to 5-ers, All Wednesday One-Liners, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Family Ties, Girls, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Pregnancy & Birth Control, School and studying, Sex, STDs, Store, Street, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Well It's Not Like Everybody Loves Him

Ghetto girl #1: Raymond is gay.
Ghetto girl #2: No wonder he kisses like a bitch!
Ghetto girl #1: Maybe he don't like those rough-ass African lips…

–5 Train

Overheard by: wink

Posted on March 28, 2015
Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Gays and Lesbians, Ghetto Chicks, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, On the Subway

I Know It Was Just My Eggs Crying Out in the Wilderness

Girl #1: You guys only dated a month, you can't really call that a relationship.
Girl #2: Well, I wanted to marry him.
Girl #1: I hate when that happens.

–St. Mark's & 3rd Ave

Posted on March 27, 2015
Compare/Contrast, Dating, Default, Girls, Marriage, Relationships, Time, Union Square and East Village, Wishes & desires

My Personal Carbon Offset

Bimbette: Well, the human brain weighs 3 lbs.
Friend: So?
Bimbette: So, I'm not really 110. I'm really 107. If you don't count my brain.

–A Train

Posted on March 26, 2015
Bimbettes, Body Parts, Circumcision, Compare/Contrast, Default, Diet/Weight, Friends, On the Subway, Stupidity, Weirdness

And So’s That Guy Who Plays Keyboard for the Muppets. What’s Your Point?

Young Man #1: No, no no no!
Young Man #2: You’re wrong and they’re wrong.
Young Man #1: Naw, man, look-
Young Man #2: You are WRONG and they are WRONG.
Young Man #1: They can’t, it’s not like-
Young Man #2: A psychiatrist is a DOCTOR, man.
Young Man #1: So is a massage therapist!

–39th & 12th

Overheard by: Keri

Posted on March 24, 2015
Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Default, Education, Friends, Guys, Medicine, Psychology, Stupidity, Stuyvesant Town

The Lightbulb Moment That Would Change Peter's Life Forever

20-something chick: I still think the dog toy looks like a butt plug.
20-something guy: If there is such a thing.
20-something chick, with shocked face: Are you serious? Yes, there are butt plugs.
20-something guy: For what?
20-something chick: For people.
20-something guy: For *what*?
20-something chick: Nevermind.
20-something guy: No! Tell me! For *what*?

–Dallas BBQ, Chelsea

Overheard by: Saaaandwich?

Posted on March 24, 2015
Backdoor, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Default, Dildos and Vibrators, Girls, Guys, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, We Love Our Pets

Wednesday One-Liners Stay One Lesson Ahead

Professor to unresponsive class: So, how do you know when a scene is over? Yeah, you just know, like porn.

–Sarah Lawrence College

Professor: Don’t mess with Socratic ninjas.

–NYU Law

Professor to silent class: Come on, what do you think? Someone say something. It’s kind of like sex. Sometimes you don’t want to do it, but you have to do what you have to do.

–Columbia University

Professor: I was whipped by a crazed dwarf in a cave for a month! Then I married him!

–Fordham University

Overheard by: Ali

Professor turning off powerpoint: And now we kick it old school.

–NYU Cantor

Overheard by: Jesse

SVA professor: Woo, I’m so jazzed today — it’s like I’m on crystal meth! [Students laugh.] No, seriously, I never did crystal meth! Speed, sure. Quaaludes, of course, but not crystal meth. Never. Nope. Oxycodone, maybe.

–SVA building

Overheard by: SUSAN

Professor: The Native Americans even have biological differences… except for the Native Americans of Australia.

–History class, Hunter College

Overheard by: tanechka

Posted on March 23, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Compare/Contrast, Drugs, Education, Global Geography, Marriage, Philosophy, Porn, Questions, Sex, Threats, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary, Weirdness

Translation: I Would Kill to Be Her

Fat ugly woman: I mean she is not a pretty girl, but she is a great dancer.
Thin ugly woman: Yeah, she can definitely dance.
Fat ugly woman: Dance yes, but there is something wrong with her face.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Hannah

Posted on March 23, 2015
Beauty, Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Dancing, Fat People, Physical appearance, Skinny People, Times Square, Women

Compare/Contrast