Wednesday Buy-One-Get-One-Freeliners

Upper East Side crone: I just came back from Sudan, and there was nothing to buy there!

–Gift Shop, American Folk Art Museum

Hick obese wife to hick obese husband: Sometimes I like Wal-Mart better, sometimes I like K-Mart better. It depends on the day.

–6 Train

Overheard by: Emily Faxon

Tourist lady on cell: No, I was in the store the entire time! I got 8 pashminas!

–Canal St

Overheard by: Canadian Girl

Cheerful 10-year-old with cornrows to 30-something woman: This is a world famous store! So don't be surprised if you're still here at one o'clock!

–Macy's, 7th Ave

Asian girl, pointing to D'Agostino: Oh, that's D'Agostino. It's like a Japanese grocery store or something.

–10th St & University

Upper East Side mom: I shop at Target because I like to support out local businesses whenever I can.

–62nd & 3rd

Posted on August 18, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Fat People, Guys, Kids, Moms, Museums, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Retail Therapy, Shopping, Store, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Tourists, Travel, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Find It Difficult to Sit Down

NYPD emergency service cop to man carrying very large hamster in a cage: Whoa, did you pull that out of someone's butt?

–50th St & 10th Ave

Overheard by: Well we're in the neighborhood for it…

30-something to friend: She has everything up her ass but a cock.

–Broadway and Waverly

Tall man to short lady behind her wearing backpack: If you shove that bag any further up my ass, it'll be coming out my mouth!

–Downtown 5 Train

Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer

20-something boyfriend to girlfriend: First I let you put a dildo up my ass, and then you call me a faggot!

–2nd Ave & St. Mark's

Overheard by: Joe

Gay man: Oh. My. God. What kind of friend puts eels up your ass?

–52nd St & 9th Ave

Posted on August 18, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Ass, Backdoor, Body Parts, Cops, Couples, Dildos and Vibrators, Friends, Friendship, Kink, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Nicknames & name calling, On the Subway, One-liners, Penis, Queer guys, Questions, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

I Don't Know. Would a New Husband?

30-something woman: Okay, I've changed my mind…
Uninterested-looking husband: Thank god… Does the new one works?

–Timer Square

Overheard by: Shoaib

Posted on August 8, 2010
Body Parts, Comebacks, Couples, Questions, Times Square

A Set Of Cufflinks Killed My Parents!

Girl to boyfriend: What, are you scared of jewelry?
Random man, walking out of jewelry store: I am!

–47th St & 6th

Posted on August 6, 2010
Couples, Fears, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Questions, Strangers, Weirdness

Wasn't That Question Resolved in Bring It On!?

Old hippie, after Furthur show: Wow! I didn't know what to expect, but I didn't expect that!
Wife: I thought that after Jerry died, it was all over!
Old hippie: Man, I swear, there were times I'd look up, and I swear I saw Jerry on the stage!
Wife: His spirit!
Old hippie: How much spirit can you have to leave so much spirit behind?!

–MCU Park, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Margarita

Posted on August 2, 2010
Brooklyn, Couples, Death, Hippies, Old People, Parks, Stupidity, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!

What Do Spitzer's Prostitutes Have to Do with Anything?

Girl: Happy 4th of July!
Boyfriend: Why are you so happy about it? You're not American.
Girl: I am too, I was born here!
Boyfriend: I'm waaaay more American than you.
Girl: What, you think Puerto Ricans came over on the Mayflower?

–Union Market, Park Slope

Posted on August 1, 2010
Celebrations/Parties, Comebacks, Couples, Foreigners, Grocery Stores, Happiness, Park Slope, Questions

Should You Shave Your Wednesday One-Liners? Discuss.

Guy on cell, to girlfriend: I have such a headache in my balls right now.

–49th St & 10th Ave

Overheard by: Michael

Very drunk boyfriend to drunk girlfriend: If you can't stay here, talk to me and make this right! I'm gonna have to be a man, grow some balls and leave you!

–140th St & Broadway

Man on crowded sidewalk: Balls to butts, people. Balls to butts.

–Times Square

Girl to friends: I'd totally teabag him, but I don't got no balls.

–Brooklyn Heights

Posted on July 28, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Balls, Breaking Up, Brooklyn, Couples, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Friends, Gender issues, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Health and Hygiene, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, One-liners, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Sexuality, Times Square, Wednesday One-Liners

Wednesday All-Your-2,000-Parts Liners

Very upset girl to no one in particular: But nobody would ever fuck my eyelashes!

–Bard High School, Queens

Overheard by: Sunny

Boy to another: He said he had to go and get a colon autopsy!

–84th & 3rd

Overheard by: Laura

Woman to husband: And I swear, she only has half an eye!

–Times Square

Older dude in sweater vest: It was considered the Rolls Royce of organs.

–111th St & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Ladle

Middle aged man walking his dog at night: She had a shamrock on her face and a shamrock on her butt.

–West End & 77th St

Girl to another: Are you going to be upset if he has short arms?

–University Place

Posted on July 7, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Body Parts, Boys, Cars and Driving, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Fast Times at New York High, Girls, Handicaps, Health and Hygiene, Men, Old People, One-liners, Queens, Questions, Sex, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Times Square, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners

…Because You're Swallowing That.

Girl eating falafel: This is the grossest thing I've ever had in my mouth.
Boyfriend: Really? Are you sure?

–1st Ave

Posted on July 1, 2010
BJs, Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Ethnic Food, Manhattan

DiCaprio?

Husband: I can never remember the name of the other one. There's D'Artagnan, Aramis, and Porthos. I always want to call the last guy “Pathos,” but I know that's not it.
Wife: Isn't it Leonardo?
Husband: No, that's one of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

–55th St & Madison Ave

Posted on June 26, 2010
Books & Writing, Couples, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Names, TV, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Couples