Chick: Why are you all styled out today?
Guy: That’s what happens when you move up in the world. I got a promotion.
Chick: What are you now, the owner?
Guy: Assistant manager.
–Quizno’s, 23rd St.
Chick: Why are you all styled out today?
Guy: That’s what happens when you move up in the world. I got a promotion.
Chick: What are you now, the owner?
Guy: Assistant manager.
–Quizno’s, 23rd St.
Female coworker: So, does your son have dark hair like you?
Male coworker: No, he has sort of sandy hair — like a cross between me and his mom, Lisa.
Female coworker: Oh.
Male coworker: But, you know, he has big nipples like Lisa.
–NJ Transit train
Female coworker to another: You look so cute! I didn’t recognize you!
–Hudson & Vandam
Buff man carrying small, pink, frilly umbrella: I better not hear anyone call me cute.
–Canal & Mulberry
Overheard by: Courtney Messer
Chick on cell: Mom, cute is a puppy dog. Cute is an Anne Geddes photo. Cute is not a 25-year-old guy fluent in sarcasm. Stop trying to set me up with him.
–Hudson St
Woman looking at Salvador Dali painting: That is so cute!
–Guggenheim Museum
Overheard by: Does she kill puppies for fun?
Guy on office phone: Is that because of your placenta?
Guy next to him, singing: Is that because of your placentaaa?
–25th & Madison
Overheard by: Shan Agra
Angry construction worker to befuddled construction worker: Don't look at me like that! Don't say that to me! Go home and fuck my wife, asshole!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Jumana
Construction working to another: Man, I need to get me a bi girlfriend. She'd be lovin' me, and I'd be lovin' her friends.
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Rich R.
Construction worker, singing: If there's a skeeter on your Peter/whack it off! (claps twice)
–Waverly Place & 5th Ave
Overheard by: steph
Tough construction worker, unloading van: Yo, I was up til like 2 am watchin' Scooby Doo Where Are You!
–Humboldt & Withers
Overheard by: francesca
Construction worker, staring up at construction skyscraper: It's all twisted. It's going to come down.
–Williams St
Overheard by: Sonya
Host: … But they wanted to see my tattoos…
Hostess: I don’t care what they wanted to see, you don’t take your shirt off at a six-year-old’s birthday party!
–Birthday party, Clinton Hill, Brooklyn
Old man: I don’t like to see musicals about awful historical events, like the French Revolution. Or the Holocaust.
Guy: Or spelling bees?
Old man: No, that one was pretty good.
–Office, Wall & Broadway
Traffic police officer #1: She want balls with no cheese. I want cheese on my balls.
Traffic police officer #2: Oh, she nasty.
–Quizno's, Broadway & Franklin
Overheard by: office peon
Young physicist: So, dude, are you gonna be around in a few months?
Old physicist: I sure hope so.
–Museum of Natural History
Exasperated mother to child in toilet stall: Hurry up and poop!
–Ladies’ Restroom, Penn Station
Overheard by: Betsy
[Girl is taking a piss in bathroom, friend shuts off lights.]Girl: Biiitch! You know my pussy don’t glow in the dark!
–Williamsburg, Brooklyn
Lady in bathroom stall: [Grunts, groans grunts again.] [Pause.] Oh my god, I peed on the floor!
–Sheraton Hotel
Overheard by: Morgan
Hungover senior, chanting loudly over sound of own urination in bathroom: Allllllllll riiighty thennnnnnn! Ahhhhhhhh!
–SVA Animation Department
Overheard by: Laughing
Man farting at urinal, to friend at urinal next to him: Hey, man, what do you think about piss farts?
–Kimmel Center, NYU
Overheard by: JO in Bobst
Girl: I’m not looking. I don’t want to see your vagina. Even if we are family.
–AMC Theater Restroom, Times Square
Overheard by: wondering what’s going on in the next stall
[Horrific sounds heard in adjacent stall for 3 minutes.]Co-worker, yelling: "I’m sorry, I had milk!"
–Office bathroom, 31st Street
