Bro #1: It's a nice night out tonight.
Bro #2: Yeah.
Bro #1: I'm sorry your fiance died.
Bro #2: Thanks, dude.
–Bowery
Overheard by: Little Mac Monster Attack
Bro #1: It's a nice night out tonight.
Bro #2: Yeah.
Bro #1: I'm sorry your fiance died.
Bro #2: Thanks, dude.
–Bowery
Overheard by: Little Mac Monster Attack
Obviously inebriated brunette: So… I'm pretty sure I'm going to die tonight.
Obviously inebriated blonde: Well, if we do, I think I should put up a Facebook status so everyone knows.
Obviously inebriated brunette: I'm pretty sure the tox screen will show it.
(ten seconds later)
Obviously inebriated brunette: Kill me. Oh, wait, no need. I'll be dead in three hours.
Obviously inebriated blonde: Just don't go dying in my bed… that's creepy.
(five seconds later)
Obviously inebriated brunette: Um… did you just burp?
Obviously inebriated blonde: Yeah. Why?
Obviously inebriated brunette: Because it just went up my nose.
Obviously inebriated blonde: Now… that's legendary.
–Barnes & Noble, Midtown
Overheard by: NYLove
Hispanic teen to friend: Yo, none of the danger signs are in Spanish! “Do not lean on the doors, do not hold the doors.” The city doesn't care if we fall off the train and die!
Friend: Then you guys better start looking at the fucking stick figures!
–Uptown E Train
Overheard by: Tara
Corpulent 70-something gentleman, walking up to reception desk of upscale restaurant: I think I should get an awahd for wearing this shoyt today. You know who dis is? Died 50 yeahs ago on this exact day. Da greatest jazz singah of all time: Billie Holiday.
(reception staff stares blankly)
Corpulent 70-something gentleman: You nevah hoyd of her?!
–Nougatine Room
Overheard by: Andrew
Girl on cell: And you're leaving with a butthole the size of a pancake your mom cooked! (pause) You don't want that.
–33rd & 6th
Overheard by: Gaunt
Ghetto fabulous teen boy: So I said, "What? Did you say you wanna fuck my motha'? Well I'm gonna fuck yo brotha!"
–34th & 6th
Overheard by: Fiona
Woman outside store to a child speaking to her mother: What do you mean you don't like her? That's your mother, man!
–125th & Park Ave
Woman on phone: Hello? Yeah, how are you? (pause) So I didn't really deal with my mother's death because I wasn't sober then.
–Starbucks
Overheard by: Laura
Man: Speaking of mother's graves, I want my urn back.
–13th & Ave A
Overheard by: erkala
Friend #1, at memorial: Dude, did you see those pictures of Mike's mom when she was in high school?
Friend #2: No, why?
Friend #1: Dude, she was fine!
Friend #2: Really?
–Funeral Home, Brooklyn
Jewish senior girl #1: My grandpa died. His name was hymen!
Jewish senior girl #2, laughing: Your grandpa's name was hymen! (pause) Wait… my grandpa's name was hymen. My hymen died.
Jewish senior girl #1: (silence)
Jewish senior girl #2: I meant my grandpa.
Sophomore boy: I feel like I just sinned.
–Bx10 Bus
Overheard by: luckily yom kippur was coming up
Frat dude: Mickey Mantle is the one dead person I would totally bring back to life to have gay sex with.
–Yankee Stadium Museum
Overheard by: sternie
30-something fratboy to wife: He still gives me mixtapes like we're still in high school!
–65th & Broadway
Overheard by: ENGLEBERT
Young frat boy to friend, deadpan: I came on her face. Then her mom walked in.
–59th St & Lexington
Overheard by: Josie
Drunk frat boy trying to pick up a girl wearing a red and white striped shirt: I'm sorry for interrupting, but I just wanted to tell you…I found Waldo.
–88th & 1st
Fratboy on phone: When was the baby born? (pause) Sick, dude!
–Penn Station
Cashier #1: So I was like, “Damn! I ain't gonna be drowned like this!” So I fought fo' mah life! And that's why I ain't dead.
Cashier #2: Yeah, that's the desire to live! It's human instinct, yo!
Cashier #1: Unless you kill yoself or somethin'.
Cashier #2: Yeah, but that's only if you just off a building or hang yourself or some shit, no one gonna drown themself!
Columbia chick: Well actually, Virginia Woolf drowned herself.
Cashier #1: What, she fall into the bathtub?
Columbia chick: Um, well no, she put rocks in her pocket and walked into a river.
Cashier #2: I bet she walked right out again! Shit…
–Health Store, 114th St & Broadway
Overheard by: Vicksburg
Airhead girl #1: I can't wait to go to school here. Everyone tells me I'm gonna die. I'm not gonna die!
Airhead girl #2: If anyone is gonna die, it's gonna be you.
Airhead girl #1: I'm *so* not gonna die. This is gonna be so much fun.
–Chelsea
