Guy to boyfriend: I think you're boring. I'm bored.
–W 15th & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Thompson
Woman on cell: I got so bored at work that I started talking to my mosquito bite! I told it to stop making me itch.
–58th St & 9th Ave
11-year-old boy to friends: I'm not ready for death. It's boring. All you do is fly around in the air.
–7 Train
Kid to family, looking at camels: I'm just gonna come right out and say it: 'dis is really fuckin' boring!
–Bronx Zoo
Overheard by: Tyler
Old lady, observing lavish Christmas display: No, no, no. This is horrible.
Friend: What's so bad about it? Early Christmas stuff is just supposed to make you happy.
Old lady: All it does is make me feel like I'm dying even faster.
–Kohl's Store
Overheard by: ho ho ho
Thug, handing coin to dealer: Yo, man, check this out. You ever see something like that? What's it worth?
Black salesman: This is an Eisenhower dollar, from the bicentennial. They're not really worth more than a dollar. You can spend it, or save it as a souvenir.
Thug: Damn, man, I went through a lot of trouble to get this. My grandmother left it to me when she died. You sure it ain't valuable?
Black salesman: I'm afraid not.
Thug: Somebody offered me $100 for this shit.
Black salesman: Then I recommend you go back to that person and sell it to him. It was a great offer.
Thug: Sheeeeeeit. (leaves)
Black salesman, muttering to himself: Stupid-ass nigga.
–Fulton Street Mall
Overheard by: Big Larry
College dude in enthusiastic conversation: I would totally be a cat-sniffer.
–113th St & Broadway
Tall man in heavy German accent: What do you mean the cat can't take a poopy because it is too loud?
–2 Train
Overheard by: Anna
Flaky professional girl: I hate when people are like, "hey, look at that dead bird! Hey, look at that dead cat!" because god, I always look first!
–42nd & 6th
Overheard by: amalthya
Girl on cell: Now you need to marry him for the discounted cat food!
–10th st & 1st Ave
Girl on cell: You told me that bitch was dead, but I just saw her in Key Food.
–Williamsburg
Middle school girl: No, he wasn't dead, but you'll never guess what happened.
–Penn Station
Man on phone: No! No! Do you hear me!? Listen! It's time to die!
–33rd & Broadway
Overheard by: J Harmony
Man on cell: I went back into the room 30 minutes later and he was still breathing! What are we going to do?
–8th & 34th
Overheard by: Bret B
Adorable three-year-old girl to mother: When I die you can have all of my shiny stuff!
–Uptown A Train
Overheard by: The Green Cat
Bro #1: It's a nice night out tonight.
Bro #2: Yeah.
Bro #1: I'm sorry your fiance died.
Bro #2: Thanks, dude.
–Bowery
Overheard by: Little Mac Monster Attack
Obviously inebriated brunette: So… I'm pretty sure I'm going to die tonight.
Obviously inebriated blonde: Well, if we do, I think I should put up a Facebook status so everyone knows.
Obviously inebriated brunette: I'm pretty sure the tox screen will show it.
(ten seconds later)
Obviously inebriated brunette: Kill me. Oh, wait, no need. I'll be dead in three hours.
Obviously inebriated blonde: Just don't go dying in my bed… that's creepy.
(five seconds later)
Obviously inebriated brunette: Um… did you just burp?
Obviously inebriated blonde: Yeah. Why?
Obviously inebriated brunette: Because it just went up my nose.
Obviously inebriated blonde: Now… that's legendary.
–Barnes & Noble, Midtown
Overheard by: NYLove
Hispanic teen to friend: Yo, none of the danger signs are in Spanish! “Do not lean on the doors, do not hold the doors.” The city doesn't care if we fall off the train and die!
Friend: Then you guys better start looking at the fucking stick figures!
–Uptown E Train
Overheard by: Tara
Corpulent 70-something gentleman, walking up to reception desk of upscale restaurant: I think I should get an awahd for wearing this shoyt today. You know who dis is? Died 50 yeahs ago on this exact day. Da greatest jazz singah of all time: Billie Holiday.
(reception staff stares blankly)
Corpulent 70-something gentleman: You nevah hoyd of her?!
–Nougatine Room
Overheard by: Andrew
Girl on cell: And you're leaving with a butthole the size of a pancake your mom cooked! (pause) You don't want that.
–33rd & 6th
Overheard by: Gaunt
Ghetto fabulous teen boy: So I said, "What? Did you say you wanna fuck my motha'? Well I'm gonna fuck yo brotha!"
–34th & 6th
Overheard by: Fiona
Woman outside store to a child speaking to her mother: What do you mean you don't like her? That's your mother, man!
–125th & Park Ave
Woman on phone: Hello? Yeah, how are you? (pause) So I didn't really deal with my mother's death because I wasn't sober then.
–Starbucks
Overheard by: Laura
Man: Speaking of mother's graves, I want my urn back.
–13th & Ave A
Overheard by: erkala
