The Non-Standard Usage Of Wednesday One-Liners

Guy on cell: There's a lot bruacracy in public social work…

–Eastern Parkway & New York Ave

Overheard by: jeff

Woman on phone: Her mother is a bird. Her whole family is a flock of birds. I cannot even say how ghetto she is. She said, "columinate." I said, what? You mean "a-coom-a-late?

–1 Train

Preppy on cell: What's your next class? Professional rioting?

–Fordham

Girl: This class is skewered. There are only three guys and like twenty girls. Damn!

–Brooklyn College

Overheard by: Phil

Guy to girl on train: She's just like "huh, brutha." It's like, embedded in them. They were breaded that way.

–7 Train

Posted on August 11, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Brooklyn College, Education, Family Ties, Fordham, Girls, Government, Gripes, Guys, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Passengers, Politics, Preppies, Questions, School and studying, Sexuality, Stupidity, Wednesday One-Liners, Women, Words

Wedneslutsday One-Liners

30-something woman on phone: Ma! Jesus, ma. I totally agree with you. (pause) Yeah, he told me to come over when the house was done. (pause) Yeah, fixed up. Jesus, ma. (groan) Yes. No! I'm not a slut. Ma!

–Jackson Heights

Overheard by: maria

Teen girl to friend: I was living with my grandmother and my girlfriend was studying social work, I was sleeping with men at this time–but I wasn't a slut or anything.

–Westside Tavern, 23rd & 8th

Girl on cell: How many guys did I sleep with? Thirty, forty?

–Pearl St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: CAC Baby from The Glebe

Father on phone with daughter: I didn't raise you to be a fucking whore. If I wanted you to be a whore you think I would've paid for your goddamn degree?

–Washington Square Park

High school freshman to friend: My Spanish teacher called me a slut!

–61st St & Amsterdam Ave

Posted on August 4, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Dads, Families, Family Ties, Friends, Girls, Insults, Jesus, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Promiscuity, Queens, School and studying, Students, Stupidity, Teens, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Wishes & desires, Women

Otherwise the Human Race Would Soon Die Out

Employee #1, to customers with a baby: That is the cutest baby I have ever seen!
Employee #2: I think my boyfriend and I would have an ugly baby.
Employee #1, in front of couple: No. Ugly people usually have the cutest babies!

–Subway

Overheard by: Drew

Posted on August 3, 2010
Babies, Beauty, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Coworkers, Customers, Families, Family Ties, Physical appearance, Restaurants & Cafes

I Hear Death Is Very Slimming.

Thin, younger sister: What's with all the magazine ads?
Slightly overweight, older sister: It's thinspiration.
Thin, younger sister: I will kill you.

–Lobby, Hampton Inn

Posted on July 31, 2010
Family Ties, Fat People, Hotels, Physical appearance, Pop Culture, Sisters, Threats

Irish, Huh?

Upper East Side girl reading book about knights: Mommy, what does our family crest look like?
Upper East Side mom: Poor people being crushed by a boot.

–Playground, E 72nd St

Overheard by: Dude under the shoe

Posted on July 30, 2010
Books & Writing, Family Ties, Girls, History & Geography, Moms, Money & Class, Upper East Side

Mrs. Lucifer Prefers Ruling in Hell to Serving in Heaven

Woman #1: Who am I kidding? I'm moving into a house I don't like in a town where I don't want to live.
Woman #2: But you're excited about it?
Woman #1: Hello? I've been living with my mother-in-law for five months.

–Home Depot

Posted on July 25, 2010
Family Ties, Home, Sweet Home, Store, Women

Towelie: I Am So Wednesday One-Linered Right Now

Wide-eyed woman on cell: Is it the drugs that are doing this to me?

–St Mark's & Ave A

Guy going superfast on a bike with eyes closed and feet on handlebars: Oh, man, I'm trippin'! Oh, god, I'm shroomin'!

–Delancey St

Professor: Take that Ritalin-Scotch-heroin cocktail… With a pop-tart!

–Pratt Institute

Overheard by: Denali

Flyer guy: Anyone want to help support my drug habit?

–Times Square

Girl with group of friends: You can be a responsible drug addict… I had two jobs and went to college.

–Jane & 4th St

Overheard by: M Tod

Barnard girl: So my grandparents gave me one of those Visa gift card things for $50 for Valentine's Day… What the fuck am I going to spend $50 on, if it's not drugs?

–The Diana Center, Barnard College

Stephen Colbert, after flubbing a line during filming: I'm high. (audience laughs) Don't blog that!

–Colbert Report Studios, 54th St

Overheard by: Allison

Posted on July 21, 2010
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, B-List, College, Columbia (& Barnard), Drinking & Drunk People, Drugs, Education, Family Ties, Flyer people, Food, Friends, Girls, Guys, Heroin, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Laughter, Lower East Side, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Panhandling, Questions, School and studying, Sensory Experiences, Sorority Girls, Street, Teachers/Professors, Times Square, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Women

The Good News Is That I Win Every Race I Enter.

Woman #1: Naw, he got a cabbage head like his father.
Woman #2: Like you, too?
Woman #1: Nuh-uhn. I got a turtle head.

–F Train

Overheard by: Doug Brandt

Posted on July 8, 2010
Animals & Nature, Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Family Ties, On the Subway, Parents, Passengers, Vegetarian & Vegan

Um, Because I Have All Your Medication?

Middle-aged daughter: You have my permission to not talk to me for the rest of the day.
Ninety-year-old mother: Why the hell would I want to talk to you anyway?

–R Train

Overheard by: New York State of Mind