Towelie: I Am So Wednesday One-Linered Right Now

Wide-eyed woman on cell: Is it the drugs that are doing this to me?

–St Mark's & Ave A

Guy going superfast on a bike with eyes closed and feet on handlebars: Oh, man, I'm trippin'! Oh, god, I'm shroomin'!

–Delancey St

Professor: Take that Ritalin-Scotch-heroin cocktail… With a pop-tart!

–Pratt Institute

Overheard by: Denali

Flyer guy: Anyone want to help support my drug habit?

–Times Square

Girl with group of friends: You can be a responsible drug addict… I had two jobs and went to college.

–Jane & 4th St

Overheard by: M Tod

Barnard girl: So my grandparents gave me one of those Visa gift card things for $50 for Valentine's Day… What the fuck am I going to spend $50 on, if it's not drugs?

–The Diana Center, Barnard College

Stephen Colbert, after flubbing a line during filming: I'm high. (audience laughs) Don't blog that!

–Colbert Report Studios, 54th St

Overheard by: Allison

Posted on July 21, 2010
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, B-List, College, Columbia (& Barnard), Drinking & Drunk People, Drugs, Education, Family Ties, Flyer people, Food, Friends, Girls, Guys, Heroin, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Laughter, Lower East Side, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Panhandling, Questions, School and studying, Sensory Experiences, Sorority Girls, Street, Teachers/Professors, Times Square, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Women

The Good News Is That I Win Every Race I Enter.

Woman #1: Naw, he got a cabbage head like his father.
Woman #2: Like you, too?
Woman #1: Nuh-uhn. I got a turtle head.

–F Train

Overheard by: Doug Brandt

Posted on July 8, 2010
Animals & Nature, Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Family Ties, On the Subway, Parents, Passengers, Vegetarian & Vegan

Um, Because I Have All Your Medication?

Middle-aged daughter: You have my permission to not talk to me for the rest of the day.
Ninety-year-old mother: Why the hell would I want to talk to you anyway?

–R Train

Overheard by: New York State of Mind

Posted on July 8, 2010
Comebacks, Family Ties, Moms, Old People, On the Subway, Parents, Questions, Women

“Your Mama's So Wednesday, She's a One-Liner!”

Young woman in need of sympathy: You have to forgive me! My mother, she fucked me up! I'm soooo fucked up!

–7th St & Ave A

Overheard by: stephie

Teenage girl: My mom is a fan of "wild sex" on Facebook.

–Starbucks

Girl in red jacket: It's not the whole gay thing, it's the whole sex-in-front-of-your-mother thing.

–Hudson & Varrick

Man to another, across seat: Get up! Get up, fool. Yo' momma don't love you! And if yo' momma don't love you, don't nobody love you.

–E Train

Male NYU student: Yay, my mom's picking me up!

–NYU

Overheard by: George

Posted on July 7, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Apologies, Facebook, Family Ties, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Insults, Love, Men, NYU, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Pick-up Lines, Promiscuity, Sex, Sexuality, Starbucks, Students, Teens, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

I'm Not Sure That's What He Meant by “Go Green,” Shelly.

Girl #1: So you sent marijuana to your brother… In the mail?
Girl #2: What? He asked me to!

–Ave A &14th St

Overheard by: Stephanie

Posted on July 2, 2010
Alphabet City, Family Ties, Girls, Offers and requests, Weed

The Beatles Movie That Was Too Bizarre, Even for British Audiences.

Daughter to mom: We can save on a hotel room if Steve* and I sleep in the same bed.
Mom: You're not sleeping in the same bed as your brother! That's insect!
Steve: It's okay, we have spray.

–C Train

Overheard by: Sean

Posted on June 29, 2010
Brothers, Families, Family Ties, Incest, Insects, Moms, Money & Class, On the Subway, Weirdness, Words

Your Dad's the Big Lebowski?

Intake worker: Mother's first name?
Patient: Cynthia.
Intake worker: And your father's?
Patient: Yeah, I don't know that, dude.

–ER, St. Luke's

Posted on June 24, 2010
Clerks, Customers, Family Ties, Hospitals, Names, Parents

Wednesday One-Liners Play the Moronica

Blonde: There were three of them; they were twins.

–Lunasa Bar, East Village

Guy on cell: You thought you had the right information, but you didn't have your dots crossed.

–B46 Bus

Overheard by: Brooklynluva

Latino girl in park: Don't read it, bitch, just put it on. It's good, it's sunblock. It protects you from the UVs and huh… The HIV positives, or whatever.

–125th St & Riverside

Overheard by: nearby park bather

Middle-aged guy: It took me forever to find this building; it was confusing because all the numbers were written with letters.

–One (oops, "1") E 53rd Street

Posted on June 23, 2010
AIDS, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Bus, Directions, Family Ties, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Health and Hygiene, Insults, Latinos, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Bus, One-liners, Parks, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners

What Have You Herd?

Girl: It's the one thing my father taught me: always be faster than your slowest friend.
Guy: Was your father a gazelle?

–12th St & Broadway

Posted on June 22, 2010
Advice, Animals & Nature, Family Ties, Friendship, Girls, Guys, Parents, Questions, The Village

Is He a Product Tester?

Suit #1: So my cousin in Scranton is also pregnant.
Suit #2: Yeah, what's the father like?
Suit #1: Complete loser.
Suit #2: Sucks, man. What does he do for work again?
Suit #1: Heroin.

–27th & 3rd

Overheard by: Chris Haddad

Posted on June 18, 2010
Family Ties, Heroin, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Suits

Family Ties

Towelie: I Am So Wednesday One-Linered Right Now